In Avatar the hero grabs a stick, puts it in some handy plant goo, and makes a torch in like eight seconds.
I could spend the afternoon at the hardware store and still fuck up torchmaking.
I guess I didn't have a question. That was more of a complaint.
You need to spend more time in caves, catacombs or in an angry mob.
If its short notice, go to the patio section of the hardware store and get a tiki torch. You won't be the coolest member of the mob, but you will burn longer.
Bud Adams told me the franchise he admired the most was the Kansas City Chiefs. Then he asked for more hookers and blow.