Favorite Bears Joke

[Scott Campbell]

List your favorite Bears joke.


Mine has to be how Brian's Song was such a sad movie..................


.........because only 1 Bear player died at the end.

[Smeefers]

The Chicago Bears signed Jay Cutler to a two-year extension. Or 100 fourth-quarter interceptions, whichever comes first.

[SkinBasket]

"I know their guy is red hot," Idonije said of Green Bay quarterback Aaron Rodgers. "But we've got a really good one over here, too."

He must do improv on Wednesdays.

[green_bowl_packer]

Brian Urlacher Theorizes Saturn Might Have Playoff Atmosphere

CHICAGO—Bears middle linebacker Brian Urlacher posited a new theory to his teammates Wednesday, speculating that the rapid rotation of Saturn, coupled with the planet's extreme conditions, greatly increase the likelihood that the gas giant has an amazing playoff atmosphere. "If I was on the visiting team, I wouldn't want to go there for a postseason game, because the environment would be incredibly hostile," Urlacher said. "The pressure just gets more intense the deeper you go, and the whole place just gets totally raucous because you've got to contend with 500 mph winds. Plus, the surface probably gets really slippery from the helium rain. Any team from Saturn who gets home-field advantage would make it to the Super Bowl easy." Although Urlacher claimed that the high concentration of hydrogen and trace amounts of methane, ammonia, phosphine, and acetylene would leave players gasping for breath, quarterback Jay Cutler insisted the thin Rocky Mountain air made INVESCO Field at Mile High a harder place to play.

http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/articles/brian-urlacher-theorizes-saturn-might-have-playoff,18835/

[red]

what do you call a fat-assed, drunken, obnoxious, loud mouthed, fair weather asshole?


a FIB

[Packers4Glory]

here is the Packer joke being copy and pasted on FB here



A Bears fan, Packers fan and a Seahawks fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more. The Seahawks fan insists that he is the most loyal. "This is for the Seahawks!" He yells, and jumps off the side of the mountain. Not to be outdone, the Bears fan is next to profess his love ...for his team. He... yells, "this is for the Bears!" And pushes the Packers fan off the mountain... GO BEARS!!!!

[CaptainKickass]

Ok - I'll play:

Q: Why is there always a constant wind blowing in the southerly direction from Milwaukee?

A: Because Chicago sucks!

[Little Whiskey]

Why doesn't Iowa have a real professional football team?

because then illinois would want one.

[CaptainKickass]

.

Baby Bear was in family court. His parent were divorcing.
After hearing the arguments, the Judge decided to ask: "Baby Bear do you want to go live with your Father?"
Baby Bear responded: "No sir your honor, my father beats me."
The Judge replied: "Oh, OK. So then you must want to go live with your mother then, yes?"
Baby Bear began to tear up, but managed to spit out the words "No sir your honor, my mother beats me too"
The judge, feeling the strings of his heart being tugged upon, says: "Well Baby Bear - if you don't want to live with your mother, and you don't want to live with your father...then who DO you want to live with?"
The Baby Bear wipes his tears and gathers himself. He clears his throat and responds: "Your honor, I want to go live with the Chicago Bears, they don't beat anybody!"

[get louder at lambeau]

This is my favorite Bears joke is Rex Grossman.

[sheepshead]

How do you keep Bears out of your back yard? put up goal posts.

[Scott Campbell]

A Packer and Bear fan are walking through the woods when they come upon a sheep with it's head stuck in a fence. The Packer fan (probably Murphy) drops his pants and has his way with the sheep. Then the Packer fan says to the Bear fan "now it's your turn". So the Bear fan sticks his head in the fence.

[Iron Mike]

http://static03.mediaite.com/sportsgrid/uploads/2011/01/bearsfanoveralls.jpg

Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

[Pugger]

Why doesn't Cutler talk on the phone?

Because he can't find the receiver.

:lol:

[Packers4Glory]

here is the other retarded bears post making the rounds...


Cutler, who art in Chicago, Hallowed be thine arm. Thy bowl will come, it will be won, in Dallas as it was in Chicago. Give us this Sunday, our weekly win and forgive the less-passers as you will not let them pass against us. Lead us not into frustration, but deliver us from the Packers. For thine is the MVP, the best of the NFC, and glory of the Monsters of the Midway, now and forever. AMEN!! GO BEARS!!!

[VermontPackFan]

http://static03.mediaite.com/sportsgrid/uploads/2011/01/bearsfanoveralls.jpg

Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

I saw this kid on TV and thought the same thing. What was he thinking...?

[Little Whiskey]

http://static03.mediaite.com/sportsgrid/uploads/2011/01/bearsfanoveralls.jpg

Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

da baddests bear?

[denverYooper]

I saw this kid on TV and thought the same thing. What was he thinking...?

"Polish sassage, polish sassage"

[Cheesehead Craig]

Notre Dame hopes to play a game at Soldier Field in 2012. The Chicago Bears hope to beat them.

[Iron Mike]

A teacher tells the class she is a Bears fan. The class agrees with the exception of one girl. When asked who she likes the girl replies "the Packers". The teacher asks "Why?" The girl replies "'cause my Mommy and Daddy are Packer fans." The teacher replies "That's no reason, what if your dad was an idiot and your mom was a moron--what would you be?" The girl replies "A Bears fan."

[sheepshead]

A Green Bay Packers Fan is drinking in a New York bar when he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar, announcing his wife has produced a typical Green Bay baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds,
but the Packer Fan just shrugs, "That's about average back home, folks, like I said, my boy's a typical Green Bay baby boy.

Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "WOW!". One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.

Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of that typical Green Bay baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks.
So how much does he weigh now?"

The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."
The bartender is puzzled, concerned, and a little suspicious.
"What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born!"

The Green Bay father takes a slow swig from his Leinenkugel's beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says,

"...Had him circumcised!"

[bobblehead]

Bears fan and a Packers fan find a genie. the genie says "ok boys, its a recession, ONE wish each". Bears fan beams at the packer fan and says "I want you to put a 20 foot high impenetrable wall up around Illinois so no one can get in and no one can get out....I don't want any damn Packer fans in my state". Poof "its done" says the genie, turning his attention to the packer fan.

The packer fan scratches his head and says "tell me a bit about this wall". "Well, its the perfect wall, under no circumstances can anyone or anything get in or out of Illinois" replies the genie.

"and there are only bears fans there, and no packer fans?" asks the packer fan. "thats right" says the genie.

"OK, I'm ready to make my wish. Can you fill Illinois with water please".

[Bretsky]

A teacher tells her class she's a Bears fan. The class agrees with her except one little girl. When asked who she likes the girl said the Packers, the teacher asked why and the girl said "because my mommy and daddy are fans". The teacher replies "that's no reason to like them, what if your dad was an idiot and your mom was a moron then what would you be?" The little girl replied back, "a Bears fan"...

[Joemailman]

Hey B,

Iron Mike beat you to it by about 3 hours...and 4 posts. :wink:

[LP]

http://static03.mediaite.com/sportsgrid/uploads/2011/01/bearsfanoveralls.jpg

Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

Hey, this wouldn't be that BearsFan4Life person that was on JSO a few years ago would it?

[gbgary]

http://cdn.bleacherreport.net/images_root/slides/photos/000/646/542/105995790_display_image.jpg?1295375097

[green_bowl_packer]

What is Mike Tice asking for his tickets?

[Jimx29]

Two boys were playing football in a Green Bay area
park when one is attacked by a Rottweiler. Thinking
quickly, the other boy rips off a plank of the nearby
fence, wedges it down the dog's collar & twists, breaking
the dog's neck. A reporter who was strolling by sees
...the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy.
"Packers Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal,"
he starts writing in his notebook.
"But I'm not a Packers fan," the boy replied.
"Viking Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack,"
the reporter starts again.
"I'm not a Viking fan either," the boy said.
"Then what are you?" the reporter asked.
"I'm a Bears fan."
The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes,
"Redneck Bastard Kills Family Pet."

[Jimx29]

http://i56.tinypic.com/28b8n0m.jpg

[Jimx29]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v24/numbnutz/LovieUrlacher.jpg

[mraynrand]

Where is Dabaddest Bear?

http://packerrats.com/http://i453.photobucket.com/albums/qq254/mraynrand/typicalbearstroll1.jpghttp://packerrats.com/http://i453.photobucket.com/albums/qq254/mraynrand/typicalbearstroll1.jpghttp://i453.photobucket.com/albums/qq254/mraynrand/typicalbearstroll1.jpg

[mraynrand]

I'm betting these guys show up early drunk

http://i453.photobucket.com/albums/qq254/mraynrand/dabears.jpg

[Iron Mike]

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x923hu_bill-swerski-s-superfans-with-joe-m_fun

[get louder at lambeau]

An anxious woman goes to her doctor and says, "I'm a bit nervous...can you get pregnant from anal intercourse? "



"Of course", he replies, "Where do you think Bear fans come from?"

[sheepshead]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bIvp3uFYbvw&feature=player_embedded

[MichiganPackerFan]

This is my favorite Bears joke is Rex Grossman.

Of all things, this is what i thought of first!

[get louder at lambeau]

Did I really write "This is my favorite joke is..."?? I'm getting dumber and dumber. Next thing you know, I'll start agreeing with Retail.

[Fritz]

That Cutler cartoon is hilarious. Especially the interception/conga line.

[mmmdk]

That Cutler cartoon is hilarious. Especially the interception/conga line.

Oscar material :lol:

[CaptainKickass]

That Cutler cartoon is hilarious. Especially the interception/conga line.

+1

[RashanGary]

Leader of Da Bears


http://eatdrinkandsleepfootball.com/images/jay-cutler.jpg

[vince]

Lovie Smith wanted to find out how the Packers got to be such a good team, so he travelled up to Green Bay and met with McCarthy.

Lovie: "What is it that makes your team so good coach?"

McCarthy: "That's easy Lovie. Aaron, come here a minute."

Rodgers: "Yeah coach?"

McCarthy: "Aaron, who's your dad's brother's nephew?"

Rodgers: "That's easy coach. It's me."

McCarthy: "There you go Lovie. You have to have a smart QB."

So Lovie travelled back to Chicago and immediately went up to Jay Cutler.

Lovie: "Jay, who's your dad's brother's nephew?"

Jay thought for a minute and said, "Hang on a minute coach."

Cutler went up to Urlacher and asked, "Hey Brian, who's your dad's brother's nephew?"

Urlacher: "That's easy Jay. It's me."

Cutler goes back to Lovie and says, "Hey coach, I know the answer! It's Brian Urlacher!"

Lovie: "You idiot Jay! We're never going to win it all! It's Aaron Rodgers!"

[mraynrand]

Lovie Smith wanted to find out how the Packers got to be such a good team, so he travelled up to Green Bay and met with McCarthy.

Lovie: "What is it that makes your team so good coach?"

McCarthy: "That's easy Lovie. Aaron, come here a minute."

Rodgers: "Yeah coach?"

McCarthy: "Aaron, who's your dad's brother's nephew?"

Rodgers: "That's easy coach. It's me."

McCarthy: "There you go Lovie. You have to have a smart QB."

So Lovie travelled back to Chicago and immediately went up to Jay Cutler.

Lovie: "Jay, who's your dad's brother's nephew?"

Jay thought for a minute and said, "Hang on a minute coach."

Cutler went up to Urlacher and asked, "Hey Brian, who's your dad's brother's nephew?"

Urlacher: "That's easy Jay. It's me."

Cutler goes back to Lovie and says, "Hey coach, I know the answer! It's Brian Urlacher!"

Lovie: "You idiot Jay! We're never going to win it all! It's Aaron Rodgers!"

That's funny. But with a lot of these jokes, you have to believe somewhere, some Bears fans are telling the same jokes but with the blanks filled in differently (and incorrectly, so the jokes don't make sense)

[vince]

A Chicago family of pro football supporters head out one Saturday to do their Christmas shopping. While in the sports store, the son picks up a Green Bay Packers #12 jersey and says to his older sister, "I've decided to become a Packer fan and I would like this for Christmas."

His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him on the head and says, "Go talk with mom."

Off goes the little lad with the Green Bay Packer jersey in hand and finds his mother. "Mom?"

"Yes, son?"

"I've decided I'm going to be a Packer fan, and I would like this Aaron Rodger's jersey for Christmas."

The mother is outraged, promptly whacks him on the head and says, "Go see your father."

Off he goes with the Green Bay Packer #12 jersey in hand and finds his father. "Dad?"

"Yes, son?"

"I've decided I'm going to be a Packer fan, and I would like this Rodger's jersey for Christmas".

The father is so outraged he, too, whacks his son on the head and says, "No son of mine is ever going to be seen in that!"

About half hour later they're all back in the car heading towards home. The father turns to the son and says, "Son, I hope you've learned something today."

The son says, "Yes, Dad, I have."

"Good, son. What is it?"

The son replies, "I've only been a Packer fan for an hour and I already hate you whiny-ass Bear fans."

[Pugger]

A man goes to the Chicago Bears ticket office and inquires about purchasing Super Bowl tickets. The ticket teller replies that there weren't any tickets for sale because the Bears did not make it to the Super Bowl.

The following day the same man goes to the Chicago Bears ticket office and inquires about purchasing Bears Super Bowl tickets. The ticket teller politely replies that there weren't any tickets for sale because the Bears did not make it to the Super Bowl.


This goes on for an entire week. The man again goes to the Bears ticket office inquiring about Super Bowl tickets and the teller says none are for sale because the Bears did not make it to the Super Bowl.


Another week of this goes by and the man still is asking the ticket teller about Bears Super Bowl tickets. Finally the ticket teller in a loud voice says, "I'VE TOLD YOU FOR THE LAST 2 WEEKS THERE WERE NOT ANY TICKETS AVAILABLE BECAUSE THE BEARS DID NOT MAKE IT TO THE SUPER BOWL!!!"


The man replied, "I know. I drive all the way from Green Bay just to hear you say that."

[Pugger]

A Packer fan and a Priest are driving down the road when the Packer fan sees a Bear Fan walking across the street. He takes off and drives straight at the Bear fan. At the last minute he remembers he has the Priest with him and swerves to miss the Bear fan. He says to the Priest OMG Father I'm so sorry did I miss him? The Priest says "yeah, but don't worry I got him with the door!"

[Pugger]

Cheesehead Prayer

Now I lay me down to bed

A wedge of cheese upon my head

Allegiance to the Packers I promise to keep

Now I lay me down I promise to keep

and cheer them on while I'm asleep.



If I should die, don't let me wonder,

Just bury me 'neath the frozen tundra.

But, Lord, before you take my soul,

Let me see the Pack in one more Super Bowl.

Forgive me Lord, for those I hated,

The Lions and Vikings, they're overrated.

The streets of heaven, so I've been told,

Are paved for us in green and gold.

If I get to heaven I'll have only one wish,

A big screen TV with a satellite dish!

I pray for this Lord, for only one reason,

to cheer on my Pack to a winning season.

I'll close this prayer by thanking you Lord,

for listening to me and the time you afford.

But one more thing....please remember the Bears,

Because that's a team that hasn't a prayer !!!

[Jimx29]

Sooooo someone wrote in urine "Duh Bears Suck" in the snow of Jay Cutlers front yard. Chicago police said they would take a sample and get back to him when they figured it out. The next day they came back and said we have good news and bad news.. Good news its Clay Mathews urine....... Bad news its his Mothers hand writing!!!

[Packers4Glory]

Sooooo someone wrote in urine "Duh Bears Suck" in the snow of Jay Cutlers front yard. Chicago police said they would take a sample and get back to him when they figured it out. The next day they came back and said we have good news and bad news.. Good news its Clay Mathews urine....... Bad news its his Mothers hand writing!!!

Clay's mom wrote w/ Clay's penis?

thats how it read lol

[Packers4Glory]

Sooooo someone wrote in urine "Duh Bears Suck" in the snow of Jay Cutlers front yard. Chicago police said they would take a sample and get back to him when they figured it out. The next day they came back and said we have good news and bad news.. Good news its Clay Mathews urine....... Bad news its his Mothers hand writing!!!

oh yeah a bears fan tried that joke w/ it being Rodgers house and Urlacher's urine but the punch line was it was Aaron's Rodgers wife's writing....which is a fail because Rodgers isn't married yet. he's still crushing any pussy he wants.

[bobblehead]

Just got this in an email and had to bump the thread:

LITTLE KEVIN WAS IN HIS 5TH GRADE CLASS WHEN THE TEACHER ASKED THE CHILDREN WHAT THEIR FATHERS DID FOR A LIVING. ALL THE TYPICAL ANSWERS CAME UP: FIREMAN, POLICEMAN, SALESMAN, ETC.

KEVIN WAS BEING QUIET, SO THE TEACHER ASKED HIM ABOUT HIS FATHER.


LITTLE KEVIN SAYS: "MY FATHER'S AN EXOTIC DANCER IN A GAY BAR AND TAKES OFF ALL HIS CLOTHES IN FRONT OF OTHER MEN.

SOMETIMES, IF THE OFFERS REALLY GOOD, HE'LL GO OUT TO THE ALLEY WITH SOME GUY AND MAKE LOVE WITH HIM FOR MONEY."

THE TEACHER, OBVIOUSLY SHAKEN BY THIS STATEMENT, HURRIEDLY SET THE OTHER CHILDREN TO WORK ON SOME COLORING AND TOOK LITTLE KEVIN ASIDE TO ASK HIM: "IS THAT REALLY TRUE ABOUT YOUR FATHER?"

KEVIN SAID: "NO, HE PLAYS FOOTBALL FOR THE CHICAGO BEARS, BUT I WAS TOO EMBARRASSED TO SAY THAT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER KIDS

[vince]

:-)

[mraynrand]

... he's still crushing any pussy he wants.

when you put it that way, it sounds so appealing - like a Nine Inch Nails 'song'