2021 My Mastery Mockery of a Draft

[Anti-Polar Bear]

Rd/Player/Pos/Mental Institution/Comment

1 (from Jets). Zack Wilson, QB, BYU: 6-2 214 lbs. 4.4 40. 30 Wonderlic. Packers trade the Great Arm of Butte to the Jets for 3 1sts (2021, 2022, 2023), 2 2nds (2021, 2022) and a 3rd (2022). Mormon whose favorite NFL player is Aaron Rodgers. Might've made an appearance on mormonboyz.com. Poor man's Aaron Rodgers.

1 (from Patriots). Devonta Smith, WR, Alabama: 6-1 180. 4.49 40. 34 Wonderlic. Packers trade the 29th overall pick, their second 4th rounder and Jordan Love to the Patriots for the 15th overall pick. Smooth as a hot stripper's breasts as a route runner. Quick and cocky. Poor man's Davante Adams

2 (from Jets). Asante Samuel Jr, CB, Florida St: 5-10 185. 4.45 40. 40 Wonderlic. The Oedipal son of ex-NFL great Asante Samuel. Inherited cat-like Kung Fu, as well as high football IQ, from the old man. Man coverage is more Wu-tang than zone coverage. Prototype slot man with some boundary kung fu. Poor man's Asante Samuel.

2. Baron Browning, ILB, THE Ohio State: 6-3 240. 4.56 40. 10 Wonderlic. Athletic and atheistic gangsta whose Kung Fu includes playing both the run and the pass. Can blitz, too. Poor man's KJ Wright.

3. Cameron McGrone, ILB, Michigan: 6-1 236, 4.4 40. 25 Wonderlic. Youtube vids depict a fast and physical gangsta. Wu-Tang enough in pass coverage? Time will tell. Poor man's Roquan Smith.

4. Israel Mukuamu, CB, South Carolina: 6-4 212, 4.39 40. 44 Wonderlic. Holds an African-African surname, so high Wonderlic ain't a surprise. Love futbol? Or merely seeking to milk NFL pigs for a few seasons til med school comes a-calling? Poor man's Richard Sherman.

5. Kellen Mond, QB, Texas AM: 6-3 215. 4.56 40. 27 Wonderlic. Poor man's Dak Prescott.

5. Reed Blankenship, S, Middle Tennesse: 6-0 210. 4.52 40. 34 Wonderlic. Make safety white again. Aggressive and instinctive. Wore #12 in college. With the NFL relaxing its numbering rules, give the man the #12 Green and Musta Yella. Poor man's John Lynch.

6. Chris Evans, RB, Michigan: 5-10 215. 4.40. 33 Wonderlic. Captain America.

6. Jaelon Darden, WR, North Texas 5-8 175. 4.46 40. 22 Wonderlic. Slot machine.

7. Quinton Bohanna, DT, Kentucky 6-4 354. 7.2 40. 26 Wonderlic. Sorry, did not have time to research this Yokozuna. Gotta get the beauty sleep in. Waking up at 3 PM for a poker session. Flip burgers at 10 PM.

[SudsMcBucky]

If the Patriots actually allowed that trade to happen, I'd jump on that in a New York second.

[HarveyWallbangers]

The Packers aren't getting the #2 pick in this draft + 2 other 1st, 2 2nds, and a 3rd for Rodgers, so the fantasy ends on the first line.

[RashanGary]

I love davonta smith. He's too small and has a chance of busting but id love to see him play for a few years.

[Fritz]

Rd/Player/Pos/Mental Institution/Comment

1 (from Jets). Zack Wilson, QB, BYU: 6-2 214 lbs. 4.4 40. 30 Wonderlic. Packers trade the Great Arm of Butte to the Jets for 3 1sts (2021, 2022, 2023), 2 2nds (2021, 2022) and a 3rd (2022). Mormon whose favorite NFL player is Aaron Rodgers. Might've made an appearance on mormonboyz.com. Poor man's Aaron Rodgers.

1 (from Patriots). Devonta Smith, WR, Alabama: 6-1 180. 4.49 40. 34 Wonderlic. Packers trade the 29th overall pick, their second 4th rounder and Jordan Love to the Patriots for the 15th overall pick. Smooth as a hot stripper's breasts as a route runner. Quick and cocky. Poor man's Davante Adams

2 (from Jets). Asante Samuel Jr, CB, Florida St: 5-10 185. 4.45 40. 40 Wonderlic. The Oedipal son of ex-NFL great Asante Samuel. Inherited cat-like Kung Fu, as well as high football IQ, from the old man. Man coverage is more Wu-tang than zone coverage. Prototype slot man with some boundary kung fu. Poor man's Asante Samuel.

2. Baron Browning, ILB, THE Ohio State: 6-3 240. 4.56 40. 10 Wonderlic. Athletic and atheistic gangsta whose Kung Fu includes playing both the run and the pass. Can blitz, too. Poor man's KJ Wright.

3. Cameron McGrone, ILB, Michigan: 6-1 236, 4.4 40. 25 Wonderlic. Youtube vids depict a fast and physical gangsta. Wu-Tang enough in pass coverage? Time will tell. Poor man's Roquan Smith.

4. Israel Mukuamu, CB, South Carolina: 6-4 212, 4.39 40. 44 Wonderlic. Holds an African-African surname, so high Wonderlic ain't a surprise. Love futbol? Or merely seeking to milk NFL pigs for a few seasons til med school comes a-calling? Poor man's Richard Sherman.

5. Kellen Mond, QB, Texas AM: 6-3 215. 4.56 40. 27 Wonderlic. Poor man's Dak Prescott.

5. Reed Blankenship, S, Middle Tennesse: 6-0 210. 4.52 40. 34 Wonderlic. Make safety white again. Aggressive and instinctive. Wore #12 in college. With the NFL relaxing its numbering rules, give the man the #12 Green and Musta Yella. Poor man's John Lynch.

6. Chris Evans, RB, Michigan: 5-10 215. 4.40. 33 Wonderlic. Captain America.

6. Jaelon Darden, WR, North Texas 5-8 175. 4.46 40. 22 Wonderlic. Slot machine.

7. Quinton Bohanna, DT, Kentucky 6-4 354. 7.2 40. 26 Wonderlic. Sorry, did not have time to research this Yokozuna. Gotta get the beauty sleep in. Waking up at 3 PM for a poker session. Flip burgers at 10 PM.


. . . and Jessa Rhodes calls me up out of the blue to tell me she wants to have sex with me immediately. She offers to fly me out to the Bahamas and stay in a five-star hotel, and she brings her three best hot porn friends, too.

Yeah, that's the ticket.

[jklowan]

This has a shot at actually happening now

[bobblehead]

This has a shot at actually happening now

The fritz and Jessa thing or the Rodgers to the Jets thing?

[jklowan]

pretty sure she wants nothing to do with an old man unless he's loaded sorry Fritz

[red]

eh, like most porn stars, they really start to look like they're 50 as soon as they hit 23 or 24

[run pMc]

Thanks APB, this was comedy gold.
Love the comparisons, and also that your final pick ran a 7.2 40.