2022 My Mastery Mockery of a Grade

Rd/Player/Comment/Grade

1a. Quay Walker: With no Wu-Tang, prima donna rock catchers left to plug, the German Shephard opted for this poor man's Micah Parsons. One hit wonder at Georgia whose kung fu includes blitzing, covering and shedding blocks. Appears to be the antithesis of the last great white hope, AJ Hawk. Draft day party included a mix of blacks and whites. If the pop star Halsey is Black, then this guy is white. Grade: A

1b. Devonte Wyatt: NFL GMs are incompetent. Drafting Yokozunas - fat offensive linemen and fat defensive linemen - in round 1 is an utter waste of draft capital. Since 1973, 97% of all Yokozunas drafted in the 1st round failed to live up to the hype. Wyatt's kung fu ain't that different from that of, say, Jonathon Ford's, the Yokozuna the German Shephard took in round 7. Poor man's Justin Harrell. Shutdown corner Andrew Booth, a distant relative of John Wilkes Booth, was available. Grade: F

2. Christian Watson: Tall, slim and relatively fast rock catcher. Cut by the Wisconsin-Stevens Point football team. From afar, looks like a rare sparkling white light, ala Jordy Nelson. Upon closer looks, just another mysterious black matter in a universe full of mysterious black matter. Son of Tazim Wajid Wajed, aka, Tim Watson, a former 6th rounder of the Packers whom Ron Wolf terminated upon the recommendation of LeRoy "get those bums off the field" Butler. The opportunity cost of drafting this guy is Ty "4.28" Thornton, a poor man's Randy Moss. Grade: C

3. Sean Rhyan: A Yokozuna. We give zero fuck about this pick. Upon further review, we actually do give a fuck. In fact, looks like the man himself, the great Japanese wrestler, Yokozuna. In a predominantly black and somewhat white realm, it's always soothing to witness a dash of yellow (and brown) in the rye. Grade: D

4. Romeo Daubs: Oh Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo? Straight outta Compton. Average speed. Average route runner. Finds ways to burn DBs. Can do the back shoulder. Mentored by Snoop Dogg. Will be useless on Madden, but might outplay Watson. Poor man's Marvin Jones. Grade: B

4. Zack Tom: Zero fuck. We don't scout Yokozunas.

5. Kingsley Enagbare. Sloth. More proficient at singing than rushing quarterbacks. Along with current teammate, Keke Chism (UDFA-22), founder of the country band, The Kingsley Keke Project. Grade: D-

7a. Tariq Carpenter: Mother was a GI Jane. Due to male baldness, we refuse to take off our hat at Lambeau while the Anthem plays. This guy, however, proudly sings the Star-Spangled Banner prior to each game - hand to heart, helmet off, upright and all that shit. Hard-hitting mofo who will get annihilated at safety in the NFL. A diamond in the rough at ILB? Poor man's Kentrell Brice. Grade: D

7b. Jonathan Ford: Zero fuck.

7c. Rasheed Walker: Zero fuck.

7d. Samori Toure: If there's an argument against Jim Leonhard coordinating the Packers D, this guy is it. Annihilated that fraudulent Badgers D to the tune of 18 rocks, 258 yards and 4 TDs in Nebraska 35-28 upset of #4 Wisconsin. Grade: C+

Overall grade: C

hahahahahaha You make a compelling case - mostly compelling counter to those who think you and I agree on everything in the football side anyway. Put some of that to music and you got some decent lyrics.

Devante Wyatt: One thing the whiners tell me when I piss on O Line as an important position is that you gotta put somebody there. I would hope even you would admit that given we need somebody to occupy a spot on the D Line, this guy just might be kinda like Vita Vea, who I see as about the best "Yokozuma" around on the D side.

Quay Walker: We can hope. I am coming around to thinking he might be a positive as an inside blitzer. Poor man's Micah Parsons huh? We'll see. If his name was spelled Queue, it would actually mean waiting around for something good to happen.

Christian Watson: Aw, you don't like my candidate for future WR GOAT? Again, we'll see.

Doubs: You do know, right, that when Shakespeare wrote "wherefore art thou", wherefore meant "why". That would be my question about drafting this guy. But hopefully I'm wrong and he's good.

Engabare: If you say sloth meaning slow, he ain't. Lacking strength as NFL edge rushers go, maybe.

Carpenter: You really did some digging here. Without getting into the unmentionable p word, I'll just say if that's true, I'm really rootin' for the guy.

Toure: I had forgotten about him tuning up the Badgers that way - I tend to put bad news out of my mind - life's more enjoyable that way.

R. Walker and Ford: Put them off to the side in practice and let them butt heads. That would be a great matchup.

Tom: Is there such a thing as a F minus?

Good catch on the “wherefore,” Tex. Apparently, Juliet’s wondering out loud why Romeo is Romeo M and not Romeo Something else. She fears their relationship could end up becoming a clusterfuck, b/c their families despise one another.

But yeah, hopefully Doubs doesn’t turn out to be a clusterfuck. Dude has some game.

Yeah, hopefully hahahaha. I just ask, wherefore did they draft him?

Spot on then. Spot on now.

Seen a first round redraft from earlier this year. Zach Tom went 9th overall. Christian Watson went 29th. Quay didn't make it into the first.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Scott Campbell

Seen a first round redraft from earlier this year. Zach Tom went 9th overall. Christian Watson went 29th. Quay didn't make it into the first.

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S’up, Campbell. Still listening to Coldplay and adding wives?

Q-Walk was a miscast in Barry’s lame defense. I would ponder and say that Haf-fucked will find a way to brighten up Walker’s shine.

Watson in the 1st? Dude’s softer than a gay guy in a brothel full of women, more fragile than a motherless polar bear cub, every bit as fucked as an overworked, 40 year old burger flipper, and he has the biggest vag not seen in cold, dark and dull Green Bay since the Claymaker.

Tom? Who the fuck cares?