Bretsky
08-23-2006, 11:27 PM
Cundiff no match for infamy of Sander
Posted: Aug. 23, 2006
NFL Grapevine
Mike Hart
E-MAIL
Vincent Thomas Lombardi used to stand before his charges, armed with the hogbladder, and say, "Gentlemen, this is a football."
That bit of oratory was probably on Walter Camp's mind when he thought the game up over an Old Milwaukee or two.
Camp, of course, is credited with putting the foot in football.
Over the years, the Green Bay Packers have had some fellows who were pretty darn good at putting their foot to the football. Guys like Fred Cone, Paul Hornung, Don Chandler, Chester Marcol, Chris Jacke and Ryan Longwell.
The record will show that the Packers did not even have one field goal in 1930, 1931, 1932 and 1944.
Brett Favre of the Packers was suited with satire in a "news story" published by "The Onion."
Now when Longwell packed up his whine and cheeseheads and joined the Love Boat crew in Minnesota, the Packers could have been in for some similar lean years.
This was due to the curious hiring of Billy Cundiff, who has seemed to have trouble kicking the ball through the uprights. He might want to think about his chosen profession.
Opportunity knocked for Cundiff to join the ranks of some of the worst kickers in the storied franchise's history.
We're talkin' Tom Birney here.
We're talkin' Curtis Burrow here.
Let's trot out Booth Lusteg, too.
Unfortunately, fans of the Packers will not have Billy Cundiff to kick around anymore.
Billy won't be a hero or a zero in these parts.
Ted Thompson woke up one morning last week and decided to send Billy packing. This was probably similar to the apple hitting Isaac Newton in the melon.
"This gives Billy a chance to find another job," said agent Paul Sheehy, who represents the addition to the unemployment line. This Sheehy fellow undoubtedly will have his work cut out for him.
Thus Cundiff will not live on in infamy like one B.J. Sander does.
It is quite possible that B.J. Thomas could punt a football better than B.J. Sander. And it didn't take too long for the Mike McCarthy regime to figure that out, either.
Thanks to the inept draft stylings of Mike Sherman, Sander's place in Packer lore ranks right up there with Steve Broussard, Joe Prokop and Ray Stachowitz. Those Four Stooges made Don Bracken look a lot like Ray Guy.
So the Packers move on with relative novices booting the spheroid.
This Dave Rayner lad from Michigan State managed to boot six kickoffs in the end zone against the Atlanta JV. Kicking the ball into the end zone was always a foreign concept to Longwell.
"I think I kicked well," said Rayner, who took the pre-season lead in understatements.
Jon Ryan will try to fill Sander's cleats at punter and holder. This should not be too tall of a task.
Ryan, however, appears to have trouble at times fielding the ball. So he has potential to be another Rickie Weeks.
Nonetheless, Rayner and Ryan are now the flavors of the week. As they say on the Food Network, sometimes they go stale.
Those two could be another Max Zendejas and Paul McJulien waiting to happen.
If that's the case, they'll be trying to kick bad habits instead of footballs.
Raw Onion
There are no sacred cows when it comes to "The Onion," which has all the fake news fit to print.
Green Bay Packers fans were the target of the recent story "Brett Favre Fitted For New Suit Before Sold-Out Lambeau Field Crowd."
Here's a slice of the Onion story:
"Although his critics and fans alike generally agree that NFL veteran Brett Favre is well past his prime, his ability to captivate an audience was demonstrated yet again Tuesday night when a raucous, over-capacity Lambeau Field crowd of 73,127 paid to see the Super Bowl-winning three-time MVP fitted for a new suit. . . .
"The $65 tickets sold out within six hours of the fitting's announcement on July 26, despite the fact that no football would be played, Favre would not be miked for the event, and the tailors in question would be traveling into town from Chicago, home of the hated arch-rival Bears."
There was even an interesting "quote" in the story.
Here it is:
"Favre should do himself a favor and hang it up right now," said Milwaukee Journal Sentinel sportswriter Cliff Christl, who watched from the packed Lambeau Field press box along with reporters from 48 different news organizations. "You can talk inseam, sleeve length, taper and cuffs all day, but this is a game of inches, and I just wasn't impressed with what I saw out there. There's a certain standard that Green Bay fans expect, and that suit just doesn't measure up, not to the suits Favre wore in his Super Bowl seasons, not even to Bart Starr's old suits."
Upon further review
The No Fun League has decided not to take any disciplinary action against Tennessee Titans mascot T-Rac. So the mascot's socks must have been the right height.
T-Rac caused quite a stir when he drove his golf cart into New Orleans Saints quarterback Adrian McPherson while the player was fielding punts during warm-ups after halftime of a recent exhibition game in Nashville.
The reserve QB has not been able to practice since the accident because of a bruised right knee.
T-Rac got off scot free without having to hire F. Lee Bailey or Gloria Aldred to defend him.
That would not have been the case if T-Rac would have rammed into Saints receiver Joe Horn. There would have been a whole lot of litigation going on.
"If that had been me, I'd still be lying there," Horn said. "I would have owned a percentage of that team."
Roll the dice
Marcus Vick is still on the Miami roster and he hasn't even made one trip to the Crossbar Hotel while he's been a member of the Dolphins.
The rookie quarterback from Virginia Tech has had several brushes with the law and some people think there are going to be more on the horizon.
BetUS.com recently posted odds on what trouble lies ahead for the young man who likes to fight the law even though the law wins.
Here are some of the odds:
• Gets fined / suspended / released for stomping opponent: 6-4
• Starts a fight in his first appearance: 6-1
• Gets booted for brandishing gun at Dolphins facilities: 8-1
• Becomes an odds consultant for BetUS.com: 10-1
OK. Place your bets.
VineLines
Gregg Easterbrook for ESPN.com: "Eric Mangini has adopted Green and Growing as the Jets' motto. Yes, Weeb Ewbank once used this phrase. So did the Milwaukee Bucks of the late 1970s. Bucks' forward Marques Johnson memorably countered, 'It makes us sound like some species of mold.' " . . .
Mike Penner of the Los Angeles Times: "Brett Favre raised eyebrows during training camp when he proclaimed the current Green Bay Packers 'the most talented team that I've been a part of as whole.' Then he said this after they lost their exhibition opener to San Diego, 17-3: 'We've got a long way to go. We weren't very good.' That's the problem with NFL training camp. Sooner or later, they're going to make you play a game." . . .
Pete McEntegart for Sportsillustrated.cnn.com: "A postcard threatening Maurice Clarett was recently sent to his lawyers. Curiously, the postcard reportedly came from Los Angeles, which has no NFL team. Sort of like Clarett." . . .
Mike Bianchi of the Orlando Sentinel: "Three crucial questions facing fantasy-football owners this fall: 1. Who's the No. 1 pick - Larry Johnson or Shaun Alexander? 2. How high do you draft Reggie Bush? 3. Why don't we have lives?" . . .
Tony Kornheiser after his "Monday Night Football" debut was criticized in the Washington Post: "I apparently got ripped in my own newspaper, by a two-bit weasel slug named Paul Farhi, who I would gladly run over with a Mack truck, given the opportunity." . . .
Randy Hill for Foxsports.com: "ESPN's MNF debut included an on-screen graphic scoreboard that - according to critics - blocked a bit too much of the action. With rookie analyst Tony Kornheiser in the booth, the controversial graphic has the potential to launch a spin-off called Pardon the Obstruction. ESPN now is soliciting ideas for a technology that blocks out the voice of Joe Theismann." . . .
Jim Armstrong of the Denver Post: "What, you think it's tough suffering through all these meaningless NFL exhibition games? Check out what your parents had to endure. The Broncos in 1976 played seven - count 'em, seven - exhibition games. Not only that, those fans of yesteryear had to walk uphill through 3 feet of snow to get to the games." . . .
Michael Ventre for MSNBC.com: "Following in Jerry Rice's footsteps, Emmitt Smith will be one of the celebrity contestants on ABC's 'Dancing With The Stars.' Knowing Emmitt, he'll probably keep dancing even when they tell him to leave, and then he'll try to get a gig dancing on another show."
Posted: Aug. 23, 2006
NFL Grapevine
Mike Hart
Vincent Thomas Lombardi used to stand before his charges, armed with the hogbladder, and say, "Gentlemen, this is a football."
That bit of oratory was probably on Walter Camp's mind when he thought the game up over an Old Milwaukee or two.
Camp, of course, is credited with putting the foot in football.
Over the years, the Green Bay Packers have had some fellows who were pretty darn good at putting their foot to the football. Guys like Fred Cone, Paul Hornung, Don Chandler, Chester Marcol, Chris Jacke and Ryan Longwell.
The record will show that the Packers did not even have one field goal in 1930, 1931, 1932 and 1944.
Brett Favre of the Packers was suited with satire in a "news story" published by "The Onion."
Now when Longwell packed up his whine and cheeseheads and joined the Love Boat crew in Minnesota, the Packers could have been in for some similar lean years.
This was due to the curious hiring of Billy Cundiff, who has seemed to have trouble kicking the ball through the uprights. He might want to think about his chosen profession.
Opportunity knocked for Cundiff to join the ranks of some of the worst kickers in the storied franchise's history.
We're talkin' Tom Birney here.
We're talkin' Curtis Burrow here.
Let's trot out Booth Lusteg, too.
Unfortunately, fans of the Packers will not have Billy Cundiff to kick around anymore.
Billy won't be a hero or a zero in these parts.
Ted Thompson woke up one morning last week and decided to send Billy packing. This was probably similar to the apple hitting Isaac Newton in the melon.
"This gives Billy a chance to find another job," said agent Paul Sheehy, who represents the addition to the unemployment line. This Sheehy fellow undoubtedly will have his work cut out for him.
Thus Cundiff will not live on in infamy like one B.J. Sander does.
It is quite possible that B.J. Thomas could punt a football better than B.J. Sander. And it didn't take too long for the Mike McCarthy regime to figure that out, either.
Thanks to the inept draft stylings of Mike Sherman, Sander's place in Packer lore ranks right up there with Steve Broussard, Joe Prokop and Ray Stachowitz. Those Four Stooges made Don Bracken look a lot like Ray Guy.
So the Packers move on with relative novices booting the spheroid.
This Dave Rayner lad from Michigan State managed to boot six kickoffs in the end zone against the Atlanta JV. Kicking the ball into the end zone was always a foreign concept to Longwell.
"I think I kicked well," said Rayner, who took the pre-season lead in understatements.
Jon Ryan will try to fill Sander's cleats at punter and holder. This should not be too tall of a task.
Ryan, however, appears to have trouble at times fielding the ball. So he has potential to be another Rickie Weeks.
Nonetheless, Rayner and Ryan are now the flavors of the week. As they say on the Food Network, sometimes they go stale.
Those two could be another Max Zendejas and Paul McJulien waiting to happen.
If that's the case, they'll be trying to kick bad habits instead of footballs.
Raw Onion
There are no sacred cows when it comes to "The Onion," which has all the fake news fit to print.
Green Bay Packers fans were the target of the recent story "Brett Favre Fitted For New Suit Before Sold-Out Lambeau Field Crowd."
Here's a slice of the Onion story:
"Although his critics and fans alike generally agree that NFL veteran Brett Favre is well past his prime, his ability to captivate an audience was demonstrated yet again Tuesday night when a raucous, over-capacity Lambeau Field crowd of 73,127 paid to see the Super Bowl-winning three-time MVP fitted for a new suit. . . .
"The $65 tickets sold out within six hours of the fitting's announcement on July 26, despite the fact that no football would be played, Favre would not be miked for the event, and the tailors in question would be traveling into town from Chicago, home of the hated arch-rival Bears."
There was even an interesting "quote" in the story.
Here it is:
"Favre should do himself a favor and hang it up right now," said Milwaukee Journal Sentinel sportswriter Cliff Christl, who watched from the packed Lambeau Field press box along with reporters from 48 different news organizations. "You can talk inseam, sleeve length, taper and cuffs all day, but this is a game of inches, and I just wasn't impressed with what I saw out there. There's a certain standard that Green Bay fans expect, and that suit just doesn't measure up, not to the suits Favre wore in his Super Bowl seasons, not even to Bart Starr's old suits."
Upon further review
The No Fun League has decided not to take any disciplinary action against Tennessee Titans mascot T-Rac. So the mascot's socks must have been the right height.
T-Rac caused quite a stir when he drove his golf cart into New Orleans Saints quarterback Adrian McPherson while the player was fielding punts during warm-ups after halftime of a recent exhibition game in Nashville.
The reserve QB has not been able to practice since the accident because of a bruised right knee.
T-Rac got off scot free without having to hire F. Lee Bailey or Gloria Aldred to defend him.
That would not have been the case if T-Rac would have rammed into Saints receiver Joe Horn. There would have been a whole lot of litigation going on.
"If that had been me, I'd still be lying there," Horn said. "I would have owned a percentage of that team."
Roll the dice
Marcus Vick is still on the Miami roster and he hasn't even made one trip to the Crossbar Hotel while he's been a member of the Dolphins.
The rookie quarterback from Virginia Tech has had several brushes with the law and some people think there are going to be more on the horizon.
BetUS.com recently posted odds on what trouble lies ahead for the young man who likes to fight the law even though the law wins.
Here are some of the odds:
• Gets fined / suspended / released for stomping opponent: 6-4
• Starts a fight in his first appearance: 6-1
• Gets booted for brandishing gun at Dolphins facilities: 8-1
• Becomes an odds consultant for BetUS.com: 10-1
OK. Place your bets.
VineLines
Gregg Easterbrook for ESPN.com: "Eric Mangini has adopted Green and Growing as the Jets' motto. Yes, Weeb Ewbank once used this phrase. So did the Milwaukee Bucks of the late 1970s. Bucks' forward Marques Johnson memorably countered, 'It makes us sound like some species of mold.' " . . .
Mike Penner of the Los Angeles Times: "Brett Favre raised eyebrows during training camp when he proclaimed the current Green Bay Packers 'the most talented team that I've been a part of as whole.' Then he said this after they lost their exhibition opener to San Diego, 17-3: 'We've got a long way to go. We weren't very good.' That's the problem with NFL training camp. Sooner or later, they're going to make you play a game." . . .
Pete McEntegart for Sportsillustrated.cnn.com: "A postcard threatening Maurice Clarett was recently sent to his lawyers. Curiously, the postcard reportedly came from Los Angeles, which has no NFL team. Sort of like Clarett." . . .
Mike Bianchi of the Orlando Sentinel: "Three crucial questions facing fantasy-football owners this fall: 1. Who's the No. 1 pick - Larry Johnson or Shaun Alexander? 2. How high do you draft Reggie Bush? 3. Why don't we have lives?" . . .
Tony Kornheiser after his "Monday Night Football" debut was criticized in the Washington Post: "I apparently got ripped in my own newspaper, by a two-bit weasel slug named Paul Farhi, who I would gladly run over with a Mack truck, given the opportunity." . . .
Randy Hill for Foxsports.com: "ESPN's MNF debut included an on-screen graphic scoreboard that - according to critics - blocked a bit too much of the action. With rookie analyst Tony Kornheiser in the booth, the controversial graphic has the potential to launch a spin-off called Pardon the Obstruction. ESPN now is soliciting ideas for a technology that blocks out the voice of Joe Theismann." . . .
Jim Armstrong of the Denver Post: "What, you think it's tough suffering through all these meaningless NFL exhibition games? Check out what your parents had to endure. The Broncos in 1976 played seven - count 'em, seven - exhibition games. Not only that, those fans of yesteryear had to walk uphill through 3 feet of snow to get to the games." . . .
Michael Ventre for MSNBC.com: "Following in Jerry Rice's footsteps, Emmitt Smith will be one of the celebrity contestants on ABC's 'Dancing With The Stars.' Knowing Emmitt, he'll probably keep dancing even when they tell him to leave, and then he'll try to get a gig dancing on another show."