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woodbuck27
05-27-2008, 09:04 AM
Subject: WHAT DO CANADIANS HAVE TO BE PROUD OF

Here are just some of the things that CANADIANS have to be proud of:

1. Smarties

2. Crispy Crunch, Coffee Crisp

3. The size of our footballs fields, one less down, and bigger balls.

4. Baseball is Canadian (First game June 4, 1838, in Ingersoll,Ont.)

5. Lacrosse is Canadian

6. Hockey is Canadian

7. Basketball is Canadian

8. Apple pie is Canadian

9. Mr. Dress-up beats Mr. Rogers

10. Tim Hortons beats Dunkin' Donuts

11. In the war of 1812, started by America, Canadians pushed the Americans back... past their 'White House'. Then we burned it...and most of Washington.

We got bored because they ran away, so we came home and partied.

Go figure!

12. Canada has the largest French population that never surrendered to Germany.

13. We have the largest English population that never ever surrendered or
withdrew during any war to anyone, anywhere. EVER.

14. Our civil war was fought in a bar and it lasted a little over an hour.

15. The only person who was arrested in our civil war was an American mercenary, who slept in and missed the whole thing but showed up just in time to get caught.

16. A Canadian invented Standard Time.

17. The Hudsons Bay Company once owned over 10% of the earth's surface
and is still around as the worlds oldest company.

18. The average dog sled team can kill and devour a full grown human in under 3 minutes.

19. We still know what to do with all the parts of a buffalo.

20. We don't marry our kin-folk.

21. We invented ski-doos, jet-skis, velcro, zippers, insulin, penicillin, zambonis, the telephone and short wave radios that save countless lives each year.

22. We ALL have frozen our tongues to something metal and lived to tell about it.

23. A Canadian invented Superman.

24. We have coloured money.

25. Our beer advertisements kick ass BUT MOST IMPORTANT!

26. The handles on our beer cases are big enough to fit your hands in with mitts on.

Ohhhhh Canada!!! :D

27. We don't bomb our allies.

28. Our elections only take one day.


I Am Canadian!!! :)

Deputy Nutz
05-27-2008, 09:13 AM
Go Fuck Yourself!

woodbuck27
05-27-2008, 09:28 AM
Subject: Carnation Milk 65 YEARS AGO...This is PRICELESS

Carnation Milk 65 Years Ago ...This is PRICELESS

A little old lady from Wisconsin had worked in and around her family
dairy farms since she was old enough to walk, with hours of hard
work and little compensation.

When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores in
approximately the 1940s, she read an advertisement offering
$5,000 for the best slogan. The producers wanted a rhyme beginning
with 'Carnation Milk is best of all.'

She thought to herself, I know all about milk and dairy farms.
I can do this!

She sent in her entry, and several weeks later, a black limo pulled
up in front of her house. A man got out and said, 'Carnation LOVED your entry so much, we are here to award you $2,000 even though we will not be able to use it!'

'Carnation Milk is best of all.'
No tits to pull, no hay to haul
No buckets to wash, no shit to pitch
Just poke a hole in the-son-of-a-bitch

:)

woodbuck27
05-27-2008, 09:38 AM
Just wanted you to know that I give a shit...HAVE A NICE DAY!
Ed.

Subject: FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH

HOPE THIS MAKES YOU SMILE!

THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD....

Well, it's shit ... that's right , shit!

Shit may just be. . . the most functional word in the English language.

You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, and tell others to eat shit.

Some people know their shit, while others can't tell the difference between shit and shineola.

There are lucky shits, dumb shits, and crazy shits.
There is bull shit, horse shit, and chicken shit.

You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot the shit, or duck when the shit hits the fan.

You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle.

You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit.

Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, and some days are just plain shitty.

Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit.

You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.

You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.

Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose.

When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of the English language.

And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else!!

You could pass this along, if you give a shit; or not do so if you don't give a shit!

Well, Shit, it's time for me to go.

Just wanted you to know that I do give a shit and hope you had a nice day, without a bunch of shit. But, if you happened to catch a load of shit from some shit-head....

Well, SHIT HAPPENS!!!!!!!! :)

woodbuck27
05-27-2008, 09:44 AM
Go Fuck Yourself!

Hangover? Hahahaa that's just NUTS. :D x10

Ed.

woodbuck27
05-27-2008, 09:59 AM
Senior Drivers

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too!!!!


DON'T MESS WITH OLD LADIES!!!