The Greatest Story Ever Told About Ray Edwards

[pbmax]

http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2011/12/06/jared-allen-explains-punching-a-friend-square-in-the-wiener/

Video here: http://deadspin.com/5865735/jared-allen-told-ray-edwards-im-going-to-punch-you-square-in-your-wiener-dude-before-punching-him-square-in-the-wiener


A video has been making the rounds lately that shows Jared Allen appearing to punch Falcons defensive end Ray Edwards in the crotch during a field goal attempt.

Allen was the Vikings long snapper that day after starter Cullen Loeffler got hurt. Florio had Allen on PFT Live Tuesday and got the explanation.

“Ray is obviously a former teammate and friend of mine. I told him before the snap that he’s known for blowing up the long snapper on the field goal,” Allen said.”

“So I told him: ‘You run me over here, I’m going to punch you square in your wiener, dude.’”

And so that’s exactly what Allen did. We’ll let Jared explain the rest below.

http://thevikingage.com/files/2011/11/jaredpunch.gif

[mraynrand]

Wow, he punched him right in the
http://www.celebritiesheight.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/Anthony-Weiner.jpg

[Cheesehead Craig]

Politician?

[RashanGary]

Hahahahahahahaha

They wear protection. It's not like the Suh stomp. Jared Allen is one of the funniest guys in football. I heard him on the radio a year or two back. He's really cool. That was all in fun. I know it's a punch in the wiener, but there was no way to really hurt him. Worst case, his cup leaves an impression around his package.

Funny. Definitely should be a part of football.

Josh Sitton is a little like Jared Allen. I've heard Sitton a few times. He's hilarious too. He has that competitive mean streak too, the kind they don't apologize for, but also the kind that doesn't cross the dirt ball line. Just good, pure football payers. Like when the 9 year old tackles his best friend, the next time down, that kid who got the worse end of it puts a little extra hot sauce on the hit. . . . That's just how football was meant to be played.

[Upnorth]

Beacuase of the team he is on I do not like Allen at all, however this is hilarious! That was a love tap not a kill shot to the baby makers.

[pbmax]

Hahahahahahahaha

They wear protection. It's not like the Suh stomp. Jared Allen is one of the funniest guys in football. I heard him on the radio a year or two back. He's really cool. That was all in fun. I know it's a punch in the wiener, but there was no way to really hurt him. Worst case, his cup leaves an impression around his package.

Funny. Definitely should be a part of football.

Josh Sitton is a little like Jared Allen. I've heard Sitton a few times. He's hilarious too. He has that competitive mean streak too, the kind they don't apologize for, but also the kind that doesn't cross the dirt ball line. Just good, pure football payers. Like when the 9 year old tackles his best friend, the next time down, that kid who got the worse end of it puts a little extra hot sauce on the hit. . . . That's just how football was meant to be played.

Most no longer wear protection. Many an uncomfortable moment watching slo-mo replays from ground level. Players feel like it slows them down.

[hoosier]

Most no longer wear protection. Many an uncomfortable moment watching slo-mo replays from ground level. Players feel like it slows them down.

And a sharp jab in the crotch doesn't?


That reminds me, yesterday my two year old walks up to greet my father in law, who had just come into the house. Grandpa was wearing blue jeans. The kid's "greeting" was a bite on grandpa's schlong. I am really dreading that phone call from preschool saying it's time to pick up junior cuz he's biting his classmates.

[George Cumby]

That's awesome. I have now grown to appreciate Jared Allen. In a white-trash-hillbilly-grabass kind of way.

[pbmax]

And a sharp jab in the crotch doesn't?


That reminds me, yesterday my two year old walks up to greet my father in law, who had just come into the house. Grandpa was wearing blue jeans. The kid's "greeting" was a bite on grandpa's schlong. I am really dreading that phone call from preschool saying it's time to pick up junior cuz he's biting his classmates.

Usually they just run into your groin at full speed (their head just tall enough) to give you a hug and think that "OOOoooffffff" is just part of the greeting :lol:

[mraynrand]

And a sharp jab in the crotch doesn't?


That reminds me, yesterday my two year old walks up to greet my father in law, who had just come into the house. Grandpa was wearing blue jeans. The kid's "greeting" was a bite on grandpa's schlong. I am really dreading that phone call from preschool saying it's time to pick up junior cuz he's biting his classmates.

There's been a lot of changes in the law. You'll be picking him up from the county lock-up. All that stuff falls under sexual harassment these days.

[Cheesehead Craig]

And a sharp jab in the crotch doesn't?


That reminds me, yesterday my two year old walks up to greet my father in law, who had just come into the house. Grandpa was wearing blue jeans. The kid's "greeting" was a bite on grandpa's schlong. I am really dreading that phone call from preschool saying it's time to pick up junior cuz he's biting his classmates.

Was his schlong hanging out of his jeans? How the hell did the kid bite it otherwise?

[Deputy Nutz]

It also happened during the play and not after. on the line it is all pretty much fair game, especially if you are a long snapper, Allen hit it right on the head.

[pbmax]

It also happened during the play and not after. on the line it is all pretty much fair game, especially if you are a long snapper, Allen hit it right on the head.

There are certain hits that are not allowed on the long snapper. Or is that just field goals?

[hoosier]

Was his schlong hanging out of his jeans? How the hell did the kid bite it otherwise?

Don't worry, gramps wasn't hanging out. The kid sank his teeth into the blue jeans. But it was not the blue jeans that suffered.

[mraynrand]

It also happened during the play and not after. on the line it is all pretty much fair game, especially if you are a long snapper, Allen hit it right on the head.

quite literally

[mraynrand]

Don't worry, gramps wasn't hanging out. The kid sank his teeth into the blue jeans. But it was not the blue jeans that suffered.

If that's on camera, you're almost guaranteed an appearance on "America's Funniest Home Accidents, Injuries and Decapitations"

[hoosier]

Unfortunately the video cam was not handy when it happened. And as is usually the case with such things, nobody (especially the victim) really paid much attention to what was going on until it was too late. The two year old and grandpa, their fifteen minutes of fame have come and gone in the blink of an eye.

[MJZiggy]

See, this is what I love coming home to after a hard day at the office. Priceless.

[Fritz]

Don't you feel just a little weird about your two year old biting Gramp's schlong? Let's see...there's a boy biting a man's schlong....and there's the incest thing....and that you talked about filming it all....

Holy smokes. We're getting into Brent Favre territory here.

[Guiness]

That's hilarious, and the way he handled it when asked was great. No Suh-like 'no, I didn't do that!'. He said yup, I did it, and dammit, he deserved it!

my obligatory wienie story: A while back, I was visiting a friend who's son was about 3-4. I just in the door and he come running over with a cape and mask, singing duna na na nah na na BATMAN and lands a right jab straight from the shoulder.

I drop.

[MJZiggy]

So there is one teenie tiny advantage to being female...

[hoosier]

A teeny weenie advantage.

Weird about Grandpa's schlong? Nah. Usually we go out of our way to make sure the grandparents don't have to do any of the undesirable stuff like changing diapers and wiping noses. But in this case, I have to admit that my first thought was, better him than me. Only then did I threaten to build a dog house in the back yard for the two year old.

By the way, Bert has nothing on southern Indiana when it comes to the culture of perversity.