That's when the fight started.......

[packinpatland]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.
The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
************************************************** **********************
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!", she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started....
************************************************** **********************
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No", she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started....
************************************************** **********************
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And that's when the fight started......
************************************************** *******************

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare,please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started.....
************************************************** **********************
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started...

================================================== ====================

My wife was hinting about what she wanted
for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes
from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...

================================================== ==================

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her
high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat
alone at a nearby table.
I asked her , "Do you know him?"
"Yes," she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend...
I understand he took to drinking right after
we split up those many years ago, and I hear
he hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "who would think a person
could go on celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...

================================================== =========

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we
were alongside the road and slowly the other
driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get so stressed and little things just
seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it-he was a LITTLE PERSON!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me,
and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"
So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"
And then the fight started...

[]{ilr]3]

I have seen most of those before, but they still make me LOL :lol:

Here are some of my favorite images

http://usera.imagecave.com/KilrB/379652.jpg

http://usera.ImageCave.com/KilrB/poster-alcohol-interest.jpg

http://usera.ImageCave.com/KilrB/poster-beauty-beerholder.jpg

http://usera.ImageCave.com/KilrB/poster-beer-proof-be-happy2.jpg

http://usera.ImageCave.com/KilrB/poster-vodka-horny.jpg

[packinpatland]

Good stuff. :lol:

[hurleyfan]

I love this shit!

[Tarlam!]

Great thread!

At home with with an elderly couple. Alice, was loading the dishes into the dishwasher in the kitchen. Her hubbie, Bob was watching TV in the living room. A normal scene, you would suspect.

The door bell rings and, groaning to himself, Bob heads over to answer it. Lo and behold, the Grim Reaper himself is standing there; Bob says " Alice, it's for you!"

[hurleyfan]

A priest was seated next to an Irishman on a flight to San Francisco.
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman
asked for Rum & Coke, which was brought and placed before him. The
flight attendant then asked the Priest if he would like a drink. He replied
in disgust....
"I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch
my lips." The Irishman then handed his drink back to the flight attendant
and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."

[packinpatland]

The Best Smart A$$ Answers



SMART A$$ ANSWER #6

It was mealtime during an airline flight To Canada. 'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. 'What are my choices?' John asked. 'Yes or no,' she replied.

SMART A$$ ANSWER #5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate in Florida to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the t icket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'

SMART A$$ ANSWER #4

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store in New York but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?' The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.'

SMART A$$ ANSWER #3

The police officer in Montgomery got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said. The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.' When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

SMART A$$ ANSWER #2

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a s ign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?' The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'

SMART A$$ ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2008 !!

An Alabama college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!' A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?' The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering when silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'

AN EXTRA BONUS

A wom an is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.

[SnakeLH2006]

argghhhh...Thought this had something to do pre-bannings....That is always interesting. MISLEADING TITLE galore.

But alas, good stuff and a good read bro! Snake likes it.