Anti-Polar Bear
07-16-2006, 02:24 PM
Ok folks, time for my second annual “A Beautiful Mind†thread. If you were at JSO last year like Grnbay007, you will know that this thread is where I predict the upcoming NFL season. Last year I predicted the Pack to go 14-2 and was pretty accurate until Ted Thompson showed up. Like always, amid all the incompetent predictions, my mind remains competent and predict the following out come for the NFC:
NFC North
Packers 14-2. Mike Sherman's work finally comes into fruition as Pack wins the North. Ahman Green rushes for 2000+ yds and 25+ tds. Brett Favre goes out a winner. Ted Thompson, like always, is hibernating.
Bears 10-6. Lovie Smith proves that a black coach can make the playoffs for consecutive seasons with the Bears. Brain Urlacher calls AJ Hawk "mini-me."
Lions 7-9. Rod Marinelli eventually becomes a coach "in title" only. Mike Martz solely runs the greatest show on turf. Lions terrible defense pull them back from the playoffs.
Vikings 3-13. With Mike Samuel (Brad Johnson) starting at QB, new coach Childress have no choice but to revive Barry Alvertez’s playbook during the Ron Dayne era. Viks rushes 50 times a game. Problem is, Ron Dayne now plays for the Broncos.
NFC East
Cowboys 12-4. Every time TO scores a TD in Dallas, he runs to the star at mid-field and praises God. This time Cowboys fans are glad George Teague is nowhere around. Dallas wins the East.
Redskins 10-6. Daniel Snyder proves that spending money does indeed buy playoffs teams.
Eagles 6-10. Donavon McNabb admits he misses TO.
Giants 4-12. Eli Manning leads league in INTs. Enough said.
NFC South
Panthers 10-6. Carolina starts the season 0-4, and white Panthers fans calls out Steve Smith for marrying a white woman. The Black Panthers comes into the picture. All this drama dies out when Panthers win 10 of their next 12 games, proving that winning can indeed cure everyone’s ills.
Falcons 8-8. During the Falcons bye week, Mike Vick accepts an invitation to start opposite Silvia Saint in the porn flick entitled, “The (black) Jock and the (white) Woman.†Vick uses the alias Ron Mexico.
Bucs 5-11. Southerners, black and white alike, are turned off by Cadillac Williams perchance to drive his Cadillac around suburbs. Said Cadillac, “fuck them. Im rich and im black. Anybody who dissed me needs to kiss my ass.â€ÂÂ
Saints 3-13. Saints regrets not hiring Mike Sherman, a winner. Bad move on their part. To keep the Saints in theme with the rest of the NFC South, the Saints owner is angry that 92% of the fans in attendance at the Super Dome are black. The owner threatens to move the Saints to the suburb of New Jersey, where blond bland middle class republicans resides.
NFC West
Seahawks 11-5. Matt Hasselback gets artificial hair implant. The QB no longer is bald, though he remains bold, leading the NFL in TDs passes.
Rams 7-9. Article 6, Section 14, Line 13 of the NFL rule book stats (or more technically, warns): “Do not hire anyone with Minnesota Vikings ties. Do that and you lose.†The Rams lost. They failed to hire Mike Sherman, a winner.
Cardinals 7-9: See the Rams, although its not their fault that Mike Sherman isn’t there coach. Sherman was busy winning in Green Bay when Dennis Green was hired.
49ers 0-16. Niners wish Reggie Bush had stay in school. They are on the clock.
Wildcard
Panthers over Bears
Seahawks over Redskins
Divisional
Packers over Panthers
Seahawks over Cowboys
Championship
Packers over Seahawks
Super Bowl
Packers over Colts
NFC North
Packers 14-2. Mike Sherman's work finally comes into fruition as Pack wins the North. Ahman Green rushes for 2000+ yds and 25+ tds. Brett Favre goes out a winner. Ted Thompson, like always, is hibernating.
Bears 10-6. Lovie Smith proves that a black coach can make the playoffs for consecutive seasons with the Bears. Brain Urlacher calls AJ Hawk "mini-me."
Lions 7-9. Rod Marinelli eventually becomes a coach "in title" only. Mike Martz solely runs the greatest show on turf. Lions terrible defense pull them back from the playoffs.
Vikings 3-13. With Mike Samuel (Brad Johnson) starting at QB, new coach Childress have no choice but to revive Barry Alvertez’s playbook during the Ron Dayne era. Viks rushes 50 times a game. Problem is, Ron Dayne now plays for the Broncos.
NFC East
Cowboys 12-4. Every time TO scores a TD in Dallas, he runs to the star at mid-field and praises God. This time Cowboys fans are glad George Teague is nowhere around. Dallas wins the East.
Redskins 10-6. Daniel Snyder proves that spending money does indeed buy playoffs teams.
Eagles 6-10. Donavon McNabb admits he misses TO.
Giants 4-12. Eli Manning leads league in INTs. Enough said.
NFC South
Panthers 10-6. Carolina starts the season 0-4, and white Panthers fans calls out Steve Smith for marrying a white woman. The Black Panthers comes into the picture. All this drama dies out when Panthers win 10 of their next 12 games, proving that winning can indeed cure everyone’s ills.
Falcons 8-8. During the Falcons bye week, Mike Vick accepts an invitation to start opposite Silvia Saint in the porn flick entitled, “The (black) Jock and the (white) Woman.†Vick uses the alias Ron Mexico.
Bucs 5-11. Southerners, black and white alike, are turned off by Cadillac Williams perchance to drive his Cadillac around suburbs. Said Cadillac, “fuck them. Im rich and im black. Anybody who dissed me needs to kiss my ass.â€ÂÂ
Saints 3-13. Saints regrets not hiring Mike Sherman, a winner. Bad move on their part. To keep the Saints in theme with the rest of the NFC South, the Saints owner is angry that 92% of the fans in attendance at the Super Dome are black. The owner threatens to move the Saints to the suburb of New Jersey, where blond bland middle class republicans resides.
NFC West
Seahawks 11-5. Matt Hasselback gets artificial hair implant. The QB no longer is bald, though he remains bold, leading the NFL in TDs passes.
Rams 7-9. Article 6, Section 14, Line 13 of the NFL rule book stats (or more technically, warns): “Do not hire anyone with Minnesota Vikings ties. Do that and you lose.†The Rams lost. They failed to hire Mike Sherman, a winner.
Cardinals 7-9: See the Rams, although its not their fault that Mike Sherman isn’t there coach. Sherman was busy winning in Green Bay when Dennis Green was hired.
49ers 0-16. Niners wish Reggie Bush had stay in school. They are on the clock.
Wildcard
Panthers over Bears
Seahawks over Redskins
Divisional
Packers over Panthers
Seahawks over Cowboys
Championship
Packers over Seahawks
Super Bowl
Packers over Colts