Bretsky
05-11-2007, 10:07 PM
Pull that leisure suit out of the mothballs.
Dust off the eight-track player.
It's time to turn back the clock.
Well, maybe not that far.
Let's take a quick gander back to the thrilling days of yesteryear. The year was 1990. OK. It might not have been that thrilling.
Judge for yourself while stumbling down Memory Lane. These were some of the highlights from that year:
• John McEnroe became the first player ever expelled from the Australian Open after he swears at the umpire, supervisor and referee. McEnroe swearing? You can't be serious.
• The NFC beat the AFC, 27-21, in the Pro Bowl.
• Steve Briers of Wales recited the entire lyrics of Queen's album "A Night At The Opera" in 9 minutes, 58.44 seconds backward. Apparently Steve had a lot of time on his hands.
• Mikhail S. Gorbachev became president of the Soviet Congress.
• The final episode of Pat Sajak's late-night TV show airs on CBS. Thousands groaned.
• Angela Bowie revealed that ex-husband David Bowie slept with Mick Jagger. We didn't need to know that.
• Burger King began using Newman's Own Salad Dressing. Now that's good eating.
• A baseball game between the Brewers and the Blue Jays was delayed 35 minutes due to gnats.
• Producers confirmed that Milli Vanilla didn't sing on their album. Millions of tears were shed.
And last, but certainly not least:
• Michael Haddix leads the Green Bay Packers in rushing with a grand total of 311 yards.
Now let's go back to the future.
With Marshawn Lynch paying rent in Buffalo and Ahman Green counting his greenbacks in Houston, the Packers are back in the Haddix Zone as far as toting the hogbladder goes.
This mark of a team-high 311 yards could come tumbling down with the motley crew that will be taking the handoffs from Brett Favre.
At this point in time, the Packers do not have an official depth chart. That's all well and good since they appear to be in the depths of despair at running back. If the season were to start tomorrow, and thank goodness it doesn't, Vernand Morency would be the starter. There were times that this young man looked very capable. But Kenny Jay was very capable, too.
Next on the list is Noah Herron. Last year, the Packers media guide said that Herron, "has all the tools to evolve into a back that can register his own 1,000-yard seasons and 100-yard games." You can't make this stuff up.
Then there's Arliss Beach . . . at least until mid-August.
Moving right along we find one P.J. Pope, who led the Chicago Bears in rushing last year during the fake games. He got a ticket out of town, but Rex Grossman still works in the Windy City. Life is so strange.
Brandon Jackson, who was a second-round pick, started just 11 games in college at Nebraska. At least he's well-rested.
The most interesting candidate is DeShawn Wynn. His pro career is not exactly off and running. He pulled up lame after the first little soiree for rookies and got the rest of the weekend off.
Wynn, of course, was described by one scout as follows: "I think he's a fat guy waiting to happen." The women and children might want to take cover if this young man ever tries a Lambeau Leap.
These are the men who will chase that dubious mark of 311 yards. It might be one of the most difficult records in pro sports to top.
But if one of them is worthy, there is already a working title available for the team's highlight video.
OTHER TIDBITS
Steve Rosenbloom on his Chicago Tribune blog: "The Packers offered a fifth-round pick for Randy Moss. The Patriots got him with a fourth-rounder. Now, of course, the Packers GM is getting criticized for not acquiring a gutless, selfish wideout who eventually kills every team he's on." . . .
Greg Easterbrook for ESPN.com "Keyshawn Johnson did well for a novice sportscaster, but also garnered the best garbled comment of the weekend's coverage. As Green Bay's pick approached and all speculation was on Brady Quinn as Brett Favre's successor, Keyshawn gushed, 'Quinn could lead the Packers into the next millennium.' Keyshawn, the next millennium starts in 994 years." . . .
Michael Ventre for MSNBC.com: "If Mel Kiper Jr.'s hair and Donald Trump's hair had a fight, who would win? I don't know, but I'm sure Don King's hair would love to promote it." . . .
David Thomas of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram: "I thought Mel Kiper Jr.'s hair was going to cave in before Brady Quinn got picked. I'm not saying the NFL draft proceeds at the pace of a snail on crutches, but Takeru Kobayashi can eat 53 hot dogs faster than one team can select the player it wanted all along." . . .
Scott Ostler for MSNBC.com: "I'm just hoping that on draft day there's not some tragic mix-up in a TV dressing room somewhere and Mel Kiper Jr. and Sam Donaldson don't somehow wind up with the other guy's hair." . . .
From David Letterman's Top 10 Signs Fidel Castro is Fully Recovered: "In NFL draft, was picked ahead of Brady Quinn." . . .
Jim Armstrong of the Denver Post: "First, Roger Goodell makes it mandatory for players to talk to the media every week. Then he says NFL coaches must conduct at least one predraft press conference. Um, Rog, I'm thinking a nice dry Chardonnay would be perfect for the Invesco Field press box."
Dust off the eight-track player.
It's time to turn back the clock.
Well, maybe not that far.
Let's take a quick gander back to the thrilling days of yesteryear. The year was 1990. OK. It might not have been that thrilling.
Judge for yourself while stumbling down Memory Lane. These were some of the highlights from that year:
• John McEnroe became the first player ever expelled from the Australian Open after he swears at the umpire, supervisor and referee. McEnroe swearing? You can't be serious.
• The NFC beat the AFC, 27-21, in the Pro Bowl.
• Steve Briers of Wales recited the entire lyrics of Queen's album "A Night At The Opera" in 9 minutes, 58.44 seconds backward. Apparently Steve had a lot of time on his hands.
• Mikhail S. Gorbachev became president of the Soviet Congress.
• The final episode of Pat Sajak's late-night TV show airs on CBS. Thousands groaned.
• Angela Bowie revealed that ex-husband David Bowie slept with Mick Jagger. We didn't need to know that.
• Burger King began using Newman's Own Salad Dressing. Now that's good eating.
• A baseball game between the Brewers and the Blue Jays was delayed 35 minutes due to gnats.
• Producers confirmed that Milli Vanilla didn't sing on their album. Millions of tears were shed.
And last, but certainly not least:
• Michael Haddix leads the Green Bay Packers in rushing with a grand total of 311 yards.
Now let's go back to the future.
With Marshawn Lynch paying rent in Buffalo and Ahman Green counting his greenbacks in Houston, the Packers are back in the Haddix Zone as far as toting the hogbladder goes.
This mark of a team-high 311 yards could come tumbling down with the motley crew that will be taking the handoffs from Brett Favre.
At this point in time, the Packers do not have an official depth chart. That's all well and good since they appear to be in the depths of despair at running back. If the season were to start tomorrow, and thank goodness it doesn't, Vernand Morency would be the starter. There were times that this young man looked very capable. But Kenny Jay was very capable, too.
Next on the list is Noah Herron. Last year, the Packers media guide said that Herron, "has all the tools to evolve into a back that can register his own 1,000-yard seasons and 100-yard games." You can't make this stuff up.
Then there's Arliss Beach . . . at least until mid-August.
Moving right along we find one P.J. Pope, who led the Chicago Bears in rushing last year during the fake games. He got a ticket out of town, but Rex Grossman still works in the Windy City. Life is so strange.
Brandon Jackson, who was a second-round pick, started just 11 games in college at Nebraska. At least he's well-rested.
The most interesting candidate is DeShawn Wynn. His pro career is not exactly off and running. He pulled up lame after the first little soiree for rookies and got the rest of the weekend off.
Wynn, of course, was described by one scout as follows: "I think he's a fat guy waiting to happen." The women and children might want to take cover if this young man ever tries a Lambeau Leap.
These are the men who will chase that dubious mark of 311 yards. It might be one of the most difficult records in pro sports to top.
But if one of them is worthy, there is already a working title available for the team's highlight video.
OTHER TIDBITS
Steve Rosenbloom on his Chicago Tribune blog: "The Packers offered a fifth-round pick for Randy Moss. The Patriots got him with a fourth-rounder. Now, of course, the Packers GM is getting criticized for not acquiring a gutless, selfish wideout who eventually kills every team he's on." . . .
Greg Easterbrook for ESPN.com "Keyshawn Johnson did well for a novice sportscaster, but also garnered the best garbled comment of the weekend's coverage. As Green Bay's pick approached and all speculation was on Brady Quinn as Brett Favre's successor, Keyshawn gushed, 'Quinn could lead the Packers into the next millennium.' Keyshawn, the next millennium starts in 994 years." . . .
Michael Ventre for MSNBC.com: "If Mel Kiper Jr.'s hair and Donald Trump's hair had a fight, who would win? I don't know, but I'm sure Don King's hair would love to promote it." . . .
David Thomas of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram: "I thought Mel Kiper Jr.'s hair was going to cave in before Brady Quinn got picked. I'm not saying the NFL draft proceeds at the pace of a snail on crutches, but Takeru Kobayashi can eat 53 hot dogs faster than one team can select the player it wanted all along." . . .
Scott Ostler for MSNBC.com: "I'm just hoping that on draft day there's not some tragic mix-up in a TV dressing room somewhere and Mel Kiper Jr. and Sam Donaldson don't somehow wind up with the other guy's hair." . . .
From David Letterman's Top 10 Signs Fidel Castro is Fully Recovered: "In NFL draft, was picked ahead of Brady Quinn." . . .
Jim Armstrong of the Denver Post: "First, Roger Goodell makes it mandatory for players to talk to the media every week. Then he says NFL coaches must conduct at least one predraft press conference. Um, Rog, I'm thinking a nice dry Chardonnay would be perfect for the Invesco Field press box."