Favorite TV/Movie Quote

[Charles Woodson]

The office: Thats what she said

[Brando19]

The Truman Show: Good morning! And in case I don't see you...good afternoon, good evening, and good night.

Dumb and Dumber: I desperately want to make love to a school boy.

[Iron Mike]

http://www.portfolio.mvm.ed.ac.uk/studentwebs/homepages/0126787/Goldfinger%20Laser.jpg



James Bond: Do you expect me to talk?
Auric Goldfinger: No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to die.

[Partial]

"Crime called in sick; I like that"

[mraynrand]

"We have that question under scrutinization, and if such scrutinization yeilds negative, I feel we must maximize our efforts."

-General Maynard M. Mitchell, M*A*S*H

[SkinBasket]

Fight Club.

Tyler: "Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken."

[mraynrand]

"Beatin' guys up makes you hungry"
"Do you feel that's an appropriate subject for a school newspaper"
"It's the 20th century, Dad."
"The first thing they do is shut down the press and imprison the intellectuals."
"I loved your essay on the clitoris! I showed it to my mother"
"I ain't no fuckin' Indian, that's just something I made up"
"Well, 11:00. Another day down the tubes never to return"
"I'm dying Mr. Tanneran. Just like that girl in the poem. Only faster. And with a hard-on."

Vision Quest

[Zool]

"Its an .88 magnum. It shoots through schools"

[SkinBasket]

"Its an .88 magnum. It shoots through schools"

Where's that from?

[Zool]

Johnny Dangerously

[Freak Out]

"Death to all who oppose us!"

Heavy Metal.

[mraynrand]

This isn't a direct quote, but it's an attempt to recapture a soliloquy by Howard Cossell as he said adieu to Oscar Madison and Felix Unger at the end an Odd Couple episode:

"And so another long day's journey into night for the gifted one when he had to surmount the mediocrities around him; but at least on this occassion, it was exposed to the entire public the utter paucity of talent of a given sportswriter and a given photographer. Fare thee well friends, I could never gracefully bow."

[red]

"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get."

-Homer J. Simpson

[Charles Woodson]

Ice cream? when the fuck did we get ice cream? -The ringer

[mraynrand]

"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get."

-Homer J. Simpson

"Well, boy, you tried and you failed. The lesson is: Never try."

-Homer J. Simpson

[red]

"Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way. "

"I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around. "

"Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such. "

"I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman. "

"To alcohol: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems. "

- Homer J. Simpson

theres just so many classics

[mraynrand]

"You guys have it real easy. I never had it like this where I grew up. But I send my kids here because the fact is you go to one of the best schools in the country: Rushmore. Now, for some of you it doesn't matter. You were born rich and you're going to stay rich. But here's my advice to the rest of you: Take dead aim on the rich boys. Get them in the crosshairs and take them down. Just remember, they can buy anything but they can't buy backbone. Don't let them forget it. Thank you."

Herman Blume (Rushmore) ("I paid for the goddamn natatorium, the least the little pricks can do is hear me out!")

[red]

hmm, i don't know the direct quote but, something like

"she was one girl that fell off the top of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down"

- matt damon, saving private ryan

[red]

mallrats lol

Brandie: Second suitor, would you ever make whoopie in public?
Brodie: I already did once today! But my cousin Walter jerked off in public once. True story. He was on this plane to New Mexico when all of the sudden the hydraulics went. The plane starts spinning around, going out of control, so he figures it's all over and whips it out and starts beating it right there. So all the other passengers take a cue from him and they start whipping it out and beating like mad! So all the passengers are beating off, plummeting to their certain doom, when all of the sudden, the hydraulics kick back in. The plane rights itself and they land safely and everyone puts their penises or, whatever, you know, away and deboard. No one mentions the phenomenon to anyone else.
Gill: Well, did he cum, or what?
Brodie: Jesus Christ, man! There's just some things you don't talk about in public!

---------------------------

william after staring at the magic eye picture of a sailboat for hours

little kids steps ups, and in seconds: oh look a scooner

willam : ha ha, you dumb bastard, its not a scooner. its a sailboat

little boy: a scooner is a sailboat, stupid head

willam (very upset, yelling): you know what? there is no easter bunny. over there, thats just a guy in a suit

[mraynrand]

"Look, you're my best friend, so don't take this the wrong way. In twenty years, if you're still livin' here, comin' over to my house to watch the Patriots games, still workin' construction, I'll fuckin' kill you. That's not a threat. Now, that's a fact. I'll fuckin' kill you."

Chuckie in Goodwill Hunting

[mraynrand]

"Why shouldn't I work for the N.S.A.? That's a tough one, but I'll give it a shot. Say I'm working at N.S.A. Somebody puts a code on my desk, something nobody else can break. So I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I'm real happy with myself, 'cause I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East. Once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels were hiding and fifteen hundred people I never had a problem with get killed. Now the politicians are sayin', "Send in the marines to secure the area" 'cause they don't give a shit. It won't be their kid over there, gettin' shot. Just like it wasn't them when their number was called, 'cause they were pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some guy from Southie takin' shrapnel in the ass. And he comes home to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job, 'cause he'll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile my buddy from Southie realizes the only reason he was over there was so we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price. And of course the oil companies used the skirmish to scare up oil prices so they could turn a quick buck. A cute little ancillary benefit for them but it ain't helping my buddy at two-fifty a gallon. And naturally they're takin' their sweet time bringin' the oil back, and maybe even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and play slalom with the icebergs, and it ain't too long 'til he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic. So my buddy's out of work and he can't afford to drive, so he's got to walk to the job interviews, which sucks 'cause the shrapnel in his ass is givin' him chronic hemorrhoids. And meanwhile he's starvin' 'cause every time he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate special they're servin' is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what do I think? I'm holdin' out for somethin' better. Why not just shoot my buddy, take his job and give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected president."


Will from the same movie (pretty much defines the liberal worldview, but there's some truth to it.)

[mraynrand]

more 'hunting':

"You know, I was on this plane once. And I'm sittin' there and the captain comes on and he does his whole, "We'll be cruising at 35,000 feet," then he puts the mike down but he forgets to turn it off. Then he turns to the copilot and goes, "You know, all I could go for right now is a fuckin' blow job and a cup of coffee." So the stewardess fuckin' goes bombin' up from the back of the plane to tell him the mic's still on, and this guy behind me goes, "Hey hon, don't forget the coffee!" "

[red]

"You're right Teddy, the ace didn't help. I flopped a nut straight."

- rounders

[red]

"Why shouldn't I work for the N.S.A.? That's a tough one, but I'll give it a shot. Say I'm working at N.S.A. Somebody puts a code on my desk, something nobody else can break. So I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I'm real happy with myself, 'cause I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East. Once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels were hiding and fifteen hundred people I never had a problem with get killed. Now the politicians are sayin', "Send in the marines to secure the area" 'cause they don't give a shit. It won't be their kid over there, gettin' shot. Just like it wasn't them when their number was called, 'cause they were pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some guy from Southie takin' shrapnel in the ass. And he comes home to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job, 'cause he'll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile my buddy from Southie realizes the only reason he was over there was so we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price. And of course the oil companies used the skirmish to scare up oil prices so they could turn a quick buck. A cute little ancillary benefit for them but it ain't helping my buddy at two-fifty a gallon. And naturally they're takin' their sweet time bringin' the oil back, and maybe even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and play slalom with the icebergs, and it ain't too long 'til he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic. So my buddy's out of work and he can't afford to drive, so he's got to walk to the job interviews, which sucks 'cause the shrapnel in his ass is givin' him chronic hemorrhoids. And meanwhile he's starvin' 'cause every time he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate special they're servin' is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what do I think? I'm holdin' out for somethin' better. Why not just shoot my buddy, take his job and give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected president."


Will from the same movie (pretty much defines the liberal worldview, but there's some truth to it.)

that ones a classic

[mraynrand]

Life of Brian

"He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy!"

"How shall we fuck off, O Lord?"

" All right, no one is to stone anyone until I blow this whistle!"

Stan: It's every man's right to have babies if he wants them.
Reg: But you can't have babies.
Stan: Don't you oppress me.
Reg: I'm not oppressing you, Stan! You haven't got a womb! Where's the fetus going to gestate? You going to keep it in a box?

[red]

ok, time to reach into the special basket and pull out the big guns

WARNING: GRAPHIC LANGUAGE!!!!!!!!!!!

from: The Big Lebowski

The Dude: God damn you Walter! You fuckin' asshole! Everything's a fuckin' travesty with you, man! And what was all that shit about Vietnam? What the FUCK, has anything got to do with Vietnam? What the fuck are you talking about?

-------------------------------------

Walter Sobchak: DO YOU SEE LARRY? DO YOU SEE? This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!


----------------------------------------

The Dude: Walter, what is the point? Look, we all know who is at fault here, what the fuck are you talking about?
Walter Sobchak: Huh? No, what the fuck are you... I'm not... We're talking about unchecked aggression here, dude.
Donny: What the fuck is he talking about?
The Dude: My rug.
Walter Sobchak: Forget it, Donny, you're out of your element!
The Dude: Walter, the chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill, so what the fuck are you talking about?
Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talking about? The chinaman is not the issue here, Dude. I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line, you DO NOT... Also, Dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please.
The Dude: Walter, this isn't a guy who built the fucking railroads here. This is a guy...
Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talking about?
The Dude: Walter, he peed on my rug!
Donny: He peed on the Dude's rug.
Walter Sobchak: Donny you're out of your element!

-------------------------

and of course there the scene that mad was in

in heavy spanish accent

Jesus Quintana: What's this day of rest shit? What's this bullshit? I don't fuckin' care! It don't matter to Jesus. But you're not foolin' me, man. You might fool the fucks in the league office, but you don't fool Jesus. This bush league psyche-out stuff. Laughable, man - ha ha! I would have fucked you in the ass Saturday. I fuck you in the ass next Wednesday instead. Wooo! You got a date Wednesday, baby!

-------------------------------

The Dude: Fuckin' Quintana... that creep can roll, man.
Walter Sobchak: Yeah, but he's a pervert, Dude.
The Dude: Yeah.
Walter Sobchak: No, he's a sex offender. With a record. He served 6 months in Chino for exposing himself to an eight year old.
The Dude: Oh!
Walter Sobchak: When he moved to Hollywood he had to go door to door to tell everyone he was a pederast.
Donny: What's a... pederast, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny.


Jesus Quintana: You ready to be fucked, man? I see you rolled your way into the semis. Dios mio, man. Liam and me, we're gonna fuck you up.
The Dude: Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man.
Jesus Quintana: Let me tell you something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you, stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger 'til it goes "click."
The Dude: Jesus.
Jesus Quintana: You said it, man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus.
Walter Sobchak: Eight-year-olds, Dude.

[red]

Life of Brian

"He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy!"

"How shall we fuck off, O Lord?"

" All right, no one is to stone anyone until I blow this whistle!"

Stan: It's every man's right to have babies if he wants them.
Reg: But you can't have babies.
Stan: Don't you oppress me.
Reg: I'm not oppressing you, Stan! You haven't got a womb! Where's the fetus going to gestate? You going to keep it in a box?

haha

another of my favorites, love this movie

Brian: I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand? Honestly!

Girl: Only the true Messiah denies His divinity.

Brian: What? Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right! I am the Messiah!

Followers: He is! He is the Messiah!

Brian: Now, fuck off!

[silence]

Arthur: How shall we fuck off, O Lord?

[mraynrand]

Brian: "You're all different"
Crowd: "Yes! we're all different!"
Loner: "I'm not."

[hurleyfan]

"You want the truth?"

"I think I deserve the truth"

"YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"

[Freak Out]

"Every sperm is sacred sperm"

[BallHawk]

From "Thank You For Smoking"

Stepdad: Nick, your job and everything aside, I hope you understand that second hand smoke's a real killer.

Kid's Biological Dad: What are you talking about?

Stepdad: I just hope you're providing a smoke-free environment for Joey is all I'm saying.

Kid's Biological Dad: Brad, I'm his father. You're the guy fucking his mom.