2019 My Mastery Mockery of a Draft

[Anti-Polar Bear]

At the abyss of oblivion
I found solace in solitude
From the wreckage of a tyrant
I launched a revolution for you

Each and every fucking game
You nuked 'em all just the fucking same
Fucking nuke here, fucking nuke there
A nuke for the majestic Polar Bear

Chorus:
Man, what's with Negroids doing country
What's with Caucasoids doing hip-hop
What's with Mongoloids doing metal
Man, this world's gotten so interfucked

It is time to arm the Great Arm of Butte with many a-WMDs. These are the players the German Shepherd should draft should they fall to him like the GAB did to Todd in 2005.

Rd/Pos/Player/Mental Institution/Comment:

1. WR DK Metcalf, Ole Miss - 6'4", 230 lbs, 4.3 40, 35 Wonderlic. Metcalf is a fucking hulk with speed, and he's smart as fuck. The math likes Metcalf being the next great NFL diva wideout. Imagine the greying GAB throwing to a in-his-prime Megatron.

1. RB Josh Jacobs, Alabama - 5'10", not quite as fat as former 'Tide great Eddie "The Hog" Lacy. 40 is pathetic. One-cut runner, which the Frog, the new Packer coach, desires. Can catch. Poor man's Terrell Davis.

2. WR Riley Ridley, Georgia - 6'1", 200 lbs. 40 is pathetic. Excellent route runner. If Greg Jennings and James Jones had an offspring together, Ridley would be the byproduct. Could find a malleable niche in the slot.

3. WR Andy Isabella, UMass - 5'9", 188 lbs. 40 is even better than Metcalf's. Quick as a cat. The stereotypical white slot man, although checking out pics of Isabelle, the dude sure fucking looks like he's 1/10th black.

4. OLB Porter Gustin, USC - 6'4" 255 lbs. 4.69 40. Has the motor, the blond hair, the pale skin and even the milksopiness of, you guessed it, the Claymaker. Like the Claymaker, when self-motivated, Gustin is a wrecking ball. Like the Claymaker, when his hair ain't pretty, he would rather sleep in than show up for the game. Poor man's Claymaker.

4. TE Moreau Foster, LSU - 6'4" 253 lbs, 4.66 40. The Frogs likes blocking TEs. Not a J-Mike route runner. Should sell jerseys since Packer fans have a nostalgic, northern comfort for white players, a la Falcon fans having nostalgic, southern comforts for black players. Poor man's Owen Daniels.

5. S Zedrick Woods, Ole Miss - 5'11, 205 lbs. 4.29 40. Faster than the speed of fuck. A 'free.' Poor man's Nick Collins.

6. Sione Takitaki, ILB, Brigham Young - 6'1, 238 lbs. 4.63 40. Initially, a thug. Samurai attitude got him kicked off the team briefly. Suspended temporarily for violating team rules after getting reinstated. Then Takitaki found love and God.

6. K Matt Gay, Utah - A Mormon with an extremely strong leg. Has 5 wives.

7. QB Ty Gangi, Nevada - 6'2", 217 lbs. The Luis Pertz of this year's draft.

[jklowan]

dumbest post ever, even by your standards

[Anti-Polar Bear]

dumbest post ever, even by your standards

The Falcons have the "Rise Up" rallying cry. The Panthers, "Keep Pounding."

If German Shepherd pulls off this draft, the Packers should go with, "Nuke 'Em All." Packers would be so nuclear with so many WMDs (Rodgers, Adams, Metcalf, Isabella, oh my!)

[run pMc]

So draft a Poor Man's Terrell Davis, Claymaker, Owen Daniels, and Nick Collins? The Combine Bros say NOICE.

[Anti-Polar Bear]

So draft a Poor Man's Terrell Davis, Claymaker, Owen Daniels, and Nick Collins? The Combine Bros say NOICE.

At least they ain’t fat.

Some of you clueless draftnutz want to draft Yokozuna Left Tackle, Yokozuna Nose Tackle, especially in the 1st round. Fuck that shit, yo!

I subscribe to the Mike Sherman School of Hard Abs. As Sherman did when he was GM, you absolutely do NOT draft fat guys in the 1st. In my case, I’d not draft one at all in an entire draft.

Playing the O-Line is all about techniques. Peter Griffin could be signed off the streets of Baltimore, and he would make a solid LT with proper technique. Fat defensive linemen who can consistently penetrate the A, B, C, D gaps in 3 seconds or less are rarer than an impotent peacock in Antarctica.

In a passing league, hotshot QBs not named Aaron Rodgers get rid of the rock in 3 seconds or less. Any fat guy with proper technique should be capable of blocking for 3 seconds. Likewise, you’ll find an impotent peacock in Antarctica before you find a fat guy who can penetrate gaps in 3 seconds.

In the 1st, give me an exotic WR, a hotshot QB, a shutdown corner, a mofo safety, a poet OLB, an Urlacher. Don’t give me a fat guy.

[Anti-Polar Bear]

Check out these 2 clips. Remind ya of a couple of former Pack greats, don't they?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKCFDqn07y0


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vaar-JPWH_g

[Anti-Polar Bear]

Fuck Bush and Oba, err, White. The Samurai should be there in the 6th. Dude is a wrecking ball. Ole Bretsky is still feeling the hits from the BYU-Wisc game (1:38 mark).


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUnyEUcJJWk

[mraynrand]

Gustin

Gustin doesn't look as quick and roided up as Clay. But he does seem to be able to sack the QB without picking up a personal foul. Love the clips of him sacking Keyser Söze. Keyser: once indecisive always indecisive I guess.

[run pMc]

Gustin doesn't look as quick and roided up as Clay. But he does seem to be able to sack the QB without picking up a personal foul. Love the clips of him sacking Keyser Söze. Keyser: once indecisive always indecisive I guess.

Gustin also can't stay healthy, so he should at least be an honorary pick.

[Anti-Polar Bear]

Gustin doesn't look as quick and roided up as Clay. But he does seem to be able to sack the QB without picking up a personal foul. Love the clips of him sacking Keyser Söze. Keyser: once indecisive always indecisive I guess.

Hence, poor man’s Claymaker. Gustin doesn’t quite have Claymakers blood in the water chase. But a poor man’s Claymaker is probably an upgrade over Gilbert.

Btw, I ain’t seen Usual Suspects yet.

[Anti-Polar Bear]

Rd/Pos/Player/Mental Institution/Comment:

1. WR DK Metcalf, Ole Miss - 6'4", 230 lbs, 4.3 40, 35 Wonderlic. Metcalf is a fucking hulk with speed, and he's smart as fuck. The math likes Metcalf being the next great NFL diva wideout. Imagine the greying GAB throwing to a in-his-prime Megatron.

1. RB Josh Jacobs, Alabama - 5'10", not quite as fat as former 'Tide great Eddie "The Hog" Lacy. 40 is pathetic. One-cut runner, which the Frog, the new Packer coach, desires. Can catch. Poor man's Terrell Davis.

2. WR Riley Ridley, Georgia - 6'1", 200 lbs. 40 is pathetic. Excellent route runner. If Greg Jennings and James Jones had an offspring together, Ridley would be the byproduct. Could find a malleable niche in the slot.

3. WR Andy Isabella, UMass - 5'9", 188 lbs. 40 is even better than Metcalf's. Quick as a cat. The stereotypical white slot man, although checking out pics of Isabelle, the dude sure fucking looks like he's 1/10th black.

4. OLB Porter Gustin, USC - 6'4" 255 lbs. 4.69 40. Has the motor, the blond hair, the pale skin and even the milksopiness of, you guessed it, the Claymaker. Like the Claymaker, when self-motivated, Gustin is a wrecking ball. Like the Claymaker, when his hair ain't pretty, he would rather sleep in than show up for the game. Poor man's Claymaker.

4. TE Moreau Foster, LSU - 6'4" 253 lbs, 4.66 40. The Frogs likes blocking TEs. Not a J-Mike route runner. Should sell jerseys since Packer fans have a nostalgic, northern comfort for white players, a la Falcon fans having nostalgic, southern comforts for black players. Poor man's Owen Daniels.

5. S Zedrick Woods, Ole Miss - 5'11, 205 lbs. 4.29 40. Faster than the speed of fuck. A 'free.' Poor man's Nick Collins.

6. Sione Takitaki, ILB, Brigham Young - 6'1, 238 lbs. 4.63 40. Initially, a thug. Samurai attitude got him kicked off the team briefly. Suspended temporarily for violating team rules after getting reinstated. Then Takitaki found love and God.

6. K Matt Gay, Utah - A Mormon with an extremely strong leg. Has 5 wives.

7. QB Ty Gangi, Nevada - 6'2", 217 lbs. The Luis Pertz of this year's draft.

What a draft. Proof of my ingenuity.

Stay tuned for my ingenious 2021 My Mastery Mockery of a Draft.

[texaspackerbacker]

You did get it right with Metcalf and Jacobs, even though the Packers are arguably as well or better off with what they have than those two. Beyond that, it went down hill in a hurry - a combined 68 receptions in two years for Ridley, Isabella, and Moreau, for example. Takitaki was fairly decent his second season. Other than that, there wasn't much.

[Upnorth]

Swapping savage for Jacobs is a downgrade imo. Gary is trending up and maybe a probowler. At this point i do prefer Metcalf but if gary grows in 2021 like he. Did in 2020 then due to position value Gary is the better pick. Big if though. Also depends if you think Adams was more important to wins than z. Same sort of comparison.
Jenkins vrs Ridley... Jenkins will be all pro soon.
As to the rest it feels like meh vrs meh.
Yours is good but I bet the actual 2019 draft will be better

[Anti-Polar Bear]

Swapping savage for Jacobs is a downgrade imo. Gary is trending up and maybe a probowler. At this point i do prefer Metcalf but if gary grows in 2021 like he. Did in 2020 then due to position value Gary is the better pick. Big if though. Also depends if you think Adams was more important to wins than z. Same sort of comparison.
Jenkins vrs Ridley... Jenkins will be all pro soon.
As to the rest it feels like meh vrs meh.
Yours is good but I bet the actual 2019 draft will be better

My memory of the game is a bit fuzzy, but I don’t think 21 Savage did shit in the NFC Title game. Tex’s dawg, 33, choked big time in that game.

With Metcalf, Jacobs, Isabella, Moreau, along with Adams, Tonyan and MVS, Packers coulda out-nuked the GOAT. I seem to recall the Packer D creating a bunch of turnovers in the clutch only to see the Packer O punted/kicked away the opportunities.

[Upnorth]

No Jenkins and we dont make nfccg with bakh down.

[texaspackerbacker]

Maybe, but I tend to think the O Line just ain't that important anyway. Rodgers has thrived for many years with mediocre O Line play although I suppose the running game might not have been as good without Jenkins.

[Upnorth]

Maybe, but I tend to think the O Line just ain't that important anyway. Rodgers has thrived for many years with mediocre O Line play although I suppose the running game might not have been as good without Jenkins.

2015 and 2016 we had poor lines. Other than that every year it is at least top 10 and often top 5. Every mvp year is top 5.
Jenkins is way more important than you are giving him credit for.

[texaspackerbacker]

"top 10 and often top 5" because Rodgers made them that. Crap in '15 and '16 with Rodgers missing a lot of games.

[Upnorth]

"top 10 and often top 5" because Rodgers made them that. Crap in '15 and '16 with Rodgers missing a lot of games.

Thanks for bringing that up. Games missed by rodgers in 15 and 16 = 0
2013 was 9 and 2017 was 7. Both great line years. I never thought about injuries originally but it strengthens my point.
Speaking of which 2015 was a fairly injured year for the line with only sitton making all 16 games. 2016 saw Lang replace him and Lindsey come in part way through the season with both having a learning curve. Better line gives rodgers more time and in the shitty McCarthy off he needed it.

[Anti-Polar Bear]

No Jenkins and we dont make nfccg with bakh down.

To paraphrase Allen Iverson: A fucking center? Are you fucking kidding me?!?! A fucking center! We’re talking a fucking center! Not a Orlando Pace, a Tony Boselli, or even an Iranian Stallion (a Bak). A fucking center!

Replace Jenkins with Runyan or Tonyan or even Onion, and odds are, Pack would still be good enough to make it to Conference Championships Sunday. Remember, the Majestic Polar Bear once implied that guards are as replaceable as burger flippers with his incompetent decision to replace Wahle and Rivera with Klemm and Whitticker.

The Packers simply lacked the WMDs to outnuke the GOAT in the clutch. Shoulda drafted Metcalf, Jacobs, et al.

[Upnorth]

To paraphrase Allen Iverson: A fucking center? Are you fucking kidding me?!?! A fucking center! We’re talking a fucking center! Not a Orlando Pace, a Tony Boselli, or even an Iranian Stallion (a Bak). A fucking center!

Replace Jenkins with Runyan or Tonyan or even Onion, and odds are, Pack would still be good enough to make it to Conference Championships Sunday. Remember, the Majestic Polar Bear once implied that guards are as replaceable as burger flippers with his incompetent decision to replace Wahle and Rivera with Klemm and Whitticker.

The Packers simply lacked the WMDs to outnuke the GOAT in the clutch. Shoulda drafted Metcalf, Jacobs, et al.

If the oline isn't that important why are not only more but higher draft picks dedicated to oline?
Your wmds are duds if the trigger is in the dirt staring at the sky.

[Anti-Polar Bear]

If the oline isn't that important why are not only more but higher draft picks dedicated to oline?
Your wmds are duds if the trigger is in the dirt staring at the sky.

Name one HOF, or HOF caliber, OL-man the Packers drafted in the 1st round since they took Ante Josip Mandarich over Neon Deion Sanders. All the Packers ever drafted were a bunch of Mandariches and Sharrodses.

Thompson, by chance, pulled the Iranian Stallion’s name out of a hat in round 4. Wolf did the same, but in the 7th, with Tauscher.

Point being, teams can get by by drafting fat guys in day 3. Wasting premium picks on fat guys, be it on offense or defense, almost always turn out to be, well, wasteful.

In the 1st, give me a hotshot QB, a shutdown corner, a prima donna WR...

[SudsMcBucky]

In the 1st, give me a hotshot QB, a shutdown corner, a prima donna WR...

You got your wish last year. :)

[run pMc]

Wolf drafted a lot of OL in the first two rounds: Chad Clifton, Aaron Taylor, Mike Wahle, Ross Verba, John Michels. TT spent a few picks there as well (Sherrod, Spriggs, Bulaga).
You can find fat guys on day 3 to play C/G, but I think at OT you need to spend the draft capital. Spending a Day 2 pick on a OL player isn't the worse thing either.

The game is still largely won in the trenches -- OL to protect the QB, DL to rush the passer. If you think OL is unimportant, Joe Burrow and a slew of other QBs would like a word.

[QBME]

Wolf drafted a lot of OL in the first two rounds: Chad Clifton, Aaron Taylor, Mike Wahle, Ross Verba, John Michels. TT spent a few picks there as well (Sherrod, Spriggs, Bulaga).
You can find fat guys on day 3 to play C/G, but I think at OT you need to spend the draft capital. Spending a Day 2 pick on a OL player isn't the worse thing either.

The game is still largely won in the trenches -- OL to protect the QB, DL to rush the passer. If you think OL is unimportant, Joe Burrow and a slew of other QBs would like a word.

No doubt.

Some historically famous Coach once opined "you block better, you tackle better, you win more."

That guy has a Trophy named after him if I'm not mistaking.

[Joemailman]

No doubt.

Some historically famous Coach once opined "you block better, you tackle better, you win more."

That guy has a Trophy named after him if I'm not mistaking.

When did Brandon Bostick go into coaching?

https://i.imgur.com/Gyqnd9y.png

[Upnorth]

Name one HOF, or HOF caliber, OL-man the Packers drafted in the 1st round since they took Ante Josip Mandarich over Neon Deion Sanders. All the Packers ever drafted were a bunch of Mandariches and Sharrodses.

Thompson, by chance, pulled the Iranian Stallion’s name out of a hat in round 4. Wolf did the same, but in the 7th, with Tauscher.

Point being, teams can get by by drafting fat guys in day 3. Wasting premium picks on fat guys, be it on offense or defense, almost always turn out to be, well, wasteful.

In the 1st, give me a hotshot QB, a shutdown corner, a prima donna WR...

In my life I gave seen a lot of people say what they have done then watched who did the important work. Not a high level of correlation between the two. Arod can make the wr look better, but only if the oline allows him to.
Perhaps with you being a knee injury away from being a pro bowl CB you are to focused on wr

[texaspackerbacker]

No no no. Rodgers' mobility and accuracy allows him to thrive with mediocrity in the O Line and at the same time, make the O Line seem better - to a lot of people anyway.

[Anti-Polar Bear]

Wolf drafted a lot of OL in the first two rounds: Chad Clifton, Aaron Taylor, Mike Wahle, Ross Verba, John Michels. TT spent a few picks there as well (Sherrod, Spriggs, Bulaga).
You can find fat guys on day 3 to play C/G, but I think at OT you need to spend the draft capital. Spending a Day 2 pick on a OL player isn't the worse thing either.

The game is still largely won in the trenches -- OL to protect the QB, DL to rush the passer. If you think OL is unimportant, Joe Burrow and a slew of other QBs would like a word.

I ain’t saying Yokozunas aren’t important. I’m saying, the Kung Fu between a 1st round Yokozuna ain’t that Wu-Tang from that of a 6th rounder. In other words, Jenkins ain’t that different from, say, Dick Dietrich, the Wisconsin guard that went to Miami in the 3rd.

Gotta use premium picks on skill players where the Kung Fu between players are more Wu-Tang. Diamonds in the rough do exist, but more often than not, you’ll find a Gary Jennings in the 4th moreso than a DK Metcalf. Metcalf fell to the German Shepherd not once, not twice, but 3 fucking times!

[Anti-Polar Bear]

No no no. Rodgers' mobility and accuracy allows him to thrive with mediocrity in the O Line and at the same time, make the O Line seem better - to a lot of people anyway.

Word.

[Upnorth]

Have you guys never seen the pressure hrs clean stats? Are they the same or different? Rodgers like every other qb in history does better without pressure and that is why the line is so important. Or did you guys not watch the nfccg?

[bobblehead]

Have you guys never seen the pressure hrs clean stats? Are they the same or different? Rodgers like every other qb in history does better without pressure and that is why the line is so important. Or did you guys not watch the nfccg?

One of them was napping after his warm milk and the other was flipping burgers.

[run pMc]

No no no. Rodgers' mobility and accuracy allows him to thrive with mediocrity in the O Line and at the same time, make the O Line seem better - to a lot of people anyway.

QB mobility is nice, I'd wager it's about 5th behind accuracy, quick read progression, poise, and pocket presence in importance. You don't have to be a great athlete to play QB. I think that's a separate discussion.

I strongly disagree that the OL is mediocre and it's all Rodgers. The OL ranks consistently high and Rodgers' (and the RB's) numbers would have been much worse if the OL was middle of the road. They aren't perfect -- the opposing defense gets paid too -- but if you watch a lot of other teams you'll see GB has a good OL and mightily contributed to having a top 3 offense last year. You don't do that with one above average WR, a RB by committee, and mediocre OL.

Rodgers playing well and the scheme masks weaknesses, but the OL isn't one of them. Maybe you're still thinking of the end of the M3 era where Rodgers was holding the ball 5-6 s and running around hoping a WR would get open... that's on the scheme and WR's not the OL. The QB should get rid of the ball anywhere between 2-3.5 sec IMO depending on the play call. Anything more than that means the coverage is good or the routes are shit. I'd guess a decent DL will start to get pressure the QB within 2.5 or 3 sec.

Billy Turner and Rick Wagner actually played better than I expected, the NFCCG notwithstanding. Jenkins and Linsley were among the best at their positions, Bahktiari played pretty good, and Patrick was serviceable. There wasn't a gaping weakness on the line, which is more than you can say for most pro OLs.

OTs are drafted early about as much as any position, and a franchise LT is highly prized -- that's why Sewell is considered a Top 3 prospect. Dancing bears like that are rare specimens and only so many of them are out there. The rest have to be developed a la Nijman (and he may never pan out) because their technique is garbage and they've been getting by on size/athleticism.

[texaspackerbacker]

I agree with your levels of importance IF a team has a high quality O Line in front of the QB. However, mobility rises to third, maybe even second if the line is poor or mediocre. And I would argue - as I always have without a lot of people agreeing - that all through the Rodgers era, the Packers O Line has been in the poor to mediocre range. A QB doesn't have to be a terrific athlete, but it's best if he's not a total klutz either. Brady, for example, wouldn't have had half the success he's had if not for consistent great line blocking.

As for drafting an O Line prospect, obviously, I'd much prefer a Corner, and I'd also prioritize D Line and ILB over O Line, in part because there have been so many misses with high draft picks on O Linemen over the years, not only the Packers, but a lot of teams. The other thing is I really wish they would get a "road grader" type - if that's approximately the same as what you mean by a "dancing bear" type, fine. But I prefer to avoid your smaller maybe more mobile O Linemen - which unfortunately, it seems the Packers have preferred for quite a while.

[run pMc]

Brady, for example, wouldn't have had half the success he's had if not for consistent great line blocking.

Brady is the king of short-to-intermediate passes. James White, Welker, Edelman, Hernandez & Gronk all caught a lot of passes within 10 yards of the LOS. Get the ball out fast and you don't get hit.
He's had some pretty good OLs, but nothing I would call dominant. GB has fielded lines at least as good if not better than NE's.

Rodgers had his fewest rushing attempts and yards this past season (for a full 16 games season). He doesn't need to run and dance around much. If the OL is so bad, how come Jenkins, Linsley and Bahk have graded out so high over the last couple of years? What about Scott Wells, Josh Sitton, Lang, Bulaga...? They have NOT trotted out subpar lines except of when they had Byron Bell. Even Jahri Evans gave them a decent year running on fumes in the tank.

If the OL is mediocre, shouldn't you want to make it a priority to improve over, say, ILB?
If you want to get by on QB mobility, I'd imagine Jordan Love is far more athletic and mobile at this stage than Rodgers.

I imagine we will agree to disagree on this.

FWIW, I think the OL is above average, but they will still need to draft an OT early. They can maybe get by with Billy Turner at RT, but until Bahk comes off the PUP from his ACL (anywhere from regular season week 4 to week 6 I'd guess) they need another tackle.
Generally speaking, I think drafting them is just smart anyway -- it's an area where you can constantly bring new, cheap Yokozumas into the pipeline to develop. Better to have them developing on the roster than having to reach for one or pick thru the scrap pile.
I expect once Turner's contract is up they won't sign him either, so they either draft someone now or they draft a bunch of someone's later as the line ages.

[texaspackerbacker]

All those great examples of mediocrity SEEMED better than they were because of Aaron Rodgers hahahaha.

Granted, the O Line was better last season than much of the recent past. I'd give Jenkins most of the credit for that. Doing so well without the sacred cow, Bakhtiari, and deciding not to re-sign Linsley kinda says that the staff pretty much thinks "good enough is good enough".

I think/hope they leave Jenkins at LG, but even if Stepaniak or Hanson comes through, they still might be short one OT - I don't know if Runyan or Patrick is capable of doing the job there, and Nijman still is just a pipe dream until proven otherwise. So it would make sense to draft an OT, IMO, just not in the first or second round.