Random SB stuff

[Freak Out]

Here is a funny Dave Barry story...

Tailgating Terrorists, and Other Super Bowl Worries

By Dave Barry
Friday, February 2, 2007; C07

MIAMI

Put down your drink and listen up, South Florida, because it is time to talk Super Bowl security.

It is a known fact that the Super Bowl is a major target for terrorism. The terrorists HATE the Super Bowl, because (a) it is a symbol of corrupt Western decadence, and (b) the terrorists lost a giant bet in 2004 when the Patriots failed to cover the spread.

So we have every reason to believe the terrorists will try to attack this Super Bowl. In fact, it can now be revealed that they have ALREADY MADE ONE ATTEMPT.

Yes. On Wednesday, a group of terrorists flew into Miami International Airport Construction Zone, carrying a large quantity of powerful explosives, which they were able to get onto their plane because they put them in clear, one-quart, zip-top plastic bags, in accordance with Transportation Safety Administration rules.

"These guys really knew what they were doing," a TSA spokesperson said. "They also removed their shoes."

The terrorists then rented a car and were headed toward Originally Joe Robbie Stadium when they made a fatal mistake: They tried to get through the Golden Glades Interchange.

"They never had a chance," a police source said. "We picked them up in Atlanta."

So we got lucky that time. But the danger has not passed, which is why police are asking all South Floridians to be on the lookout for persons exhibiting unusual behavior, such as signaling turns, or having car insurance. Also, if you are planning to go to the Super Bowl game on Sunday, be aware that additional security measures will be in effect, as follows:

WHEN TO ARRIVE: All persons attending the game MUST arrive at the stadium no later than 7:45 a.m. yesterday. There will be NO EXCEPTIONS. I am talking to you, Prince.

PERSONAL BELONGINGS: Fans will not be allowed to take anything into the stadium except medically required organs. If you need, for example, both of your kidneys, you will be required to produce a note from your doctor, as well as your actual doctor.

TAILGATING: There will be no tailgating. This is to thwart the terrorists, who are believed to have been planning a tailgate-based attack (code name "Death Hibachi") involving the detonation of a nuclear bratwurst capable of leveling South Florida, if South Florida were not already so level to begin with.

TALKING: There will be no talking.

PERMITTED CHEERS: The National Football League, in conjunction with the Department of Homeland Security, the FBI, the CIA and Vice President Cheney, has approved the following three cheers for use during the game: (1) "You suck, ref!" (2) "Come on, (Name of Team)!" (3) "You suck, Prince!"

AIR TRAFFIC: Any aircraft attempting to fly into or out of South Florida on Sunday will be shot down by the U.S. Air Force. Asked if this would apply to commercial flights, security officials replied, "Hey, this is the Super Bowl."

THE GAME: For security reasons, the actual game will be played at a secret military facility in the New Mexico desert. This is just as well, since there really wasn't any way to use the field at Originally Stadium, which is booked solid with the pregame, halftime and postgame extravaganzas. Besides, as NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell pointed out in his official news conference, "the game usually sucks anyway."

PARTY UPDATE: The hottest party in town will take place Saturday night at the New Arena Built Right Next to the Other Fairly New Arena. It will be hosted by Playboy inventor Hugh Hefner, who kind of reminds me of Fidel Castro, in the sense that, when you see a photograph of him, you ask yourself, "I wonder if he was alive when that was taken." Anyway, Hugh's hosting a lavish bash (theme: "Thank God for Viagra") and invitations are almost impossible to get, although some are still available free from the office of U.S. Rep. Tom Tancredo, who will be at the party serving mojitos. Give Tom a call! Tell him I sent you.

2007Dave Barry Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services

[Freak Out]

Got to throw some Tank stuff out.

Under Interrogation, Bears' Johnson Rests His Defense

By Les Carpenter
Washington Post Staff Writer
Friday, February 2, 2007; E01

MIAMI, Feb. 1 -- By Thursday morning, Tank Johnson had become tired of being the face of all that is wrong with football and society, so he walked into the last day of his Super Bowl penance with a scowl that wanted nothing to do with the day, maybe even the week. Gone were the sunglasses that had shielded him from any meaningful expression, along with the story of spiritual redemption he spilled on Tuesday. It was as if he thought he needed neither of them anymore.

One more day remained before the Bears' defensive tackle never had to talk about his three arrests in 18 months -- the most recent on Dec. 14, when police raided his home outside Chicago and found six guns and ammunition -- and the potential of jail. The room was mostly empty, no TV cameras around. He didn't have to be on his best behavior anymore.

He wore his Bears jersey, carried a backpack and sighed deeply as he walked to his assigned table. Then, without uttering a word, he picked up a bottle of water on the table, ambled to a nearby parking lot and emptied the water onto the pavement until the bottle was empty and could suffice as a makeshift spittoon. The most besieged player this week in Miami opened his mouth, plopped in a plug of tobacco and, properly fortified, sat down to resume his interrogation over the list of transgressions that has many wishing he would not be a part of this week.

Which meant he said nothing.

Has this been his hardest week?

He looked away.

Has he watched tapes of himself in the other media sessions?

No reply.

Does he recognize himself in the flood of newspaper stories, magazine articles and nightly news reports that have poured from here wondering how a professional football player, having violated probation on earlier gun charges and under house arrest, could be allowed to be here?

Johnson turned his head, looked out to some distant place past the parking lot. Then turned his head back again.

"No," he said.

Then he offered the same dismissal of his situation that he did earlier in the week, back when he was besieged and begging to talk about Peyton Manning and his ability to tear apart defenses.

"It is what it is," he mumbled.

Almost every year now there is a Tank Johnson at the Super Bowl, a player whose misdeeds in the previous months have made him enough of a nuisance that he gets his own special interrogation before the sport's biggest game. He sits at a table or sometimes a dais, surrounded by a fleet of public relations officials, gazes into the lights and answers anywhere from 15 to 30 questions about whatever transgression, usually engaging in a form of damage control.

There was Denver Broncos linebacker Bill Romanowski in 1998, just weeks after spitting in the face of San Francisco 49ers wide receiver J.J. Stokes, saying, "After that game I was like, 'God, what did I just do?' "

There was St. Louis Rams defensive end Leonard Little in 2000, less than two years after the drunken-driving accident that led to his involuntary manslaughter plea. He fidgeted on his feet as he said, "I'll have to live with this the rest of my life."

The next year, the Baltimore Ravens' Ray Lewis answered questions about a murder he had been charged with committing at the previous Super Bowl. Lewis, who pleaded guilty to obstruction of justice in exchange for the murder charge being dropped shortly after his trial began in May 2000, called himself a victim in the crime and bristled when the questions kept coming up.

Johnson, who was arrested in December after police stormed his home and found a stash of weapons and then saw his good friend and bodyguard shot to death at a nightclub the next day, was blasted after he said earlier this week that the coverage of his troubles was "overblown" and that his Christian faith had gotten him through the troubles. When he said center Olin Kreutz, who has broken a teammate's jaw in a fight on two separate occasions, was his role model, people howled.

Many openly expressed shock that a Cook County judge lifted his house arrest, allowing him to travel to the game. Johnson had been suspended for the Bears' Dec. 24 game at Detroit and had played the entire playoffs at home, never needing court approval to play until last week.

Maybe all that had gotten to him. Maybe he tired of telling people that he didn't want to go out at night this whole week in Miami. His suggestion that he has been taking his lunches at a nearby Subway drew snickers. By Thursday, he wanted nothing to do with his troubles. Any questions about them were met with an icy stare and a little else.

It has been pointed out that the Bears gave up an average of 26 points in the two games he missed this year -- a fact that can't go without mention when wondering why this trouble was all worth it for him and his team. Thursday he closed his eyes, shook his head and refused to discuss his problems. So did the rest of the Bears, for the most part.

"The Tank situation for us has been over," said defensive end Adewale Ogunleye. "I was surprised to see how it has gone on since we arrived here. But maybe that's my naive side I guess. We've been done with it, the coaches are done with it."

But the "Tank situation" did not go away Thursday. It probably won't go away Sunday or in the ensuing weeks, when he faces his 10 charges on gun possession. That reality seemed to hit Tank Johnson on Thursday.

And he had nothing to say about it.

[Freak Out]

Here is a good write up of the technology behind the NFL television broadcast.

http://arstechnica.com/articles/culture/firstandten.ars