Name that bacteria

[SkinBasket]

So, I ate some undercooked chicken, even though I knew it was undercooked, because I was really fucking hungry and I was all like, "whatever, I never get sick from dubious food, what's the worst that could happen?"

About 12 hours later I knew something wasn't quite right. Had a loose stool and my stomach was all making noises and stuff. I was all like, that's a small price to pay. 18 hours after ingestion, however, I started shooting pure liquid out of my ass, and have continued to do so for a day and a half. Judging from the roasted peppers I ate the next night, it's only taking about 2 hours for the food to go from mouth to ass (where's snake when you need him?). I have no other symptoms, and otherwise feel fine except I get dizzy when I don't keep drinking water or beer to stay hydrated. I was hoping that continuing to drink vodka during this illness would kill it, but apparently that's not how science works. It has been a fabulous colon cleanse on the other hand.

Any guesses on what bug I've got living inside me?

[wootah]

You can die from eating undercooked chicken. Gordon Ramsay taught me that.

[mraynrand]

Unless the chicken smelled like shit before you cooked it, you got Salmonella

Drink water/electrolytes, no alcohol! You're lucky no fever or puking.

[hoosier]

Chicken sushi, yum.

[Freak Out]

http://www.thermoworks.com/images/product/pocket/thermopop_red_z_c.jpg

[Freak Out]

Also works well as a rectal thermometer.

[SkinBasket]

Drink water/electrolytes, no alcohol!

Yeah, well that isn't happening, so I'll just drink more electrolytes to compensate

[Deputy Nutz]

What kind of chicken? fried? grilled? BBQ? I need to know!!! Chicken from your coop?

[SkinBasket]

Just regular drumsticks. From a store. This is probably a great opportunity to start losing some weight.

[mraynrand]

Just regular drumsticks. From a store. This is probably a great opportunity to start losing some weight.

Nahhhh

http://static6.depositphotos.com/1014511/546/i/950/depositphotos_5468769-Couch-potato-eating-and-watching-TV.jpg

[SkinBasket]

Honestly, left to my own devices, I would probably look like that but with a drink.

This strain should be replicated and sold. I don't feel hungry, even though I haven't eaten all day. What I have eaten hasn't stayed in my body long enough to pull anything out of it. I have to get up a couple times during the night to laser blast some more fluid into the toilet, but my butthole doesn't even feel raw or chaffed. About the only drawback is I have to be mindful that that feeling isn't just a fart I can pop off. That and the first night, when I could get sleep between shits, I had dreams about doing statistical analysis of zombie eradication proposals. That got tiresome.

[SkinBasket]

Also works well as a rectal thermometer.

I have one of those, but I don't use it. The meat thermometer. I don't think I have an ass thermometer. Although I guess any thermometer can be an ass thermometer. Like my wife says, just tickle it and spit.

[HowardRoark]

Just regular drumsticks. From a store. This is probably a great opportunity to start losing some weight.

12 pound chicken challenge

[SkinBasket]

It would seem that the shit storm has passed. Unfortunately, I ate a lot of cheese last night, so now I probably won't shit for a week or two. I ate royal jelly yesterday morning, so that must have been the cure.

Thank you all for your support during this difficult and challenging time for my butt hole.

[SkinBasket]

Nope. Spoke too soon.

[Zool]

Das poop!

[mraynrand]

had to be done:

http://profootballspot.com/uploads/monthly_2015_09/195a3e006225c5ccb06f38709d80f2e6.jpg.1cf3fcabe459a bf1e846389a7e003992.jpg

[SkinBasket]

I made a turd this morning. It could just be because I'm dehydrated though. Fingers crossed!

[Deputy Nutz]

congrats, a turd is a turd

[mraynrand]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwZNruyHCSs

[mraynrand]

http://www.eonline.com/eol_images/Entire_Site/2015817/rs_1024x759-150917101410-1024.Turd-Ferguson-Jeopardy-SNLjpg.jpg

[Freak Out]

What a great skit. Holy shite that was funny.