mraynrand
05-21-2006, 09:56 PM
Mike McCarthy dispatched Packer assistant Gregg Flankstandt to monitor Favre in the offseason and isn't pleased with the news he's getting from Kiln Miss. Said McCarthy, "We've got Favre on a strict off-season diet to reduce his carbs, build muscle mass, and increase fish oil consumption. The hope is that Favre will return to GB a smarter and bulkier QB. But reports at this time are not good. According to our team coprophiliac, Favre's stool analysis shows that only 60% of Favre's corn is being broken up into fragments that indicate good digestion. Clearly, Favre is not adhering to our off-season chewing guidlines." A clearly distraught McCarthy, already under pressure after the defection of Javon Walker and the disregard for Packer haircut guidelines displayed by first round draft pick A.J. Hawk and Al Harris, said that Favre really needed to improve his chewing. "It sends a bad message to the rest of our team, especially all the guys who are busting their butts in these involuntary voluntary minicamps. I realize most of these guys won't be on the roster, but what does it say to rookies like Colledge when the team leader is comfortably with swallowing food after 30 chews instead of 50?" Raw second year cornerback Michael Hawkins said "If Favre ain't gonna chew his grits, then I ain't gonna lift weights. I say screw em, man!" When reached at an undisclosed location, veteran DE 'KGB' said "When your team leader drops a load with corn particles that are incompletely digested, it brings down the whole squad. Clearly Favre just isn't the serious leader he once was, when he took to heart all team edicts." On the heels of a disasterous 4-12 season, news of Favre's off season indescretions casts a pall over an already dismal, but critically important, minicamp opportunity session.