Save my cat.

[Freak Out]

If any of you can tell me how to stop my cat Spike from:

Shitting on my wife's clothes.

Shitting in her suitcase.

...and as of this morning: pissing on the bed while I'm sleeping in it.

My solution is a bullet to it's cute little head. My wife says I need to take it back to the ladies down the alley that gave it to us....but eventually Spike is going to show back up on the porch when the weather warms, looking all sweet and cute wanting back in again.

Getting rid of my wife is not a valid answer.

I really like this cat...and I think it really loves me.....but apparently it hates my wife.

The clock is ticking.

[Deputy Nutz]

Shoot the fucker, or get your frustrations out by choking the life out of it. Killing one household pet over a life time doesn't make you a serial killer.

[Upnorth]

Assuming you haven't trained the cat to do this as a passive aggressive attack on your wife, I would get it a better litter box, spray bleach at the threshold of the rooms you don't want it in and the bases of the things you don't want it on. Get it a perch (something to sit up on high, not the fish). If still a boy, cut its nuts of and feed the crap out of it. If you ever see the cat in your wifes things or on your bed be aggresivley loud, like bat shit insane loud until the cat leaves. The second it does stop. If it goes near them again become rage again. Eventually they learn, just like recruits!

[Scott Campbell]

The solution is simple. Change the cats name from Spike to Najeh Davenport.

[SkinBasket]

Usually behavior like this is due to the cat being unhappy with some other aspect in the domicile. You can either try to figure out what that is, or retaliate. But if you're going to retaliate, make sure you have the balls for it, because the cat will escalate, and if you give in first, you'll be the pussy's bitch.

That being said, cats don't like a couple things.

A) Orange smell. Use some spray to spray the areas you don't want the cat.

B) squirt guns loaded with orange scented water which are used to spray the cat whenever it does something stupid.

C) some cats don't like those little guns that shoot foam discs. In fact, if you chase, corner, and unload on the cat a few times, just the sound of the shooter starting up will send the cat away. On the other hand some cats find them very enjoyable. Either way should work. Either your cat will fear you or it will be thankful for having such a nice owner.

Just remember that physical violence against cats does not work. I've tried it. A lot. All it does make things worse, even if it feels good. You need to tear them down mentally. Or shoot them.

[Little Whiskey]

you have an F-ing cat? what the hell is wrong with you?!

[GrnBay007]

you have an F-ing cat? what the hell is wrong with you?!

LOL!

dog person here!

[George Cumby]

If any of you can tell me how to stop my cat Spike from:

Shitting on my wife's clothes.

Shitting in her suitcase.

...and as of this morning: pissing on the bed while I'm sleeping in it.

My solution is a bullet to it's cute little head. My wife says I need to take it back to the ladies down the alley that gave it to us....but eventually Spike is going to show back up on the porch when the weather warms, looking all sweet and cute wanting back in again.

Getting rid of my wife is not a valid answer.

I really like this cat...and I think it really loves me.....but apparently it hates my wife.

The clock is ticking.

The cat pissed on you in your bed and you like it?

You care that it loves you?

Apparently.

[MadtownPacker]

He is a suck fuck isnt he?

[Joemailman]

1. Put him in the microwave on high for 5 minutes.
2. Death by firing squad.
3. Put him in prison with a fat black guy named Bubba
4. Throw him off the top of a skyscraper.
5. Put his head in a clamp and tighten it until it pops.
6. Beat him to death with a lead pipe.
7. Feed him some Tuna � la Glass.
8. Throw him into a hive of killer bees.
9. Put him in a vat of hydrochloric acid.
10. Make him eat nothing but his own feces until he dies.
11. Chop his head off with an axe.
12. Smash him with a sledge hammer.
13. Tie cinder blocks to his feet and throw him into a lake.
14. Throw him into the path of a fat crippled man's wheelchair.
15. Put a steaming hot turkey on his head.
16. Play basketball with him using him as the ball.
17. Put him on an inner tube in the middle of a lake with nothing to eat.
18. Put him in a box, freeze it, and send it to Japan.
19. Put him in a hamster ball and throw it into the washer.
20. Tie his limbs up so he forms a ball, then play kickball with him.
21. Put him in a meat slicer. (The kind from a deli)
22. Seal him in a tupperware container and send it to be recycled.
23. Bury him alive, so people in the future will have cat fossils.
24. Put his feet in wet cement, let it dry, and don't put any food near him.
25. Clamp a car battery to his tongue and turn it on.
26. Cook him in an easy bake oven.
27. Tie him to the front of a crash test car.
28. Death by lethal injection.
29. Shove his claws into a wall outlet.
30. Drown him in a toilet bowl.
31. Hang him by the neck until dead.
32. Tie him to a tree and use him for dart practice.
33. Cut him to bits with a chainsaw.
34. Fell a giant tree on top of him.
35. Shove him up your girlfriend's ass.
36. Throw him out of a skydiving plane with no parachute.
37. Roll over him with a steamroller.
38. Put him in a pit and stone him to death.
39. Shove a bottle rocket up his butt.
40. Tap his head with a hammer until it cracks.
41. Shoot him out of a cannon.
42. Perform off-road open heart surgery on him.
43. Tase him to death.
44. Lower him into a vat of boiling water.
45. Run over him with an 18-wheeler.
46. Throw him into a wood chipper.
47. Give him to a chinese restaurant.
48. Hang him from a tree and tell little kids he is a pi�ata.
49. Bury him up to his neck and run over him with a lawnmower.
50. Circumcise him with a rusty nail.
51. Throw him to the lions.
52. Put him in a cage with 5 rabid mongooses.
53. Smash a metal folding chair over his head.
54. Keelhaul him on your pirate ship.
55. Make him walk the plank.
56. Tie him to a wagon and roll it down a mountain.
57. Put him in an air-locked container and drop it into a lake.
58. Feed it C-4 and blow him up from the inside.
59. Pour acid on him bit by bit until he burns away.
60. Pour honey on him and put him in the woods for the bears.
61. Tie him to a lot of balloons and let him fly.
62. Give him so many laxatives that he craps out his organs.
63. Put draino in his water bowl.
64. Pour hot tar on him, so it dries and he is stuck to the ground and dies.
65. Pour boiling sweet and sour sauce on him.
66. Freeze him with liquid nitrogen, then bust off his head.
67. Stab him over and over until he dies.
68. Make him sumo wrestle with a fat guy.
69. Behead him with a guillotine.
70. Feed him to a horde of orcs.
71. Feed him to a giant squid.
72. Run him through with your pirate sword.
73. Raise him up the mast with the Jolly Roger.
74. Make him get scurvy, then pull his gums out.
75. Make him sit through a math class at my school. This is worse than death.
76. Tie his tail to a pole and play tetherball with him.
77. Cook him with a blow dryer.
78. Iron him into a flat kitty.
79. Give him tuna with arsenic in it.
80. Launch him into space and throw him out the airlock with no suit.
81. Launch him into the sun.
82. Coat him in alpo and put him in a kennel with 5 German Shepherds.
83. Get sandpaper, and buff his face off until his brains fall out.
84. Put him in a car, and blow the car up with a car bomb.
85. Light some weed in his ass and smoke him like a bong.
86. Shoot him with a BB gun for a few days.
87. Stuff him in your floppy drive and delete his insides.
88. Throw him off of the top of the Statue of Liberty.
89. Shove a shotgun up his ass and fire.
90. Make him drink nitroglycerin, then shake him up.
91. Make him sniff a marker until he goes braindead.
92. Fill him up with liquor, and make a walking Molotov Cocktail.
93. Put him in a pile of fire ants and tie him down so he can't get away.
94. Jump on his face with a pogo stick.
95. Cut open his side then dip him in a shark tank.
96. Crucify him.
97. Jam a red hot poker in his eye.
98. Skin him alive.
99. Get an old lady to beat him to death with a baseball bat.
100. Give him to the goatse guy.

[Freak Out]

The ladies took it back...thus sparing the cats life. I really liked #92...Joe....those were some great ideas. I think MTP came up with #85.

Hey Cumby....nothing wrong with a little piss play every now and again.

[Upnorth]

Joe, did you go off your med's again?

[George Cumby]

The ladies took it back...thus sparing the cats life. I really liked #92...Joe....those were some great ideas. I think MTP came up with #85.

Hey Cumby....nothing wrong with a little piss play every now and again.

I'm with you, but I prefer my partners to be, oh, you know, the same species.......

[Freak Out]

Prude.

[Upnorth]

Limited options in Alaska?

[Freak Out]

Yes. :)

[Joemailman]

Joe, did you go off your med's again?

Don't mess with me. I'm a postal worker.

[SnakeLH2006]

Stick it in her ass like Snake does repeatedly...I guarantee that pussy comes back begging for attention.

[Upnorth]

I doubt most men could fit in there. When you find the right woman you can probably buy an extension or something to help you fit Snake.

[SnakeLH2006]

I doubt most men could fit in there. When you find the right woman you can probably buy an extension or something to help you fit Snake.

Ummm...I don't know who you are newbie bitch, but haven't been on much the last few years, but trying to post a joke bout a cat. Too bad Snake's hot ass, leggy girl I've been with a while luvs my porn sex, long cock, in every hole..begging for it daily. Go explain ur lil dick and shit job to ur ugly fat trailer wife while trolling forums you loser. Nice try.