Tyrone Bigguns
10-02-2009, 11:56 AM
Name Justin -
Bio I'm 29. I live with my 73-year-old dad. He is awesome. I just write down shit that he says.
http://twitter.com/Shitmydadsays
1. "You're like a tornado of bullshit right now. We'll talk again after your bullshit dies out over someone else's house."about 17 hours ago from web
2. "Jesus Christ, Just give the dog his fucking food. Why's he gotta do a trick first? YOU don't have to do shit before YOU eat."10:28 AM Sep 30th from web
3. "It's not the gardener's job to pick up the dog shit. If you don't want to pick up the dog shit, then learn a skill like gardening."12:47 PM Sep 28th from web
4. Do these announcers ever shut the fuck up? Don't ever say stuff just because you think you should. That's the definition of an asshole."11:51 AM Sep 27th from web
5. "A scar ain't 13 god damned stitches. I'll introduce you to men with REAL scars, then we'll all laugh at your fucking 13 stitches together."10:57 AM Sep 26th from web
6. "I'm sitting in one of those TGI Friday's places, and everyone looks like they want to shove a shotgun in their mouth."2:56 PM Sep 24th from web
7. "You're gonna run into jerk offs. But remember, it's not the size of the asshole you worry about, it's how much shit comes out of it."10:46 AM Sep 23rd from web
8. "I wouldn't worry about money...No, it has a lot to do with happiness, I just meant YOU shouldn't worry, cause you'd just piss it away."9:28 AM Sep 22nd from web
9. "No, you can not borrow my t-shirt...How about instead of standing there looking shocked, you do your fucking laundry?"3:30 PM Sep 21st from web
10. I think the baby shit....Well, I'm smelling shit right now, so if it ain't the baby, one of you has a big fucking problem."12:05 PM Sep 20th from web
11. "Sometimes life leaves a hundred dollar bill on your dresser, and you don't realize until later that it's because it fucked you."10:38 AM Sep 19th from web
12. "The universe does not give a fuck about you. You are a speck in its shit."3:00 PM Sep 17th from web
13. "Fucking Radio Shack. It's a wonder they even know how to use a bathroom and don't just walk around all day with shit in their pants."12:08 PM Sep 16th from web
14. "Don't listen to the pussy side of you when you make a decision. People gravitate towards being a pussy. Remove the pussy, son."11:57 AM Sep 15th from web
15. "Happy birthday, I didn't get you a present...Oh, mom got you one? Well, that's from me then too, unless it's shitty."9:52 AM Sep 14th from web
16. "Anytime someone sells you food in a sack, it's not a sack of food, it's a sack of shit."11:29 AM Sep 13th from web
17. "I turn the kitchen faucet on and the shower burns you, yes, I get it...No, I'm not gonna stop, I'm just saying yes, I get that concept."8:54 AM Sep 11th from web
18. "Why the fuck would I want to live to 100? I'm 73 and shit's starting to get boring. By the way, there's no money left when I go, just fyi."2:58 PM Sep 10th from web
19. 'You don't know shit, and you're not shit. Don't take that the wrong way, that was meant to cheer you up."12:01 PM Sep 9th from web
20. "Here's a strawberry, sorry for farting near you...Hey! Either take the strawberry and stop bitching, or no strawberry, that's the deal."2:04 PM Sep 8th from web
# "The worst thing you can be is a liar....Okay fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but THEN, number two is liar. Nazi 1, Liar 2"12:41 PM Sep 7th from web
# "Who in the fuck is tila tequila? Is she a stripper?...That's her? Yeah, that's a stripper, son, I don't give a shit what you say."11:22 AM Sep 6th from web
# "Everybody loves that Da Vinci code book. Bullshit, it sucks. I read it. It's for all the dummies."12:24 PM Sep 5th from web
# "I'm having a Makers Mark, you want one? What? 7up? I ain't mixing fucking makers with 7up. Might as well put a lil' fucking umbrella in it"9:28 AM Sep 4th from web
# “You touched that god damned biscuit. Bullshit, I saw you touch it….I don’t give a shit about your evidence, this isn’t a court of law."2:01 PM Sep 3rd from web
# "It's just a fucking june bug, calm down. Jesus Christ, what happens when something bigger than a testicle attacks you?"1:12 PM Sep 2nd from web
# "What are you listening to?...I know who Hall & Oates are god dammit. It's the mustache guy and the gay man."11:16 AM Sep 1st from web
# "I just did an hour on the gym machine. I'm sweaty and I have to shit. Where's my fannypack, this workout is over."10:36 AM Aug 31st from web
# to my bro-"Your baby dropped his binky. The binky is on the table. THE BINKY IS ON THE TABLE. BINKY ON TABLE. PICK.UP.THE.BINKY. Thank you."9:39 PM Aug 30th from web
# (watching the Little League World Series) "These kids are all fat. I remember when you were in little league.... You were fat."2:07 PM Aug 29th from web
# "You know, sometimes it's nice having you around. But now ain't one of those times. Now gimmie the remote we're not watching this bullshit."11:18 AM Aug 28th from web
# "Your mother rented this film, What Happens In Vegas. I thought it was going to be non-fiction, but it's fiction, and it's about some idiot.10:38 AM Aug 27th from web
# "The dog don't like you planting stuff there. It's his backyard. If you're the only one who shits in something, you own it. Remember that."9:33 AM Aug 26th from web
# "How the fuck should I know if it's still good? Eat it. You get sick, it wasn't good. You people, you think I got microscopic fucking eyes."1:55 PM Aug 25th from web
# "Who is this woman?....Kate Beckinsale? Well, you can tell Kate Beckinsale she sucks."8:07 PM Aug 24th from web
# "You need to flush the toilet more than once...No, YOU, YOU specifically need to. You know what, use a different toilet. This is my toilet."1:07 PM Aug 23rd from web
# "Don't touch the bacon, it's not done yet. You let me handle the bacon, and i'll let you handle..what ever it is you do. I guess nothing."11:15 AM Aug 22nd from web
# "Your mother made a batch of meatballs last night. Some are for you, some are for me, but more are for me. Remember that. More. Me."8:57 AM Aug 21st from web
# "Your brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could stand. It couldn't stand for shit. Just sat there. Big let down."9:35 AM Aug 20th from web
# "Love this Mrs. Dash. The bitch can make spices... Jesus, Joni (my mom) it's a joke. I was making a joke! Mrs. Dash isn't even real dammit!"9:28 AM Aug 19th from web
# "The dog is not bored, it's a fucking dog. It's not like he's waiting for me to give him a fucking rubix cube. He's a god damned dog."10:43 AM Aug 18th from web
# "They serve Jim Beam on airplanes. Tastes like piss. You wouldn't be able to tell the difference, because you drink shit. I don't."9:23 AM Aug 17th from web
# "My flight lands at 9:30 on Sunday...You want to watch what? What the fuck is mad men? I'm a mad man if you don't pick me the hell up."2:42 PM Aug 15th from web
# "It's watering plants, Justin. You just take a God damned hose and you put it over the plant. You don't even pay rent, just do it. Shit."9:56 AM Aug 14th from web
# (left on answering machine) "Hello? Hello? It's Sam. Anyone there? Nobody checks this god damned thing. HELLO?! HELLO?! Screw it."8:46 AM Aug 12th from web
# "Tennessee is nice. The first time I vomited was in tennessee, I think."10:22 AM Aug 11th from web
# If your brother comes by, tell him I'm on vacation. I already told him that, but who knows with that guy. Are you listening to me? Fuck.9:51 AM Aug 11th from web
# Why would i want to check a voicemail on my cell phone? People want to talk to me, call again. If i want to talk to you, I'll answer.9:33 AM Aug 7th from web
# "Jesus it's hot in here? Right? No? It's fucking hot, you people looking at me like i'm crazy. You're crazy."9:41 AM Aug 6th from web
# "When I used to live in Los Angeles, I used to step in human feces a lot."9:13 AM Aug 5th from web
# "The dog is an outside dog. You want an inside dog, you go get your own inside."9:59 AM Aug 4th from web
# "I didn't live to be 73 years old so I could eat kale. Don't fix me your breakfast and pretend you're fixing mine."11:24 AM Aug 3rd from web
Bio I'm 29. I live with my 73-year-old dad. He is awesome. I just write down shit that he says.
http://twitter.com/Shitmydadsays
1. "You're like a tornado of bullshit right now. We'll talk again after your bullshit dies out over someone else's house."about 17 hours ago from web
2. "Jesus Christ, Just give the dog his fucking food. Why's he gotta do a trick first? YOU don't have to do shit before YOU eat."10:28 AM Sep 30th from web
3. "It's not the gardener's job to pick up the dog shit. If you don't want to pick up the dog shit, then learn a skill like gardening."12:47 PM Sep 28th from web
4. Do these announcers ever shut the fuck up? Don't ever say stuff just because you think you should. That's the definition of an asshole."11:51 AM Sep 27th from web
5. "A scar ain't 13 god damned stitches. I'll introduce you to men with REAL scars, then we'll all laugh at your fucking 13 stitches together."10:57 AM Sep 26th from web
6. "I'm sitting in one of those TGI Friday's places, and everyone looks like they want to shove a shotgun in their mouth."2:56 PM Sep 24th from web
7. "You're gonna run into jerk offs. But remember, it's not the size of the asshole you worry about, it's how much shit comes out of it."10:46 AM Sep 23rd from web
8. "I wouldn't worry about money...No, it has a lot to do with happiness, I just meant YOU shouldn't worry, cause you'd just piss it away."9:28 AM Sep 22nd from web
9. "No, you can not borrow my t-shirt...How about instead of standing there looking shocked, you do your fucking laundry?"3:30 PM Sep 21st from web
10. I think the baby shit....Well, I'm smelling shit right now, so if it ain't the baby, one of you has a big fucking problem."12:05 PM Sep 20th from web
11. "Sometimes life leaves a hundred dollar bill on your dresser, and you don't realize until later that it's because it fucked you."10:38 AM Sep 19th from web
12. "The universe does not give a fuck about you. You are a speck in its shit."3:00 PM Sep 17th from web
13. "Fucking Radio Shack. It's a wonder they even know how to use a bathroom and don't just walk around all day with shit in their pants."12:08 PM Sep 16th from web
14. "Don't listen to the pussy side of you when you make a decision. People gravitate towards being a pussy. Remove the pussy, son."11:57 AM Sep 15th from web
15. "Happy birthday, I didn't get you a present...Oh, mom got you one? Well, that's from me then too, unless it's shitty."9:52 AM Sep 14th from web
16. "Anytime someone sells you food in a sack, it's not a sack of food, it's a sack of shit."11:29 AM Sep 13th from web
17. "I turn the kitchen faucet on and the shower burns you, yes, I get it...No, I'm not gonna stop, I'm just saying yes, I get that concept."8:54 AM Sep 11th from web
18. "Why the fuck would I want to live to 100? I'm 73 and shit's starting to get boring. By the way, there's no money left when I go, just fyi."2:58 PM Sep 10th from web
19. 'You don't know shit, and you're not shit. Don't take that the wrong way, that was meant to cheer you up."12:01 PM Sep 9th from web
20. "Here's a strawberry, sorry for farting near you...Hey! Either take the strawberry and stop bitching, or no strawberry, that's the deal."2:04 PM Sep 8th from web
# "The worst thing you can be is a liar....Okay fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but THEN, number two is liar. Nazi 1, Liar 2"12:41 PM Sep 7th from web
# "Who in the fuck is tila tequila? Is she a stripper?...That's her? Yeah, that's a stripper, son, I don't give a shit what you say."11:22 AM Sep 6th from web
# "Everybody loves that Da Vinci code book. Bullshit, it sucks. I read it. It's for all the dummies."12:24 PM Sep 5th from web
# "I'm having a Makers Mark, you want one? What? 7up? I ain't mixing fucking makers with 7up. Might as well put a lil' fucking umbrella in it"9:28 AM Sep 4th from web
# “You touched that god damned biscuit. Bullshit, I saw you touch it….I don’t give a shit about your evidence, this isn’t a court of law."2:01 PM Sep 3rd from web
# "It's just a fucking june bug, calm down. Jesus Christ, what happens when something bigger than a testicle attacks you?"1:12 PM Sep 2nd from web
# "What are you listening to?...I know who Hall & Oates are god dammit. It's the mustache guy and the gay man."11:16 AM Sep 1st from web
# "I just did an hour on the gym machine. I'm sweaty and I have to shit. Where's my fannypack, this workout is over."10:36 AM Aug 31st from web
# to my bro-"Your baby dropped his binky. The binky is on the table. THE BINKY IS ON THE TABLE. BINKY ON TABLE. PICK.UP.THE.BINKY. Thank you."9:39 PM Aug 30th from web
# (watching the Little League World Series) "These kids are all fat. I remember when you were in little league.... You were fat."2:07 PM Aug 29th from web
# "You know, sometimes it's nice having you around. But now ain't one of those times. Now gimmie the remote we're not watching this bullshit."11:18 AM Aug 28th from web
# "Your mother rented this film, What Happens In Vegas. I thought it was going to be non-fiction, but it's fiction, and it's about some idiot.10:38 AM Aug 27th from web
# "The dog don't like you planting stuff there. It's his backyard. If you're the only one who shits in something, you own it. Remember that."9:33 AM Aug 26th from web
# "How the fuck should I know if it's still good? Eat it. You get sick, it wasn't good. You people, you think I got microscopic fucking eyes."1:55 PM Aug 25th from web
# "Who is this woman?....Kate Beckinsale? Well, you can tell Kate Beckinsale she sucks."8:07 PM Aug 24th from web
# "You need to flush the toilet more than once...No, YOU, YOU specifically need to. You know what, use a different toilet. This is my toilet."1:07 PM Aug 23rd from web
# "Don't touch the bacon, it's not done yet. You let me handle the bacon, and i'll let you handle..what ever it is you do. I guess nothing."11:15 AM Aug 22nd from web
# "Your mother made a batch of meatballs last night. Some are for you, some are for me, but more are for me. Remember that. More. Me."8:57 AM Aug 21st from web
# "Your brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could stand. It couldn't stand for shit. Just sat there. Big let down."9:35 AM Aug 20th from web
# "Love this Mrs. Dash. The bitch can make spices... Jesus, Joni (my mom) it's a joke. I was making a joke! Mrs. Dash isn't even real dammit!"9:28 AM Aug 19th from web
# "The dog is not bored, it's a fucking dog. It's not like he's waiting for me to give him a fucking rubix cube. He's a god damned dog."10:43 AM Aug 18th from web
# "They serve Jim Beam on airplanes. Tastes like piss. You wouldn't be able to tell the difference, because you drink shit. I don't."9:23 AM Aug 17th from web
# "My flight lands at 9:30 on Sunday...You want to watch what? What the fuck is mad men? I'm a mad man if you don't pick me the hell up."2:42 PM Aug 15th from web
# "It's watering plants, Justin. You just take a God damned hose and you put it over the plant. You don't even pay rent, just do it. Shit."9:56 AM Aug 14th from web
# (left on answering machine) "Hello? Hello? It's Sam. Anyone there? Nobody checks this god damned thing. HELLO?! HELLO?! Screw it."8:46 AM Aug 12th from web
# "Tennessee is nice. The first time I vomited was in tennessee, I think."10:22 AM Aug 11th from web
# If your brother comes by, tell him I'm on vacation. I already told him that, but who knows with that guy. Are you listening to me? Fuck.9:51 AM Aug 11th from web
# Why would i want to check a voicemail on my cell phone? People want to talk to me, call again. If i want to talk to you, I'll answer.9:33 AM Aug 7th from web
# "Jesus it's hot in here? Right? No? It's fucking hot, you people looking at me like i'm crazy. You're crazy."9:41 AM Aug 6th from web
# "When I used to live in Los Angeles, I used to step in human feces a lot."9:13 AM Aug 5th from web
# "The dog is an outside dog. You want an inside dog, you go get your own inside."9:59 AM Aug 4th from web
# "I didn't live to be 73 years old so I could eat kale. Don't fix me your breakfast and pretend you're fixing mine."11:24 AM Aug 3rd from web