Stupid Human Tricks

[swede]

Please entertain me with stupid stuff you've pulled yourself or personally witnessed done by others.

Such as:

When I was about 19 they put up a new bridge over the Fox River on Oneida Street in Appleton. Had to be a good 500 feet long. During the early construction phase a couple of buds and I had a gallon of wine and were wending our way home in the wee hours of a summer's night. We found that a single steel I beam had been set over the river and a steel cable ran parallel about three feet up.

We used the cable as a handrail and carefully stepped out to the middle of the river, sat down and knocked back a great deal of the wine about 75 feet over the swift green waters of the mighty Fox River. As luck would have it we dropped our jug and watched as it fell away...for a long time...before it finally disappeared in a distant splash below us. Somehow the wine jug's early demise awoke us to our own mortality and we decided to press on to the other side. With about 100 feet of river left under us the cable abruptly slanted down to a piling below, leaving us to choose between 400 feet back and a detour of a mile or more to another bridge or pressing forward 75 feet above the river on a 12 inch I beam with no handrail. So we slid the last 100 feet on our asses with our hearts practically beating out of our chests.

What a buzz killer.

But you must have some war stories of your own. Please share.

[Harlan Huckleby]

When I was about ten I lit a fire cracker and gave it to my little brother to hold. They should have shot me right then and there.

[swede]

When I was about ten I lit a fire cracker and gave it to my little brother to hold. They should have shot me right then and there.

Yeah, my cousin Billy--from the Minnesota pig farm---pulled that one on me. Lucky it was just a little "Zebra" that blew my fingers an unnatural distance apart without detaching them from my hand.

The really nasty thing he did to his cousin from the city was to play a little game of football with me. He was going to be Joe Kapp and I would be the receiver. He made me go long...keep going...keep going...until I fell through the shit-encrusted cover of a liquid manure pit. Even Billy got into trouble for that.

[Harlan Huckleby]

I like the cut of Billy's jib.

[MJZiggy]

In a backyard baseball game, I was batting and my brother and I got into an argument. I shook the bat at him and he said "go ahead hit me." So I did.

[SkinBasket]

I filled a burlap sack half full of pink lady sand, climbed halfway up a pine tree with the neighbor girl, then called my sister over. When she dutifully heeded my call, I dumped the sand on her head. It was then that the neighbor girl's conscience kicked in. "Maybe we shouldn't have done that. I have to go home," she said, and left me to take my beating alone.

[Deputy Nutz]

Well we did a lot of things that were a little off the wall.

The summer after my senior year of high school we got into a pretty serious prank war with a couple of buddies. It got pretty bad, it last almost a year.

Simple stuff at first like throwing a watermelon on a persons driveway, then placing a disgarded toliet in someones front lawn, and then a couch or two.

Then the fun began. Corn. Thats right Corn feed. We would by several 50 pound bags of corn and follow our buddies around real slick like, and when they would park their car, and forget to lock their doors we filled the inside of their car with corn.

The corn wasn't all that bad it was still good natured, but then we took it the next step, pig intestines. We would buy 10 pound pails of the stuff and then place them in the interior of the car, in the engine, and the muffler tuck them underneather the car. Let me tell ya, on a hot summer day with the sun beating down on your car with a bucket full of Chitlins sittin inside, it doesn't produce a great smell. You can use as many pine tree air freshners as you want, but your still fucked.

That led to the dead animals, or sometimes live animals. More about that later.

[MadtownPacker]

I have done many, many stupid things. Most on purpose some on accident but the one I will never understand or be able to explain is when I was about 15, two of the homies from the neighborhood and me where kicking back on the railroad bridge nearby. We had been drinking duece-dueces (22oz bottles, cost=$1.25) of Old E since early in the day and smoking dank like always but that was it.

It was like 9pm and as we sat on the tracks one side of the bridges I got this crazy feeeling of energy. I told my buds that I was going to outrun the next train that came by. They laughed and said I wouldnt do it. I just waited silently cuz I knew that I was going to.

The bridge crosses a river and is around 200ft long, wide enough for one set of tracks and does not have a walkway on the sides. It has enough space to keep you from getting hit if you lay down on the gravel but not if you are standing up. Kinda looks like this one but it has a 3 foot railing on it and is not as long as this one:



In a few minutes we heard another train coming our way. Im hyped and ready to go. Now my buds started believing I was gonna do it and one roots me on the other starts yelling not to. I didnt really hear either one of them, all I heard was the train getting closer. I got in the middle of the tracks and prepared to sprint. At this point the guy that was telling me not to most have figured it was a lost cause and tells me to start running already. I say NO, to wait til its closer. I dont know how close it was but the light from the front of the train where close and the engineer must have seen us cuz he started honking the horn. That set me in motion and I started to run. I know I never looked back and I could kinda hear my homeboys yelling. I ran, making an effort not to trip, the whole time I could hear the train horn blasting. When the end of the bridge was in sight I remember feeling the air around me kind of pushing me forward and feeling the lights on my back. As I made it to the end of the bridge I reached out and grabbed a post on the railing and swung around it as the train blurred by.

After that I sat off the edge and tried to stifle my laughter when I heard one bud calling my name and the other screaming "he didnt make it". It was some funny shit and stupid shit but it always a hilarious when we brought it up later.

[Harlan Huckleby]

When my brother and I got our first BB-Gun, we soon discovered that the best place for hunting was the neighbor's bird feeder. The owner came running out, "You just shot my chicadee!!!" My little brother never heard that word "chicadee" before and couldn't keep from laughing.


why people give BB guns to little boys is a mystery.

[swede]

When the end of the bridge was in sight I remember feeling the air around me kind of pushing me forward and feeling the lights on my back. As I made it to the end of the bridge I reached out and grabbed a post on the railing and swung around it as the train blurred by.

That's what I'm talkin' bout!

Nutz's pig intestine pranking and Mad's death cheating help us to flesh out these hazy personas we meet in the forums. HH I always figured as the guy who would say, "Hey kid. Hold this while I light it. Now count to ten."

(Mad: Did the train thing happen before or after that old Rob Reiner movie with Matt Damon and the kid from Star Trek NG where four kids hike to see a dead body? If you know the movie you know there's a similar train scene.)

[MadtownPacker]

That's what I'm talkin' bout!

Nutz's pig intestine pranking and Mad's death cheating help us to flesh out these hazy personas we meet in the forums. HH I always figured as the guy who would say, "Hey kid. Hold this while I light it. Now count to ten."

(Mad: Did the train thing happen before or after that old Rob Reiner movie with Matt Damon and the kid from Star Trek NG where four kids hike to see a dead body? If you know the movie you know there's a similar train scene.)

It was a some time after Stand by Me came out but I alway remember it whenever I see that scene. Hell , that might even have put the thought in my mind.

[swede]

why people give BB guns to little boys is a mystery.

Yeah. My first day with a BB gun I discovered that by some trick of physics a BB pellet aimed at my grandfathers barn window would leave a tiny impression where the pellet stuck the pane while making a cone-shaped divot on the opposite side of the pane. Countless trials from different distances and angles on a half-dozen barn windows brought similar results, though I could not fathom why it was that a pellet could fail to penetrate the window and yet damage the other side with such drama and perfect geometry. In those heady moments I felt like Newton exporing some mystery of nature.

Later on Grandpa in a red-faced tirade accused my cousin Billy of having shot out six of his barn windows. Billy protested that even he wasn't stupid enough to shoot out a window.

[swede]

In case you were looking for pictures of overloaded vehicles. I know I always am.

http://www.ezprezzo.com/crazypics/overloaded.html

[Deputy Nutz]

Let me start off with Prairie Dogs. You can actually catch them. What you do is find a field where them dogs have there holes. You gotta make sure your by a water resource and that you can get your hands on a 1 gallon milk jug. Then you got to lay down and and watch for their little heads to pop out of their holes. When they do this you have to chase them back into their holes, and then dump the full gallon jug down the hole with the jug stuck in the gopher hole. Then after all the water is in the hole the gopher only has one option, and that is to flee the hole or drown. well the gopher or prarie dog shoots right into the jug, a simple gopher trap.

Well one day we decided we would collect about 10 to 15 gophers, and let them loose inside one of our buddy's house. We figured that could possibly be illegal, and the fun might lead to jail time. So we collected days worth of Prairie dogs and then decided it would be better to let the little bastard go inside of our high school. We released about 50 of those dirty little bastards inside of that school. Janitors were running around for day trying to catch those little fellas, hell we in school trying to feed them.

[Homer Jay]

Somehow I convinced little Donny M. it was a great feeling to pee on the electric fence. He was about 10 and I was bigger than him, but when he could finally stand up he was scary. Never saw a 10 year old jump quite that high.

[swede]

They actually did a "Mythbusters" on whether or not you can eloctrocute yourself by peeing on a subway rail.

It is, apparently, unlikely. This is because you'd be knocked on your can and break the connection before you could get full effect.

You'd still get the "Donny" effect, though.

[MJZiggy]

Who did the live test on that one and I'm glad I wasn't standing anywhere nearby.

[Homer Jay]

I believe I had heard about it at school and decided Donny was a better option for the experiment than I was. "Knocked on your can" is a good description.

[Little Whiskey]

This one time at band camp i saw this girl with a flute.....

I figured i take that one befor mad does. someone else beat me to the stand by me punch