Why your team sucks 2013: Green Bay Packers

[denverYooper]

I didn't know wist wrote for deadspin.

http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2013-green-bay-packers-1148710183?utm_campaign=socialflow_deadspin_twitte r&utm_source=deadspin_twitter&utm_medium=socialflow

[Freak Out]

"Also, have you ever seen a picture of Packers president Mark Murphy? He’s uglier than a brawl at a children’s hospital."

[run pMc]

Fire Campen! Fire Slocum! Fire Rock Gullickson! (oh, nevermind.)

Lookout -- the sky is falling!

Edit: having gone back to actually, you know, read the story, I realize it was by Drew Magary (from KSK)...so it was going to be vulgar satire. Also, IIRC he's a Vikings fan.

[mraynrand]

What a great article. I guess with the internet, anyone is 'publishable' Needed some more expletives, tho. Stay classy, San Diego!

[VegasPackFan]

Reading some of the letters below the article - they're pretty funny. This:

"Walk into any Packer fan's home and you’ll see a framed share displayed prominently alongside deer heads and Shopko portraits of FAS-stricken children. This share is probably the most expensive thing the fan has ever purchased ($275), yet is still utterly worthless. In a fire it would get rescued before a baby or pet."

[pbmax]

What a great article. I guess with the internet, anyone is 'publishable' Needed some more expletives, tho. Stay classy, San Diego!

On the other hand, this is usually solid fantasy advice:

Your one fantasy player everyone will hate: Jermichael Finley. Always. He treats every oncoming football like a naked leper.

[wist43]

On the other hand, this is usually solid fantasy advice:

Your one fantasy player everyone will hate: Jermichael Finley. Always. He treats every oncoming football like a naked leper.

Well, if Nelson is perpetually hobbled, Jennings is gone - Finley might actually produce.

If I miss out on Graham early, I'm actually looking for Finley in the later rounds. Have Graham as a keeper in two leagues though.

[pbmax]

After reading the letter from "Packer" fans (one of whom is a Bear fan and another who has to be DaBaddestBear), I think we should consider this board a beacon of level-headed analysis.

[Bossman641]

You guys need to read the Bears edition. I felt that one was much better done.

http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2013-chicago-bears-1121358012

[HarveyWallbangers]

I found this hilarious. The guy is a Vikings fan, and he lays into the Vikings even worse. It's must read stuff.

[swede]

I found this hilarious. The guy is a Vikings fan, and he lays into the Vikings even worse. It's must read stuff.

Reading all of them gives you some perspective and it all becomes funnier. It's like the VP in Liar, Liar telling Jim Carrey, "Do me! Do me!"

[VegasPackFan]

This one on the Browns made me spit my Coffee out:

"The Browns suck on an impressive scale, and yet in between having heart attacks and being depressed, people here never shut the fuck up about them. Tune into any of the multitude of awful sports talk radio shows and you’re likely to hear Bernie Kosar slurring through his recollection of losing to the Broncos, followed by confusion, muffled crying, and awkward silence. I used to think Bernie was just a sad drunk, but my current running theory is that he unwittingly developed a rare form of Bell’s Palsy after telling the same story for 26 years ad nauseam."

[packer4life]

Read the Bears and the Packers links. I gotta say, they burned us pretty damn good...

[packer4life]

From the Vikings article:

"Why your team sucks: Take it from me: Out of all the fanbases in this division, we are the worst. By far. It’s not even close. Lions fans are loyal. Packers fans are insane. Bears fans are fun. And we suck. We are the Atlanta of upper Midwest sports fan groups. The second the Vikings dip even a hair below .500, they have trouble selling tickets. Shit, even when the Vikings are GOOD, most Minnesotans deem themselves too good for their own team. There are thousands of Packers fans in Minnesota. There are NO Vikings fans in Wisconsin."

Classic.

[VegasPackFan]

The letters below each article from "fans" of the team are priceless. Some of the best comedy I've read in years.

[packer4life]

The letters below each article from "fans" of the team are priceless. Some of the best comedy I've read in years.

I've sadly spent at least an hour today reading through them. Way too entertaining and full of sarcasm and pessimism.

[Bossman641]

The letters below each article from "fans" of the team are priceless. Some of the best comedy I've read in years.

This one about the Bears had me rolling


Our 2nd year GM and 1st coach look like they met in a paddywagon after an episode of "to catch a predator" was shot. And Trestman spells his first name with a "c" instead of a "k". Fuck that.

[mraynrand]

This one on the Browns made me spit my Coffee out:

"The Browns suck on an impressive scale, and yet in between having heart attacks and being depressed, people here never shut the fuck up about them. Tune into any of the multitude of awful sports talk radio shows and you’re likely to hear Bernie Kosar slurring through his recollection of losing to the Broncos, followed by confusion, muffled crying, and awkward silence. I used to think Bernie was just a sad drunk, but my current running theory is that he unwittingly developed a rare form of Bell’s Palsy after telling the same story for 26 years ad nauseam."

That's pretty funny, but that being said Bernie is an acquired taste. He slurs his speech, drunk or not, is generally knowledgeable (he's the kind of announcer who predicts what will happen and is typically correct), he is both intentionally and unintentionally funny, and even as a fan of the team, he will be (mostly) appropriately critical. And then from time to time he goes off the reservation, and it's hilarious (parents of the Rams receivers should be ashamed of their kids! LOL). He's the perfect preseason color commentator for a home team.

[VegasPackFan]

That's pretty funny, but that being said Bernie is an acquired taste. He slurs his speech, drunk or not, is generally knowledgeable (he's the kind of announcer who predicts what will happen and is typically correct), he is both intentionally and unintentionally funny, and even as a fan of the team, he will be (mostly) appropriately critical. And then from time to time he goes off the reservation, and it's hilarious (parents of the Rams receivers should be ashamed of their kids! LOL). He's the perfect preseason color commentator for a home team.

I just can't stop laughing at the "followed by confusion, muffled crying, and awkward silence. " part. I am dying!!

[VegasPackFan]

Jaguars. Only had ONE LETTER from a fan sent in. LMAO

[mraynrand]

Jaguars. Only had ONE LETTER from a fan sent in. LMAO

woo hoo!

[Rutnstrut]

Spot on with the Capers description.

[Fritz]

It's easy to see how the Packers could be an early-round exit playoff team again, even minus major injuries. The offensive line could continue to suck (I am most disappointed in TJ Lang), and the defense could be better but still not good at getting off the field on third down.

I think in some respects the offensive line is the key.

[denverYooper]

It's easy to see how the Packers could be an early-round exit playoff team again, even minus major injuries. The offensive line could continue to suck (I am most disappointed in TJ Lang), and the defense could be better but still not good at getting off the field on third down.

I think in some respects the offensive line is the key.

I sure hope Lacy can stay healthy this year and produce like he did in the second preseason game. If so, he's the one player that can singlehandedly make the line look better and take pressure off of Rodgers.

That being said, things almost never work out so well.