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SPEAKING OF POKING HOLES IN MELONS...muh man Doug had a hilarious bit back in the day about doing Extasy... Not word for word...
Doug Stanhope - "I was doing a show in Anchorage Alaska, and the bartender gave me some pills....WHAT ARE THESE?
"Just take 'em."
DS- "so I took 'em... what'll these do?"
"Well, they make you really horny!"
DS- "u rotten son of a bitch, I don't need horny, I already am horny, I GOT HORNY DOWN PAT!! YOU WOULD HAVE GIVEN ANN FRANK A DRUM SET YOU DOUCHEBAG"--I took those pills and I did stuff to myself I've never done to a woman......
I woke up the next morning to the maid cleaning my hotel room...there's a porno goin' and on the floor there's a melon with a hole drilled in it....
"What do you use that for?'
DS- "I had a little LU-AWWW!!!"
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