Italian Boy's Confession :-)

[GrnBay007]

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl".
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation"
Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you
may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
" My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, Joey
Pagano, and
I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an
altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and
whispers,
"What'd you get?"

"4 months vacation and five good leads."

[Partial]

I don't get it :(

[GrnBay007]

I don't get it :(

really?

vacation = suspended from being alter boy

5 good leads = the names the priest guessed as the loose girl.

[Partial]

yeah that went right over my head :oops:

[GrnBay007]

yeah that went right over my head :oops:

Maybe it's just me....long day. I thought it was cute, but then again I left the house at 8 and got home at 9 tonight.

[Partial]

I hear ya. I think its funny now that I understand it :lol:

[hoosier]

Jesus, talk about killing a good joke.

[Deputy Nutz]

Partial probably didn't know what a loose girl is.

[packinpatland]

Partial probably didn't know what a loose girl is.
...........or a confessional :wink:

[MadtownPacker]

Partial probably didn't know what a loose girl is.
...........or a confessional :wink:but you can bet he has expierence with priest....

[red]

i liked it

gave me a good idea to find new leads

[Partial]

zing to each and everyone of you

[GrnBay007]

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest,

I almost had an affair with another woman.

The priest said, What do you meam almost?

The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'

The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box.'

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.

He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'

The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'

[GrnBay007]

There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.'

The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.'
The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made mad, passionate love to me seven times.'

The priest thought long and hard and then said, 'Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.'
The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my sins?'
The priest said, 'No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.'

:twisted:

[GrnBay007]

I wonder if there is some hidden message behind my family sending me jokes about going to confession. :shock:

:P

[Tyrone Bigguns]

I wonder if there is some hidden message behind my family sending me jokes about going to confession. :shock:

:P
Maybe it is your grin.

[GrnBay007]

Maybe it is your grin.

:twisted:

[GrnBay007]

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college.

There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. 'Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?'


'Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature.'

The young lady looked at his Awards and Decorations and said, 'It looks like you have seen a lot of action.'


'Yes, ma'am, a lot of action.'

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, 'You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.'

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, 'You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?'

'1955, ma'am.'

'Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955!' She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to 'relax' him several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, 'Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!'

The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his serious voice, 'I hope not, it's only 2130 now.'

Don't ya just love military time?

[Harlan Huckleby]

Is any one else suffering from an insanely hard cock?

A woman telling a dirty joke pushes me over the top.

[GBRulz]

No blue....I can't really say that I am

BTW, 007 - I loved the $50/rubbing joke!! Had to forward these to my catholic parents, lol.

[swede]

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college.

There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. 'Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?'


'Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature.'

The young lady looked at his Awards and Decorations and said, 'It looks like you have seen a lot of action.'


'Yes, ma'am, a lot of action.'

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, 'You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.'

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, 'You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?'

'1955, ma'am.'

'Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955!' She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to 'relax' him several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, 'Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!'

The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his serious voice, 'I hope not, it's only 2130 now.'

Don't ya just love military time?

That was a very funny story!

Somebody pm Partial and explain it to him.

[GrnBay007]

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1 Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. No thanks, I'm in love with someone.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Taco Bell ? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.

[Harlan Huckleby]

If I were the cops, I would just administer the breathalyzer at the taco bell drive-through window around 2 AM. You talk about your high yield sting operation!

[MJZiggy]

What is it about Taco Bell?

[GrnBay007]

What is it about Taco Bell?

It's gotta be this lil guy!! :D

http://wwwimage.cbsnews.com/images/2003/06/05/image557042x.jpg

[Rastak]

Partial probably didn't know what a loose girl is.
...........or a confessional :wink:but you can bet he has expierence with priest....



:lol: :lol: :lol:

[GrnBay007]

Three Hillbillies are shootin' the breeze one day.

1st Hillbilly says: 'My wife sure is stupid!...She bought an air
conditioner. '

2nd Hillbilly says: 'Why is that stupid?'

1st Hillbilly says: 'We ain't got no 'lectricity!'

2nd Hillbilly says: 'That's nothin'! My wife is so stupid, she bought one of

them new fangled warshin ' machines!'

1st Hillbilly says: 'Why is that so stupid?'

2nd Hillbilly says: ''Cause we ain't got no plummin'!'

3rd Hillbilly says: 'That ain't nuthin'! My wife is dumber than both yer
wifes put together! I was going through her purse the other day lookin' fer
some change, and I found 6 condoms in thar.'





1st and 2nd Hillbillies say: 'Well, what's so dumb about that?'

3rd Hillbilly says: 'She ain't got no pecker.

[Harlan Huckleby]

Did you say HillBilly?

http://www.clevelandseniors.com/images/quiz/famous/bill-hillary-clinton.jpg