chewy-bacca
10-20-2006, 08:10 AM
Lamar Thomas' outburst during the Comcast broadcast of the Miami-Florida International fracas Saturday was wildly inappropriate. You can't do that on television. Had he said "I don't know" at any point in the broadcast, he would have gotten a head full of green slime.
But the righteous indignation over his monologue -- and the fight, for that matter -- has been a little too much. I've received several phone calls from friends who saw the brawl, and all of them sounded like Thomas did. They found the fight to be entertaining -- and they weren't alone. The networks didn't run that clip on loop to stoke moral outrage, dig?
One of the following is true -- Thomas is a dude who enjoys a good fight, or he's the type who loves to talk about getting into fights, particularly when he knows there is no chance he'll be anywhere near the action. It's his right to be either kind of guy, but he was dumb as a sack of hammers to say those things on the air. It was a real-life example of Dave Chappelle's "When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong" sketches. It was a moment of unbridled honesty, both too refreshing and too foolish for the airwaves.
But it was unforgettable.
Right or wrong, Page 2 would have loved to hear Thomas' candid color commentary during some other moments in sports history. So we went into the memory banks to ask: What Would Lamar Say?
Aug. 4, 1993, Arlington Stadium
Robin Ventura charges the mound against 46-year-old Nolan Ryan. Ryan puts Ventura in a headlock and punches him several times in the face and head.
What Would Lamar Say?
"I'm totally appalled by what I just saw. I cannot believe it.
"How's he lettin' that old man whup his ass like that? Look at that, man. He's beatin' that dude like he's his daddy. He might as well go all the way, take his belt off and spank him.
"Robin Ventura needs to remember that this is on TV. His kids are home watchin' this. They're going to get teased at school tomorrow because of this.
"I wish that old man would have thrown a ball at me. I'd have laid his old ass out. Matter of fact, show me to the elevator."
Oct. 11, 2003, Fenway Park
In the midst of a bench-clearing incident, Yankees third base coach Don Zimmer charges Pedro Martinez, who threatened to hit a Yankees batter in the head with a pitch.
What Would Lamar Say?
"That's what you get, old man. Bouncin' across the field like you wanted some. And you know you ain't want none. Gotta be smarter than that. Everyone knows how dangerous it is fighting a man with a Jheri curl. You can't get a hold of 'em cuz they so slippery. But more than that, a man with a curl is a man that's always ready to fight. You gotta be nice with your hands if you're gonna sport a played-out hairstyle.
"And you still ran up on Pedro like that? Just be glad it wasn't me. Woulda got your hip broken."
June 17, 1994, San Diego Freeway
O.J. Simpson, while a "fugitive from justice," drives down the San Diego Freeway at low speeds while police officers follow him.
What Would Lamar Say?
"See, this is a tough situation. The NBA Finals are kinda boring this year, so it's good to take a break from them. But man, he ain't 'bout to do nothing to himself. He's rollin' with his boy going 35 miles per hour. There is nothing to see here. This ain't no chase, and ain't nothin' about to happen. People don't ride around with guns talking about doing something to themselves like that. They just do it. He needed some attention, and y'all gave it to him. Suckers.
"If he woulda called me, I'd have just said, 'What you waitin' on? Handle that.' And he wouldn't do nothin'. I'm telling you, that's how this is gonna go.
Nov. 19, 2004, The Palace of Auburn Hills
Players and fans do battle in one of the ugliest moments in NBA history.
What Would Lamar Say?
"Oh man, Artest must be crazy going into the crowd like that. I like the way those fans in the first row handled him, though. Cats was in there gettin' shots on him. They wasn't scared. They knew he was crazy, and they still put them thangs on him. Much respect.
"But those fans higher up? No respect. I mean, they took care of Fred Jones, but they were acting like Stephen Jackson was Sonny Liston or something. Looked like he was one of the dudes from 'Double Dragon' the way he was handling those fools.
"I guarantee you this -- had Jackson run up in the crowd at the OB, he wouldn't have made it out. Man, I would have jumped in there and made him taste my facemask. Bet he'd think twice before he disrespected the OB again. The 305 don't play!
Any golf tournament
At one of a few jillion tour stops, someone takes a picture during Tiger Woods' backswing, drawing Tiger's ire.
What Would Lamar Say?
"Tiger keeps screaming at these people for taking pictures. It doesn't work, though. They keep taking pictures, and he keeps getting mad. But that's his fault. He's not holding down his territory. When he gets on the course, he's gotta treat it like his own. He's gotta hold down the tee box like the Canes hold down the OB. If somebody took a picture of me while I was runnin' a route, I'd handle that. 'Cuz you can't be coming into the OB just taking pictures, baby! You do that, you should leave with your behind beat."
Oct. 31, 2004, Lincoln Financial Field
After scoring a touchdown against the vaunted Ravens defense, Eagles receiver Terrell Owens does an imitation of Ray Lewis' trademark dance.
What Would Lamar Say?
"I've got no beef with T.O. doing that dance. But I just wanna know how Ray Lewis is gonna let somebody clown him like that. Boys from The U don't tolerate that. T.O. even might have done Ray's dance better than he does it. But when somebody does your dance better than you, you gotta run in the end zone and challenge him. You step to him like a man and you show him that you can move. You show him that you must be jelly, know what I mean?
"But I tell you this -- T.O. wouldn't have tried that mess if it was in the OB. I would have got on the elevator, called The Rock and told him to meet me and Ray Ray on the field. Then we would have done a couple dances from 'House Party' or something."
this got my day going. :lol:
But the righteous indignation over his monologue -- and the fight, for that matter -- has been a little too much. I've received several phone calls from friends who saw the brawl, and all of them sounded like Thomas did. They found the fight to be entertaining -- and they weren't alone. The networks didn't run that clip on loop to stoke moral outrage, dig?
One of the following is true -- Thomas is a dude who enjoys a good fight, or he's the type who loves to talk about getting into fights, particularly when he knows there is no chance he'll be anywhere near the action. It's his right to be either kind of guy, but he was dumb as a sack of hammers to say those things on the air. It was a real-life example of Dave Chappelle's "When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong" sketches. It was a moment of unbridled honesty, both too refreshing and too foolish for the airwaves.
But it was unforgettable.
Right or wrong, Page 2 would have loved to hear Thomas' candid color commentary during some other moments in sports history. So we went into the memory banks to ask: What Would Lamar Say?
Aug. 4, 1993, Arlington Stadium
Robin Ventura charges the mound against 46-year-old Nolan Ryan. Ryan puts Ventura in a headlock and punches him several times in the face and head.
What Would Lamar Say?
"I'm totally appalled by what I just saw. I cannot believe it.
"How's he lettin' that old man whup his ass like that? Look at that, man. He's beatin' that dude like he's his daddy. He might as well go all the way, take his belt off and spank him.
"Robin Ventura needs to remember that this is on TV. His kids are home watchin' this. They're going to get teased at school tomorrow because of this.
"I wish that old man would have thrown a ball at me. I'd have laid his old ass out. Matter of fact, show me to the elevator."
Oct. 11, 2003, Fenway Park
In the midst of a bench-clearing incident, Yankees third base coach Don Zimmer charges Pedro Martinez, who threatened to hit a Yankees batter in the head with a pitch.
What Would Lamar Say?
"That's what you get, old man. Bouncin' across the field like you wanted some. And you know you ain't want none. Gotta be smarter than that. Everyone knows how dangerous it is fighting a man with a Jheri curl. You can't get a hold of 'em cuz they so slippery. But more than that, a man with a curl is a man that's always ready to fight. You gotta be nice with your hands if you're gonna sport a played-out hairstyle.
"And you still ran up on Pedro like that? Just be glad it wasn't me. Woulda got your hip broken."
June 17, 1994, San Diego Freeway
O.J. Simpson, while a "fugitive from justice," drives down the San Diego Freeway at low speeds while police officers follow him.
What Would Lamar Say?
"See, this is a tough situation. The NBA Finals are kinda boring this year, so it's good to take a break from them. But man, he ain't 'bout to do nothing to himself. He's rollin' with his boy going 35 miles per hour. There is nothing to see here. This ain't no chase, and ain't nothin' about to happen. People don't ride around with guns talking about doing something to themselves like that. They just do it. He needed some attention, and y'all gave it to him. Suckers.
"If he woulda called me, I'd have just said, 'What you waitin' on? Handle that.' And he wouldn't do nothin'. I'm telling you, that's how this is gonna go.
Nov. 19, 2004, The Palace of Auburn Hills
Players and fans do battle in one of the ugliest moments in NBA history.
What Would Lamar Say?
"Oh man, Artest must be crazy going into the crowd like that. I like the way those fans in the first row handled him, though. Cats was in there gettin' shots on him. They wasn't scared. They knew he was crazy, and they still put them thangs on him. Much respect.
"But those fans higher up? No respect. I mean, they took care of Fred Jones, but they were acting like Stephen Jackson was Sonny Liston or something. Looked like he was one of the dudes from 'Double Dragon' the way he was handling those fools.
"I guarantee you this -- had Jackson run up in the crowd at the OB, he wouldn't have made it out. Man, I would have jumped in there and made him taste my facemask. Bet he'd think twice before he disrespected the OB again. The 305 don't play!
Any golf tournament
At one of a few jillion tour stops, someone takes a picture during Tiger Woods' backswing, drawing Tiger's ire.
What Would Lamar Say?
"Tiger keeps screaming at these people for taking pictures. It doesn't work, though. They keep taking pictures, and he keeps getting mad. But that's his fault. He's not holding down his territory. When he gets on the course, he's gotta treat it like his own. He's gotta hold down the tee box like the Canes hold down the OB. If somebody took a picture of me while I was runnin' a route, I'd handle that. 'Cuz you can't be coming into the OB just taking pictures, baby! You do that, you should leave with your behind beat."
Oct. 31, 2004, Lincoln Financial Field
After scoring a touchdown against the vaunted Ravens defense, Eagles receiver Terrell Owens does an imitation of Ray Lewis' trademark dance.
What Would Lamar Say?
"I've got no beef with T.O. doing that dance. But I just wanna know how Ray Lewis is gonna let somebody clown him like that. Boys from The U don't tolerate that. T.O. even might have done Ray's dance better than he does it. But when somebody does your dance better than you, you gotta run in the end zone and challenge him. You step to him like a man and you show him that you can move. You show him that you must be jelly, know what I mean?
"But I tell you this -- T.O. wouldn't have tried that mess if it was in the OB. I would have got on the elevator, called The Rock and told him to meet me and Ray Ray on the field. Then we would have done a couple dances from 'House Party' or something."
this got my day going. :lol: