LegandofthePack15
12-30-2012, 08:13 AM
Here's your 2012 All-NFC North team, according to Tank Elf Duke (Norman Chad wannabe).
All-NFC North Offense
QB: Aaron Rodgers
Comment: Rodgers is holding the ball longer than ever...If I could hold back my load longer than Rodgers holds the ball, I would be as great as the great John Holmes...Full-time QB and part-time rapper, Jay-C, has had a down year...Surprisingly Jay-C has thrown only 14 picks with an OL composing of Klemm and Whitticker and their clones...Stafford is morphing into a gunslinger before our very eyes; gunslingers are very exciting...Christian Ponder is Brooks Bollinger with a little more speed.
RB: Adrian "Fumble In the Clutch" Peterson
Comment: 'Fumble In the Clutch' has not fumbled in the clutch this season...Instead, defensive players are fumbling off him...Would be NFL MVP if not for Matt "Ice" Ryan...DuJuan Harris is a Barry Sanders clone...All he needs is an opportunity.
WRS: Calvin Johnson, Brandon Marshall, Randy Cobb
Comment: Because of Megatron, lots of folks are becoming Calvinists as well as antagonists...Marshall once ate the Packers alive with...gasp...Chad Henne throwing him the ball...Why is Cobb averaging only 12 yards a pop?
TE: Jermichael Finley
Comment: 120 REC, 1897 YRDS, 22 TDS...That's J-Mike's numbers in another universe...one in which he plays for New England or New Orleans or even the New York Jets...Bottom line?...The Packers are not utilizing J-Mike to the max.
OL: LT Matt Kalil, LG Rob Sims, C John Sullivan, RG Josh Sitton, RT Gosder Cherilus
Comment: Fat guys are hard to name and even harder to care about...Therefore, I am just gonna plagiarize Kavin Seifert's picks.
All NFC-North Defense
CBS: Tim Jennings, Tramon Williams, Casey Hayward
Comment: Charles Woodson was having a DMVP-ish season before he broke that unhealable collarbone...Charles Tillman continues poking out fumbles by the dozens...But the two are too old...Hugh Hefner likes his women young, and I-a shut down corner who shut down Darren Charles- like my corners young.
Safeties: Charles Woodson, Harrison Smith
Comment: Watching the 2012 draft, I thought Smith was gangsta...With the facts in hindsight, Teddy should've draft Smith instead of Perry.
LBS: Clay Matthews, Lance Briggs, Chad Greenway, Brian Urlacher
Comment: Urlacher had a pick-6 against the Titans, proving that he is still not completely washed up.
DLMen: Julius Pepper, Jared Allan
Comment: To quote the late, great Michael Jackson, "Heal the world...Make it a better place...For you and for me."
All NFC North Special Teams
K: Blair Walsh
Comment: Rookie sensation, indeed...Mason Crosby is a disgrace to soccer players the world over.
P: Tim Masthay
Comment: No comment.
KR: Percy Harvin
Comment: No comment.
PR: Randell Cobb
Comment: No comment.
LS: Brett Goode
Comment: Who cares?
All-NFC North Offense
QB: Aaron Rodgers
Comment: Rodgers is holding the ball longer than ever...If I could hold back my load longer than Rodgers holds the ball, I would be as great as the great John Holmes...Full-time QB and part-time rapper, Jay-C, has had a down year...Surprisingly Jay-C has thrown only 14 picks with an OL composing of Klemm and Whitticker and their clones...Stafford is morphing into a gunslinger before our very eyes; gunslingers are very exciting...Christian Ponder is Brooks Bollinger with a little more speed.
RB: Adrian "Fumble In the Clutch" Peterson
Comment: 'Fumble In the Clutch' has not fumbled in the clutch this season...Instead, defensive players are fumbling off him...Would be NFL MVP if not for Matt "Ice" Ryan...DuJuan Harris is a Barry Sanders clone...All he needs is an opportunity.
WRS: Calvin Johnson, Brandon Marshall, Randy Cobb
Comment: Because of Megatron, lots of folks are becoming Calvinists as well as antagonists...Marshall once ate the Packers alive with...gasp...Chad Henne throwing him the ball...Why is Cobb averaging only 12 yards a pop?
TE: Jermichael Finley
Comment: 120 REC, 1897 YRDS, 22 TDS...That's J-Mike's numbers in another universe...one in which he plays for New England or New Orleans or even the New York Jets...Bottom line?...The Packers are not utilizing J-Mike to the max.
OL: LT Matt Kalil, LG Rob Sims, C John Sullivan, RG Josh Sitton, RT Gosder Cherilus
Comment: Fat guys are hard to name and even harder to care about...Therefore, I am just gonna plagiarize Kavin Seifert's picks.
All NFC-North Defense
CBS: Tim Jennings, Tramon Williams, Casey Hayward
Comment: Charles Woodson was having a DMVP-ish season before he broke that unhealable collarbone...Charles Tillman continues poking out fumbles by the dozens...But the two are too old...Hugh Hefner likes his women young, and I-a shut down corner who shut down Darren Charles- like my corners young.
Safeties: Charles Woodson, Harrison Smith
Comment: Watching the 2012 draft, I thought Smith was gangsta...With the facts in hindsight, Teddy should've draft Smith instead of Perry.
LBS: Clay Matthews, Lance Briggs, Chad Greenway, Brian Urlacher
Comment: Urlacher had a pick-6 against the Titans, proving that he is still not completely washed up.
DLMen: Julius Pepper, Jared Allan
Comment: To quote the late, great Michael Jackson, "Heal the world...Make it a better place...For you and for me."
All NFC North Special Teams
K: Blair Walsh
Comment: Rookie sensation, indeed...Mason Crosby is a disgrace to soccer players the world over.
P: Tim Masthay
Comment: No comment.
KR: Percy Harvin
Comment: No comment.
PR: Randell Cobb
Comment: No comment.
LS: Brett Goode
Comment: Who cares?