Question of the Day....

[GrnBay007]

Catchy title, eh? :)

So it seems like we have a great mix on this board of some who have adult children, some who have teens and some who have young children.

Did you guys ever get involved in your kid's relationship troubles? Or ever have a girlfriend/boyfriend's parents do so?

I offer my kids advise and I would interject if there was a serious issue like a dangerous situation or if drugs/alcohol were an issue.....but just normal teenage relationship drama??? No way!

My boy's girlfriend's mom is getting wayyy too involved IMO. They have an "issue" and he goes to their house and the mom starts dogging him! (and not in a joking way...freak!) I try to help him out on how to handle those situations in a respectful way but man I'd like to tell him how to tell her what she deserves! lol It's like she's teaching her daughter how to be a jealous biotch! When her daughter is with us I don't say, "so what are you whining about today?!" :)

Some people!!!! (can you tell we had another episode tonight? :) )

Is this normal behavior by an adult/parent?

[mraynrand]

You sound pretty reasonable. That makes you abnormal. Get involved, whydontcha?

http://keepcalmandloveon.files.wordpress.com/2011/08/helicopter-mom2.jpg

[3irty1]

There is a lesson here for the girlfriend as well. Dumping all your petty relationship problems on your mom isn't going to make her think that highly of your boyfriend since she's only hearing the bad stuff. You'd think she would want her mom to approve of a fella she's interested in dating. Might be too late to save her from becoming a biotch. But its important to discover shitty girls when you're young before you make the mistake of betting half your stuff you'll love one forever.

[GrnBay007]

There is a lesson here for the girlfriend as well. Dumping all your petty relationship problems on your mom isn't going to make her think that highly of your boyfriend since she's only hearing the bad stuff. You'd think she would want her mom to approve of a fella she's interested in dating. Might be too late to save her from becoming a biotch. But its important to discover shitty girls when you're young before you make the mistake of betting half your stuff you'll love one forever.

Her problem is she is spoiled...they are wealthy! She needs mom on her side! lol

Her mom has told me several times they really like my son. I don't know why she feels the need to be SO involved. He says she drills him with questions all the time. And we all KNOW how much guys HATE a lot of questions!! lol

In Jan. they will have been together a year. My son is tired of the latest round of BS and said he'd like to break it off. Told him he will probably never live it down if he breaks up this close to x-mas.....and the 1 yr. anniversary. No win situation.

It all started with his friendship with a set of twins. They are really good athletes and he likes to go watch their basketball games. The gf is jealous and won't go with him and tells him he is choosing them over her .....because he wants to go to a damn game! lol So last night he's at their house and the mom is asking him about x-mas, what we do, what he wants, etc. and she says, "bet you have a set of twins on your list, don't you?" ....knowing they have been arguing over this. Freak! So he says, well, I gotta go and gets up and leaves. I told him he should have smiled at her and said, yeah, that would be nice!

So why is this bugging me? If you take the mom out of the situation this is just your average teen drama....no big deal. It works itself out or they move on. This woman is pissing me off. One time over the summer when she wanted him to go to work for a wealthy friend of hers that owned a business, she actually had the nerve to tell him that he better never hurt her daughter or he could really make his life rough!!!! Freak!!! Of course I never let him work there! F that. OMGosh how can people be so weird??!! The kids are 16 and 17....does she really THINK they are going to spend their lives together???!!! Mellow out woman!

[wootah]

Athletic twins... Boy, I hope Bretsky doesn't find this thread or things could get ugly.

I'm going to generalize completely and loose all nuance for a moment, so keep that in mind. But it's clear that during my marginal and laughable coaching career, the stupid wealthy moms were the worst to deal with. Stupid is an important part of the definition, since this means that usually she became wealthy to no merit of her own. They are used to get what they want, whether it's a pink Porsche Cayenne or more playing time of their own little Wunderkind. When something happens which they do not like, Bedlam ensues. Seriously, they cannot handle that because they always get what they want. What's worst is that even for things regarding their children, their concern stems from their own selfishness.

The GF is probably a bit insecure about the twins and informs the mother. The mother freaks out and doesn't want her daughter to get dumped, not for the daughter's sake, but mainly since this will not go over well with her friends at the Rotary Club. How embarrassing! It's the mother's task to protect the illusion of radiating happiness that you can find in those smiles on their Christmas cards.

Hence the mindgames with the boy.

31 makes a valid remark, though. Things were easier before. Just doing The Door Test would suffice to discover what kind of girl you were dealing with...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-lNNUl9jrzw

[Patler]

In Jan. they will have been together a year. My son is tired of the latest round of BS and said he'd like to break it off. Told him he will probably never live it down if he breaks up this close to x-mas.....and the 1 yr. anniversary. No win situation.

Then he should break it off, now, in the most unemotional way that he can. If he feels so strongly that he is willing to tell his Mom that he wants to break it off, the relationship is over in his view.

Time to move on. The fact it is December and close to Christmas means little. The fact that it is close to their one year "anniversary" is utterly meaningless. For whom does a teenager have to live down a breakup? Only himself/herself.

[3irty1]

Her problem is she is spoiled...they are wealthy! She needs mom on her side! lol

Her mom has told me several times they really like my son. I don't know why she feels the need to be SO involved. He says she drills him with questions all the time. And we all KNOW how much guys HATE a lot of questions!! lol

In Jan. they will have been together a year. My son is tired of the latest round of BS and said he'd like to break it off. Told him he will probably never live it down if he breaks up this close to x-mas.....and the 1 yr. anniversary. No win situation.

It all started with his friendship with a set of twins. They are really good athletes and he likes to go watch their basketball games. The gf is jealous and won't go with him and tells him he is choosing them over her .....because he wants to go to a damn game! lol So last night he's at their house and the mom is asking him about x-mas, what we do, what he wants, etc. and she says, "bet you have a set of twins on your list, don't you?" ....knowing they have been arguing over this. Freak! So he says, well, I gotta go and gets up and leaves. I told him he should have smiled at her and said, yeah, that would be nice!

So why is this bugging me? If you take the mom out of the situation this is just your average teen drama....no big deal. It works itself out or they move on. This woman is pissing me off. One time over the summer when she wanted him to go to work for a wealthy friend of hers that owned a business, she actually had the nerve to tell him that he better never hurt her daughter or he could really make his life rough!!!! Freak!!! Of course I never let him work there! F that. OMGosh how can people be so weird??!! The kids are 16 and 17....does she really THINK they are going to spend their lives together???!!! Mellow out woman!

Ha! great advice! Get one more Christmas and anniversary gift from the rich brat before throwing her away like a parking ticket!

If your son is emotionally checked out then its a no lose scenario really as he doesn't have anything to lose. Girls are typically very competitive with each other so I'm not surprised that a pair of athletic twins is driving her crazy. When I was about that age I did something similar. I had a girlfriend who was out of my league, but had an equally out of my league friend as well. The thinking was that I'd be able to regulate the girlfriend's behavior by leveraging the competition between the two girls. At that age jealousy is the standard litmus test for love. Anyways I eventually realized that wasn't a nice thing to do to people you're supposed to care about and there was more success to be had in the world of women for those who don't use a lady's feelings for him to make her feel shitty. Intentionally inducing jealousy and guilt in others is really just a mild form of abuse.

[red]

sounds like we only have one overprotective parent on the board with kid issues everyday :)

just playing dub-o

[MadtownPacker]

Bretsky needs to talk to your boy. He will set him on a proper path. He obviously is digging one of the twins or both. Healthy teenager IMO.

But Patler is right, cut that bitch loose. Just give him this advice that has way worked well....

Don't chase em, replace em!!

http://www.mixunit.com/cms/uploads/products/CLOT02603_2-1_324.jpg

[GrnBay007]

Athletic twins... Boy, I hope Bretsky doesn't find this thread or things could get ugly.



LOL so true wootah!! :)


You are spot on though! My gosh I can't even imagine what you go through as a coach with those people.

Coaches need to stay strong though. I've (we've) been on the reverse of some of those situations where the better of the two players got limited playing time so the $ elite could play. The most blatant example was at a little league baseball championship game (initial games of the LL world series). Coaches made it clear at the beginning of the all stars games that practice was everyday and those that missed won't play or will have limited playing time. In the final game they played my kid was up to bad first. First pitch of the game hits a homerun and it was his first ever on the larger field. By 3rd inning I see a dad, whose kid missed lots of bb practice for theater, over there chewing the coaches ass about them driving all this way (5-6 hr drive) and his kid hardly getting to play. Next inning my son is pulled and the little cry baby was in. And I'm not making that part up....the boy was literally sitting in the dug out crying till daddy came to his rescue. And to make matters worse the kid was a huge jerk....not a team player at all! Lost ALL respect for the coach that day!

[GrnBay007]

Then he should break it off, now, in the most unemotional way that he can. If he feels so strongly that he is willing to tell his Mom that he wants to break it off, the relationship is over in his view.

Time to move on. The fact it is December and close to Christmas means little. The fact that it is close to their one year "anniversary" is utterly meaningless. For whom does a teenager have to live down a breakup? Only himself/herself.

Yep, one of my main goals with my kids has been to keep those lines of communication OPEN! I am so happy and feel blessed they feel they can talk to me about stuff. Of all the weird stuff ads and the gov put out there that whole thing about the "family table" ...or whatever it was called is true! As busy as our schedules would get I've always made sure we sat down to eat dinner together the majority of the evenings....even if it had to be at 8pm (or later a few times! lol) Those conversations we've had at that time are priceless!!

.....and as far as my comment on "living it down"...oh boy. Yeah, this girl has her little posse in place and every time he's done something to make her mad they are jumping all over him. She keeps nothing between the two of them. It will be rough but I'm sure that won't have anything to do with the decision he makes as he's pretty secure with himself. Teenage drama! LOL when people ask what age in your life you would like to relive that would be my least favorite! My daughter is in her first year of college and recently told me, mom, you were right none of that highschool stuff matters now. The light came on! :)

[GrnBay007]

sounds like we only have one overprotective parent on the board with kid issues everyday :)

just playing dub-o

LOL I know it looks that way. But honestly I never would have started this conversation if the MOM wouldn't be harassing him. If it's just between them that's fine and I'm totally not involved. When she enters the picture the way she does that is not a level playing field. If they don't break up and MOM continues I will be making a call. :) The constant, constant digs about not hurting her and dong this and that are uncalled for. Eventually the girl is going to have to learn that all this is a part of life and getting hurt happens....it's life!!

[red]

LOL I know it looks that way. But honestly I never would have started this conversation if the MOM wouldn't be harassing him. If it's just between them that's fine and I'm totally not involved. When she enters the picture the way she does that is not a level playing field. If they don't break up and MOM continues I will be making a call. :) The constant, constant digs about not hurting her and dong this and that are uncalled for. Eventually the girl is going to have to learn that all this is a part of life and getting hurt happens....it's life!!

just make sure your kid knows that the GF is probably gonna turn into just as big of a bitch as the mother