So, I ate some undercooked chicken, even though I knew it was undercooked, because I was really fucking hungry and I was all like, "whatever, I never get sick from dubious food, what's the worst that could happen?"

About 12 hours later I knew something wasn't quite right. Had a loose stool and my stomach was all making noises and stuff. I was all like, that's a small price to pay. 18 hours after ingestion, however, I started shooting pure liquid out of my ass, and have continued to do so for a day and a half. Judging from the roasted peppers I ate the next night, it's only taking about 2 hours for the food to go from mouth to ass (where's snake when you need him?). I have no other symptoms, and otherwise feel fine except I get dizzy when I don't keep drinking water or beer to stay hydrated. I was hoping that continuing to drink vodka during this illness would kill it, but apparently that's not how science works. It has been a fabulous colon cleanse on the other hand.

Any guesses on what bug I've got living inside me?