Too funny - Dogs VS Cats Daily Diary

[GrnBay007]

This is old, but I came across it today and had a good laugh once again.


EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY:

8:00 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 a.m. Wow! A car ride! This is a blast!
9:40 a.m. A walk in the park! Ate some crap...Delicious!
10:30 a.m. Getting rubbed and petted! I' m in love!
12:00 p.m. Lunch! Yummy!
1:00 p.m. Playing in the yard! I just love it!
3:00 p.m. Staring adoringly at my masters...they're the best! I'll wag my
tail in joy.
4:00 p.m. Hooray! The kids are home! I'm bouncing off the walls!
5:00 p.m. Milk bones! Great!
7:00 p.m. Get to play ball! This is too good to be true!
8:00 p.m. Wow! Watching TV with my master! Heavenly!
11:00 p.m. Sleeping at the bottom of my master's bed! Life is soooooooo
great!

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY:

Day 683 of My Captivity:
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed
hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the
rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to
keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of
escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on the floor.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending
comments about what a ''good little hunter'' I am. The audacity!! There
was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in
solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear
the noise and smell the food. I over heard that my confinement was due to
my power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it
to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
again tomorrow-- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the
other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special
privileges. He is regularly released--and he seems more than willing to
return! He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant-- I
observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he
reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for
him in an elevated cell, so he is safe-- for now. But I can wait. For it
is only a matter of time.

:P

[oregonpackfan]

That cat's diary is much too sophisticated for our family's cat. Her cat diary is this:

6:00 a.m. Humans are stirring. Time to meow to be fed.

6:15 finally fed. What took those slow humans so long?

6:20 a.m. demand that windown shade be raised 1 foot high so that I can lay on window sill and scan the world.

8:00 a.m. Switch locations to couch. Try to rest.

11:00 a.m. Switch locations to oldest daughter's bed to rest. I love it that she doesn't make the bed until the afternoon.


2:30 p.m. youngest human daughter home from middle school. Pet me while I do the obligatory purr.

2:45 p.m. rest on the padded chair in the dining room.

5:00 p.m. demand to be fed. Geez, what is it with those humans moving so slow!?

5:20 p.m. lay on couch. Move when humans finish their meal.

8:00 p.m. sit on adult human lap while she watches TV

10:00 p.m. Go to sleep in special padded bed. What an exhausting day!

[Charles Woodson]

Man these were toooo muchhh

[BallHawk]

All my cats do is sleep and hunt lizards and leaves on the patio. Yes, they hunt leaves and it is possibly the most entertaining part of my day.