How To Deal With an Assbag Roomate

[Partial]

Post a suggestion as to how to handle the situation described below:

The scene is 2:00 am in the morning on a Saturday night/Sunday morning. Partial has to work in the morning as he is responsible, where as both of the Roomates are currently unemployed losers. Anyway, they come home from a long night of drinking to our apartment of paper thin walls and glorious, echoey hardwood floors, and keep me up until about 4:30 with their assbagery (being loud, laughing ridiculously loud, talking way louder than necessary telling the same stupid stories we've all heard 1000 times).

Despite having to work at 7 this morning, I let that one slide since I'm a good guy.

Now, tonight, at about 1, Assbag 1 of 2 has brought home 3 random hoes and two random dudes. They're making a ton of noise, and its 2:10. I suspect it will go on for several more hours.

I sent a text message to Assbag 1 of 2 telling him to the shut the fuck up and ditch the bar skanks to no avail.

How would you handle the situation? As far as I can see, I have several options, but I am sure I am missing some.

1) Talk to said assbag in the morning. Tell him its annoying.
This is a route I've taken before with mixed results and not going to get the immediate satisfaction and sleep my body needs.

2) Go tell them to leave
This option makes me look like a dick

3) "Sleepwalk" naked into the kitchen and make some sort of food, hoping they will be creeped out and leave.
Not really something I'd like to do


Suggest a solution please.

[Deputy Nutz]

Tell your mom and her boyfriend to shut the fuck up.








Really all kidding aside, they should throw you out for ruining their good time.

[Partial]

To be fair, I'm not some square thats in bed by like 10 in the summer. Normally I'm right out there with them on the weekends, but I gotta work so damn early every morning.

[the_idle_threat]

Probably not option 3. Do that, and one of the "guests" turns out to be a co-worker.

[Tarlam!]

OK Partial, here goes:

Option A: Change surroundings:

New apatment, or, new walls, or, new roomates.

Option B: Earn some respect:

Become a leader, pay them off, pay Mad and his cousins to pay your roomates a visit.

You are experiencing some hard facts in life, my friend. The way you deal with this situation may very well define whether you land homeles under a bridge or, whether you will become a CEO.

Think "Back to the future", the very first film of it's kind.

Me? I'd hire Mad. But I turned out to be a lazy alcohic fuck, so, don't ever listen to me.

[Zool]

You forgot option 4. STFU and deal like 95% of the populace has had to do. You wanted your independence, and that's what you got.

Either sack up and stop worrying about looking like a dick or be a Nancy and deal with it.

Or you could just wake up for work and make as much noise as possible. Passive aggressive is awesome.

[mraynrand]

1) Get some headphones, earplugs, etc. - for until your lease runs out.

2) Try to set some ground rules in the morning/next day when they are sober and less horny. Take away their beer goggles.

3) Start looking for another place to live.

4) Go party with them. In 20 years, you're going to be bald and fat with three annoying kids, a wife, a yard, a piece of shit minivan (or equivalent) and a crappy 30 year mortgage. You're going to remember that you used to be able to say up all night and still work a full day the next day, and now you can't stay awake past 9:30, you hate getting up for work and your boss sucks. Live it up.

5) Stop asking Packerrats for advice. We don't know shit.

[SkinBasket]

Call the police with a noise complaint. Then get naked and walk around while sending text messages to your friends telling them to wake you up. If they come near you, dry hump them. When the police show, make wild claims about how your being held as a sex slave by the strangers in your house and then defecate on the floor and cry some.


I had the same problem when we took up residence with people our own age for the first time. There were four of us. One dropped out of school, started smoking pot twice a day and showering once a month. Him, and his room, smelled like a bum's asshole and he would use all our dishes and leave them to grow fungus in the sink.

For about a week, he brought a bunch of douchefuck goth druggies into the house. They would smoke ditch weed and pop what they thought was acid but turned out to be paper all night, laughing and giggling and acting like little bitches and sleep on the floor all day in the living room. After four or five nights, one of them made a comment about how I must hate them and laughed about it, so I grabbed him off the couch and threw him on the floor and went into my room.

They left shortly after, but afterwards I wished I had done it the first night. Don't make the mistake of thinking your being a "nice guy" by ignoring your roommates being cocksuckers. We thought we were being nice people too and giving our roommate some leeway. Looking back, we were surrounded by a bunch of fuck-ups for almost a week and our roommate was just what he seemed to be - a piece of shit, and for a long time I wish I had just stabbed them all while they slept instead of putting up with that shit for a guy who obviously didn't give a damned about any of the rest of us.

Instead I just fucked with his food for the rest of our lease. I hope he died as a result, but considering he was a living petri dish by that time, I doubt it.

It's your place too Partial, you sad little fuck. Take a stand. If they don't like it, the worst that happens is you end up living with mom again. The best that happens is that you learn to respect yourself (for real this time) a little and you get some sleep.

[Partial]

You forgot option 4. STFU and deal like 95% of the populace has had to do. You wanted your independence, and that's what you got.

Either sack up and stop worrying about looking like a dick or be a Nancy and deal with it.

Or you could just wake up for work and make as much noise as possible. Passive aggressive is awesome.

Thats the pussy way to do it. Really its not a long running issue so I will let it slide I think.

[Zool]

Mixed in my rant was something close to what Skin alluded to. You're getting pushed around because you're allowing it. You have Midwest nice down to a science. Time for action P not indifference.

[Tarlam!]

Lok, Partial. Mad is your best option. He comes at a value packaged price. You may need to deal with one or two nights of Mexican hooha while he and his cousins celebrate, but the word will spread that you have friends in Cali.

Fuck it, it's well worth the risk and it will cost you less than moving.

[GoPackGo]

option 4. STFU and deal like 95% of the populace has had to do

you sound like a bitch complaining about your roomates on the internet.
If you feel so wronged, put this occurance in your memory bank and remember it for later when you can give them payback. With roomates, what goes around comes around. You'll have your chances to get even.

[Scott Campbell]

Suggest a solution please.


Ain't that tough. One of you has to leave. Pick one.

[MadtownPacker]

Lok, Partial. Mad is your best option. He comes at a value packaged price. You may need to deal with one or two nights of Mexican hooha while he and his cousins celebrate, but the word will spread that you have friends in Cali.

Fuck it, it's well worth the risk and it will cost you less than moving.I dont man, this roomie has weed and hoes? I might lean toward kicking Partial the fuck out instead.

[Scott Campbell]

ROFL

[Tarlam!]

Lok, Partial. Mad is your best option. He comes at a value packaged price. You may need to deal with one or two nights of Mexican hooha while he and his cousins celebrate, but the word will spread that you have friends in Cali.

Fuck it, it's well worth the risk and it will cost you less than moving.I dont man, this roomie has weed and hoes? I might lean toward kicking Partial the fuck out instead.

That is your problem. You might wanna éducate Partial. But you made him your Homie back in October. Latest. You're gonna need to look out for him.

[Scott Campbell]

But you made him your Homie back in October.


Good point. I believe the current slang is "Bro's before Ho's". You could check with pop culture expert Tyrone just to be sure.

[Freak Out]

WTF are you doing in bed alone when they are partying with ho's for fucks sake?

[Tyrone Bigguns]

And, so it begins..the education of partial.

Guess that cheap livin arrangement has some drawbacks. Hmm, who woulda thunk it. :roll:

[Tyrone Bigguns]

But you made him your Homie back in October.


Good point. I believe the current slang is "Bro's before Ho's". You could check with pop culture expert Tyrone just to be sure.

Ty would be running those hos...not putting them before his bros.

Then, ty could afford a nice box..in north scottsdale instead of old town. Sigh.

[Partial]

option 4. STFU and deal like 95% of the populace has had to do

you sound like a bitch complaining about your roomates on the internet.
If you feel so wronged, put this occurance in your memory bank and remember it for later when you can give them payback. With roomates, what goes around comes around. You'll have your chances to get even.

No one is complaining, its asking for advice on how to handle the situation.

For what its worth, I told assbag 1 of 2 that I was irritated by that because I had to get up, and we worked it out. Both of said assbags are actually really good guys and about as good of roommates as I could have asked for.

[Partial]

But you made him your Homie back in October.


Good point. I believe the current slang is "Bro's before Ho's". You could check with pop culture expert Tyrone just to be sure.

Ty would be running those hos...not putting them before his bros.

Then, ty could afford a nice box..in north scottsdale instead of old town. Sigh.

You wouldn't be running these hoes. Believe me, these were some nasty chicks.

[Tyrone Bigguns]

But you made him your Homie back in October.


Good point. I believe the current slang is "Bro's before Ho's". You could check with pop culture expert Tyrone just to be sure.

Ty would be running those hos...not putting them before his bros.

Then, ty could afford a nice box..in north scottsdale instead of old town. Sigh.

You wouldn't be running these hoes. Believe me, these were some nasty chicks.

Right...cause hoes are known for being good lookin. :roll:

[Partial]

But you made him your Homie back in October.


Good point. I believe the current slang is "Bro's before Ho's". You could check with pop culture expert Tyrone just to be sure.

Ty would be running those hos...not putting them before his bros.

Then, ty could afford a nice box..in north scottsdale instead of old town. Sigh.

You wouldn't be running these hoes. Believe me, these were some nasty chicks.

Right...cause hoes are known for being good lookin. :roll:

Weakest. Comeback. Ever.

[Tyrone Bigguns]

But you made him your Homie back in October.


Good point. I believe the current slang is "Bro's before Ho's". You could check with pop culture expert Tyrone just to be sure.

Ty would be running those hos...not putting them before his bros.

Then, ty could afford a nice box..in north scottsdale instead of old town. Sigh.

You wouldn't be running these hoes. Believe me, these were some nasty chicks.

Right...cause hoes are known for being good lookin. :roll:

Weakest. Comeback. Ever.

Not a comeback...have you seen some good lookin hoes on the street? I haven't.

[MJZiggy]

Well, there was Julia Roberts...

[Tyrone Bigguns]

Well, there was Julia Roberts...

Don't forget Laura San Giacomo and Jamie Curtis.

All i know is i've never seen a good looking street walker...but, then again never been to the point in NYC.

Ty use to get regularly accosted by a 300 pounder up by the capital when he lived by the cardinal bar. Because ty wouldn't take her up on her offer she accused ty of being gay.

Ty was a gentlemen and accepted her conclusion rather than clue her in.

[Scott Campbell]

But you made him your Homie back in October.


Good point. I believe the current slang is "Bro's before Ho's". You could check with pop culture expert Tyrone just to be sure.

Ty would be running those hos...not putting them before his bros.

Then, ty could afford a nice box..in north scottsdale instead of old town. Sigh.


If Ty was really motivated, he could move to Paradise Valley.

[Scott Campbell]

For what its worth, I told assbag 1 of 2 that I was irritated by that because I had to get up, and we worked it out. Both of said assbags are actually really good guys and about as good of roommates as I could have asked for.



Does this mean no naked sleepwalking in the kitchen?

[MJZiggy]

For what its worth, I told assbag 1 of 2 that I was irritated by that because I had to get up, and we worked it out. Both of said assbags are actually really good guys and about as good of roommates as I could have asked for.



Does this mean no naked sleepwalking in the kitchen?

I think that's better for everyone...

[GoPackGo]

But you made him your Homie back in October.


Good point. I believe the current slang is "Bro's before Ho's". You could check with pop culture expert Tyrone just to be sure.

Ty would be running those hos...not putting them before his bros.

Then, ty could afford a nice box..in north scottsdale instead of old town. Sigh.


If Ty was really motivated, he could move to Paradise Valley.

People who live in Paradise Valley are old people motivated to live by other old people. Its a retirement community for the well to do

[GoPackGo]

option 4. STFU and deal like 95% of the populace has had to do

you sound like a bitch complaining about your roomates on the internet.
If you feel so wronged, put this occurance in your memory bank and remember it for later when you can give them payback. With roomates, what goes around comes around. You'll have your chances to get even.

No one is complaining, its asking for advice on how to handle the situation.

For what its worth, I told assbag 1 of 2 that I was irritated by that because I had to get up, and we worked it out. Both of said assbags are actually really good guys and about as good of roommates as I could have asked for.

Of course they are good guys. Good guys party to late and ruin your sleep sometimes. These things happen when you have roommates. To make things even for their offense the other night, I would put their toothbrushes in dirty underwear for 10 seconds and then return said toothbrushes to bathroom all ninja like.

[Partial]

For what its worth, I told assbag 1 of 2 that I was irritated by that because I had to get up, and we worked it out. Both of said assbags are actually really good guys and about as good of roommates as I could have asked for.



Does this mean no naked sleepwalking in the kitchen?

I think that's better for everyone...

:evil:

[Tyrone Bigguns]

But you made him your Homie back in October.


Good point. I believe the current slang is "Bro's before Ho's". You could check with pop culture expert Tyrone just to be sure.

Ty would be running those hos...not putting them before his bros.

Then, ty could afford a nice box..in north scottsdale instead of old town. Sigh.


If Ty was really motivated, he could move to Paradise Valley.

Ty prefers scottsdale. PV is too old for his taste and is hard to get to freeways from there.

[MJZiggy]

For what its worth, I told assbag 1 of 2 that I was irritated by that because I had to get up, and we worked it out. Both of said assbags are actually really good guys and about as good of roommates as I could have asked for.



Does this mean no naked sleepwalking in the kitchen?

I think that's better for everyone...

:evil:

So you're saying you WANT to be walking around naked in front of your roommates??? Sicko!!

[Partial]

For what its worth, I told assbag 1 of 2 that I was irritated by that because I had to get up, and we worked it out. Both of said assbags are actually really good guys and about as good of roommates as I could have asked for.



Does this mean no naked sleepwalking in the kitchen?

I think that's better for everyone...

:evil:

So you're saying you WANT to be walking around naked in front of your roommates??? Sicko!!

el natural I believe is the expression :lol:

[SkinBasket]

el natural I believe is the expression :lol:

No. It's not.

[MadtownPacker]

I think Whiner P owes his roomies an apology for bad mouthing them on the Internet. It's not their fault he's a fucking tightwad Jew who doesnt know how to have a good time.

[Partial]

Meh I AM the party!!! But a mans gotta sleep every now and again. No one is sure why, but its true.

[Tyrone Bigguns]

I think Whiner P owes his roomies an apology for bad mouthing them on the Internet. It's not their fault he's a fucking tightwad Jew who doesnt know how to have a good time.

Partial is a jew? No way.

Jews don't EVER wind up at Platteville.

[Harlan Huckleby]

Jews don't EVER wind up at Platteville.

aren't there jews with learning disabilities?


"I am a Jew. Hath not a Jew eyes? Hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions; fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, heal'd by the same means, warm'd and cool'd by the same winter and summer, as a Christian is? If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, do we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that."

[Tyrone Bigguns]

Jews don't EVER wind up at Platteville.

aren't there jews with learning disabilities?


"I am a Jew. Hath not a Jew eyes? Hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions; fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, heal'd by the same means, warm'd and cool'd by the same winter and summer, as a Christian is? If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, do we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that."

Of course...those are the ones that wind up at Madison.

[SkinBasket]

The New York Jews were everywhere in Madison during my time there. They practically owned, or maybe literally owned, the private dorm tower on state street. Back in my day if you saw a black North Face jacket and puffy boots, you knew you had found yourself a New York Jew.

Not that there's anything wrong with Jews. They're just all so very Jewish.

[Tyrone Bigguns]

The New York Jews were everywhere in Madison during my time there. They practically owned, or maybe literally owned, the private dorm tower on state street. Back in my day if you saw a black North Face jacket and puffy boots, you knew you had found yourself a New York Jew.

Not that there's anything wrong with Jews. They're just all so very Jewish.

You are referring to THE TOWERS. The towers isn't owned or run by jews...the have them at many campuses. Most out of staters can't get dorm housing..so, they wind up at the towers or (what is was called then) The Statesider, if they want to live communally. Actually, there were plenty of non new yorkers and non jews that lived at both places. I know...i worked at the towers my soph year.

As for the dressing style...you are confusing NYC style for jewish style. I knew other New Yorkers that weren't jewish that dressed exactly that way.

Just like when dressing preppy was a style...jews and non jews from the midwest dressed alike.

NYC jews have been coming to Madison forever....friends of my mom's (jewish) had been there in the late 50s..and it was according to her a pipeline back then. Jews value a good education. If/when madison isn't a good school then you'll see them stop coming.

As for jews...well, you can't even compare a wisco/midwestern jew to a NYC jew.