Monson: Announcer's comments Neanderthal
By Gordon Monson
Salt Lake Tribune Columnist

Maybe one of these days all of the remaining sports Neanderthals out there will figure it out, will scratch their privates and their heads, maybe bang them against the cave wall a few times and - eureka! - a burst of understanding will snap through their brains, wherever they're located, perhaps even cascade down into their egos, and they will quit worrying about women intruding on their world.
The latest knuckle-dragging demonstration that that day remains in the future somewhere came by way of former major leaguer and current Mets broadcaster Keith Hernandez. While calling a game between New York and San Diego on Saturday night, Hernandez noticed a female in the Padres' dugout, who high-fived Mike Piazza after a home run in the second inning.
"Who is the girl in the dugout, with the long hair?" Hernandez said. "What's going on here? You have got to be kidding me. Only player personnel in the dugout."
He also said: " . . . I thought she was Morganna [the kissing bandit] for a minute, but she was a blonde . . . I won't say women belong in the kitchen. But they don't belong in the dugout."
Later, Hernandez told viewers: "I stand by those statements. I think this is a man's game and I feel very strongly about it."
It turned out that the girl in the dugout was 33-year-old Kelly Calabrese, a full-time massage therapist for the Padres, who has worked with the team's training staff since 2004.
Hernandez has since apologized for his remark, after his broadcast bosses blew a gasket, and readers can measure for themselves the depth of his earnestness: "In my discussion, I made a couple of inappropriate comments. If I have offended anybody I sincerely apologize."
Whether Hernandez is truly sorry or not, his original remarks reveal an ongoing paranoia among a lot of guys. Somewhere between their games and their manhood, a bit of insecurity sprouts like a bad case of jock itch, causing them to squawk over inconsequential matters, such as there being a person in a dugout during a game without the same genitalia as them.
Horrors, Keith. Horrors.
On the back end of his apology, Hernandez referenced Major League Baseball's rulebook, from which he concluded that only the head and assistant trainers are allowed in the dugout.
But, either way, if Calabrese had been a male, he never would have made an issue of it.
To his credit, Padres manager Bruce Bochy initially spoke loudly in defense of Calabrese, saying: "Kelly is a part of this ball club. She's a part of the training staff. I don't know the actual comments, I just heard about it, but she's been here for a while and played a major role with this club in getting guys ready to play a ballgame.
"I didn't think gender was even an issue anymore."
Pity, it is.
Look, men are men and women are women. Most would agree that there are differences between the two, glorious indeed, and that, overall, it's a pretty good arrangement. We can all relish, celebrate, or complain about those differences, be they physical or emotional or otherwise. Whatever. But when those differences preclude opportunity, or are made an excuse to do so, in the name of tradition or machismo or male insecurity, that's where some guys get lost.
Tradition, in particular, is often used as a dubious way of keeping women out or down or in the kitchen, and away from horizons that should be available to them.
It starts young and is an unfortunate part of our sociological makeup. When an elementary school teacher needs a table moved, for instance, does he or she call for a group of boys, a group of girls, or a group of both to do it?
If the answer is a group of boys, as it frequently is, does that send a message that boys are stronger than girls, therefore, it is inherently their job to do the lifting?
I'm no sociologist. But, for many years, I saw boys guided into nicer, bigger, newer gyms with better coaches and facilities, and girls herded into smaller confines and lesser conditions. Over time, these limitations are changing, and we've seen the benefits of opportunities in sports that have come to girls and women.
Those comprehensive benefits, and their positive effect, have been documented in numerous studies. And it matters little, at developmental stages, who is interested in watching women's sports, or how many spectators they generate. It's just the right thing to do.
Men are men and women are women, but too often men judge the legitimacy and worth of females' opportunities in sports based on whether it's exciting for them to watch, or whether women are as proficient as men at a particular competitive endeavor. In sports, sometimes there is a gap between the two, occasionally there isn't.
But opportunity is the key.
On and off the field.
If Hernandez makes an issue of a woman massage therapist being in a Major League dugout, even if that woman contributes to the team's success as much as any male therapist would, it reveals an age-old pigheadedness that, in some men, will never relent.
In most, maybe it will, at some juncture, fade away.
It's ironic that Hernandez made his comments on a day when the Padres were honoring a group that capably preserves his way of life - the military. As Bochy correctly pointed out, "there are a lot of females in the military."
To write a letter about this or any sports topic, send an e-mail to sportseditor@sltrib.com.


What Hernandez said
Broadcaster Keith Hernandez, while calling a game between New York and San Diego on Saturday:
"Who is the girl in the dugout, with the long hair? What's going on here? You have got to be kidding me. Only player personnel in the dugout. . . . I thought she was Morganna [the kissing bandit] for a minute, but she was a blonde . . . I won't say women belong in the kitchen. But they don't belong in the dugout."


For what it's worth, Monson has 5 daughters.