The Official Kickass Opening 53 Packer Roster Nickname List 2019-20 Season

[CaptainKickass]

The Official Kickass Opening 53 Packer Roster Nickname List 2019-20 Season

Gettin' rather stoked for the real season right about now. Some of you know I have many many many many many nicknames for all things NFL. As a fan of parody and a parody artist this shouldn't be shocking. From announcers to stadiums, owners, players and even entire cities - yes I've made fun of them all. But sometimes the ol' creativity just doesn't click. I could really use your help inventing something to yell at the screen if/when said player takes the spotlight. I welcome your assistance with names marked with *

QB:
Fred Rodgers
Blue Lou Boyle

RB:
Doctor Jones
Wendy O Williams
Sherwin Williams

FB:
*Danny Vitale

WR:
Samuel Adams
Exxon Valdez Scantling
Geronimoooooooooooooooo
Sammy Davis
Numero Oomerow Kumerow Zoomerow
Ben Shepherd

TE:
Teddy Graham
The Luxury Automobile
*Robert Tonyan
Bacon Double Sternberger

OL:
The Whale
*David Bakhtiari
LIZ Taylor
Tina Turner
*Corey Linsley
LEEEEEEEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYYYY Jenkins
Danica Patrick
Judith Light
James Madison

DL:
Roy Clark
Season Salt
Morticia Adams
Jessica Lancaster
*Kingsley Keke
Charlie Brown

OLB:
Bob Smith
Bob Smith
Holy Fackrell
*Rashan Gary

ILB:
Make Blartinez
*Oren Burks
Cindy Crawford
Suzanne Summers

CB:
Jason Alexander
Kerry King
Robin Williams
Jermaine Jackson
James Brown
*Ka’dar Hollman
Ed Sullivan

Safety:
Famous Amos
Fred Savage
Lorne Greene
*Will Redmond

Special:
Bing Crosby
JKLMNO Scott
Milton Bradley

[CaptainKickass]

A couple of in season additions and one deserving, well earned change:

OL:
Hankey Pankey
Billy Turnstile (earned)

TE:
Skip Bayliss

[mraynrand]

Bacteria for Bakhtiari
Linseed for Linsley
Keke D
Ka’dar love
Exxon Valdez Scantron

[mraynrand]

I like calling Oren Burks “Edmund Burke” but that’s a Dublius nickname.

[mraynrand]

Mr and Mrs Smith for the free agent OLBs

[mraynrand]

“No Vitale signs”

[mraynrand]

Tinker Taylor Soldier IR.

[gbgary]

danny "no greasy kids stuff" vitale


https://youtu.be/C3s284_8JvQ

[Zool]

I’ve been calling MVS, Mucus Vagina Scalding

[QBME]

Tinker Taylor Soldier IR.

Nice

[CaptainKickass]

Not on this list for obvious reasons is Equanimeous Saint Brown, which as an acronym equals E.S.B.

E.S.B. also stands for Extra Special Bitter, but that's no fun to yell at a TV screen.

Extra Special Bitter is a style of beer, which is very cool, so when/if he ever makes a play I just yell "BEER ME!"

In the future it might make an interesting in-game drinking game. A game within the game if you will.

[mraynrand]

Not on this list for obvious reasons is Equanimeous Saint Brown, which as an acronym equals E.S.B.

E.S.B. also stands for Extra Special Bitter, but that's no fun to yell at a TV screen.

Extra Special Bitter is a style of beer, which is very cool, so when/if he ever makes a play I just yell "BEER ME!"

In the future it might make an interesting in-game drinking game. A game within the game if you will.

You ain’t gettin any beer for a while.

[CaptainKickass]

You ain’t gettin any beer for a while.

I won't be getting any ESB for certain, but the possibility of some (Alex) Light beer exists, as well as perhaps some (Tony, Fadol) Brown ales.

[CaptainKickass]

In-season addition:

ILB:

BJ NoGoodson

[MadScientist]

Dick Vitale
Rashan Gary Indiana

[pbmax]

Hazard Lazard
Lazard County

Voulez-vous coucher avec moi La-zard

[CaptainKickass]

Rashan Gary Indiana



Voulez-vous coucher avec moi La-zard

These are pretty fucking great!

But..

I'm personally going with "Lounge Lazard" however - I am absolutely reserving Voulez-vous coucher avec moi La-zard for situational use!

[Fritz]

For the oldsters, how about "Encyclopedia St. Brown"?

And add an "h" to Baylis, and you've got Lord Baylish.

[CaptainKickass]

In season addition:

RB
Johnny Carson

[mraynrand]

TOPH For Jenkins
“The original Pancake house”
IHOP works too.

[CaptainKickass]

TOPH For Jenkins
“The original Pancake house”
IHOP works too.

Gonna hafta disagree.

Because like I said.....


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLyOj_QD4a4

[George Cumby]

Leeeeeeeeeroy Jenkins!

[mraynrand]

Gonna hafta disagree.

Because like I said.....


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLyOj_QD4a4

I don't have the first clue what the f is going on there.

I would never tell you not to enjoy the hell out of your nickname.

I'm just saying that Jenkins hands out more pancakes than the Boy Scouts at a jamboree brunch, and that is a fact.

[George Cumby]

^

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leeroy_Jenkins

[mraynrand]

^

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leeroy_Jenkins

That little bit of americana just passed me by. Not a single reference did I get. Never play those video games. But I like it.

[George Cumby]

Me too. I forget how it penetrated my consciousness. I now have "Leeeeeeeeeroy Jenkins!" as a macro on my phone for the iOS game I play. Makes the older kids think I'm cool. The younger kids are like 'Huh?".

[RashanGary]

Jk Scott

JK-47

[mraynrand]

Jk Scott

JK-47

that's a keeper

[RashanGary]

that's a keeper

Got it from Twitter. I shoulda said that, but it’s a weapon specific to JK so I had to share

[mraynrand]

Suggest:

The Sith for the Smith duo (as Cumby points out, there are always two)

LazaЯus for Lazard. Cut and paste it in there....

[RashanGary]

Are we using bacon for Gary?

[Zool]

The Baconator

[CaptainKickass]

Some of you younger folks might not get this, but I feel the need to post an update on Billy Turner. I feel like his performances are rather binary in that he has either a really good game or a really bad game and thus I submit an exception for him to be subject to a dual-nickname based on performance. Plus, it's fucking funny.

So, when Billy Turner is handing out the beating, his nickname will be:
Ike Turner

But when Billy Turner is receiving the beating his nickname will be:
Tina Turner


This has been a public service message. You may now return to your regularly scheduled football dramas.

[mraynrand]

I prefer Turnstile when he sucks. But to each his own.

[StPaulPackFan]

Some of you younger folks might not get this, but I feel the need to post an update on Billy Turner. I feel like his performances are rather binary in that he has either a really good game or a really bad game and thus I submit an exception for him to be subject to a dual-nickname based on performance. Plus, it's fucking funny.

So, when Billy Turner is handing out the beating, his nickname will be:
Ike Turner

But when Billy Turner is receiving the beating his nickname will be:
Tina Turner


This has been a public service message. You may now return to your regularly scheduled football dramas.

Any reference to Ike & Tina Turner always makes think of this :-):

https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/5d7dfeaf-530b-406d-af9c-7942c2a13525

[George Cumby]

^ LOL

[CaptainKickass]

BACON DOUBLE STERNBURGER - ACTIVATE!


https://packerswire.usatoday.com/2019/11/02/packers-activate-rookie-te-jace-sternberger-from-injured-reserve/

[CaptainKickass]

Everyone please welcome the newest addition to the defensive secondary, fresh off of injured reserve and newly activated...

Safety:
The one, the only, the man, the myth, the legend...

Bruce Campbell

https://dynamicmedia.zuza.com/zz/m/original_/0/a/0abbf0b8-ff9a-4e3a-9ea6-4dec25b780c8/B88728273Z.1_20190603120029_000_G9KJV8K4.3-0_Super_Portrait.jpg

[Joemailman]

Any relation to former Packers legend Rich Campbell?

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/d4/18/bd/d418bde08729c9706846d17dc3522d8d.jpg

[George Cumby]

Everyone please welcome the newest addition to the defensive secondary, fresh off of injured reserve and newly activated...

Safety:
The one, the only, the man, the myth, the legend...

Bruce Campbell

https://dynamicmedia.zuza.com/zz/m/original_/0/a/0abbf0b8-ff9a-4e3a-9ea6-4dec25b780c8/B88728273Z.1_20190603120029_000_G9KJV8K4.3-0_Super_Portrait.jpg

Ashe or Bubba Ho-Tep?

[Zool]

Ashe or Bubba Ho-Tep?

Play smart. Play S Mart.

[CaptainKickass]

Any relation to former Packers legend Rich Campbell?

Actually...

Rumor mill suggests he's related to former singer, guitarist, songwriter, television host, and actor Glen Campbell :D


https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTEc3-1LvorjGQYpheSvid7vwJqJ3C1_fRs15pViLoP8tnnahcf&s

[Fritz]

Actually...

Rumor mill suggests he's related to former singer, guitarist, songwriter, television host, and actor Glen Campbell :D


https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTEc3-1LvorjGQYpheSvid7vwJqJ3C1_fRs15pViLoP8tnnahcf&s



"I am a safety for the Packers . . . "

[CaptainKickass]

Late season additions that I just remembered to invent and/or mock

WR
Ryan "Ulysses S." Grant

RB/Return motherfucker
Tyler "Michael" Ervin

Offensive Tackle
Jared "The Red Nosed" Veldheer

[Zool]

I kinda hate Michael Irvin. Also it’s spelled with an E not an I.

I submit Tyler Ervin Magic Johnson. You also get a penis joke mixed in. Win/Win

[George Cumby]

I hate Michael Ervin. Not kinda'.

[CaptainKickass]

I kinda hate Michael Irvin.

https://teflreflections.files.wordpress.com/2015/01/grammar-police-to-correct-and-serve-t-shirts.jpg?w=173&h=173

Also it’s spelled with an E not an I.

Fully aware and sure don't care.
It's absolutely not onomatopoeia, instead it's a homophone.
Go ahead and look up those definitions if you need to.



I submit Tyler Ervin Magic Johnson. You also get a penis joke mixed in. Win/Win

You submission was received and reviewed but denied for being a dick about it.

:butt:

[pbmax]

Aaron Jones would like a word with the Captain:


“Swervin’ Ervin. That’s my guy,” running back Aaron Jones said after Sunday’s 20-15 victory over the Washington Redskins.

https://twitter.com/AndyHermanNFL/status/1203737717584076800

On Ervin's effort: https://www.si.com/nfl/packers/news/swervin-ervin-makes-positive-impact-on-returns/

[CaptainKickass]

Aaron Jones would like a word with the Captain:



“Swervin’ Ervin. That’s my guy,” running back Aaron Jones said after Sunday’s 20-15 victory over the Washington Redskins.

It's my thread. I do what I want!

Besides, Aaron Jones needs to focus on what he does best - which is play football - and leave the pseudo-lame, sometimes hilarious, sometimes Dad-Joke-ish player nicknaming to the man who was born to stupidly butcher vernacular and otherwise abuse the English language for good or for awesome, for fun and/or for profit, for cringe or for laugh.

[Fritz]

"Swervin' Ervin" also has penile associations, as in:

"How's it hangin'?"

"To the left, as always."

[Cheesehead Craig]

I'm calling Ervin "Magic". Did so in the gameday thread and will continue to do so.

[pbmax]

I am kinda digging swervin' ervin.

[Anti-Polar Bear]

Jordan Love Hewitt

[Anti-Polar Bear]

Back in my shutdown days, when dial-up AOL was fab, I used to download hot pics of Jennifer Love Hewitt onto floppy disk drives after school from the school's library, which had broadband (while keeping an eye out for the librarian). As soon as I got home, I immediately hit the showers.

Little did I know, downloading hot pics of JLH would provide the gateway for a sinister porn addiction that would in turn ruin my ephemeral youth - and is still ruining my life today as a about the same age as the Great Arm of Butte, balding, burger-flipping loser.

Wish I could go back in time and redo the ephemeral youth. I can't, and therefore, I'm currently too sad to diss the German Shepherd for the wasteful Love pick.