K-town
05-16-2007, 11:00 PM
Oh, what a vast and odorous wasteland network TV has become.
Did you know that Bingo, yes, BINGO, will be a prime time show on a major network?
I can’t wait for Backgammon on CBS.
Jericho, a nice little show that was semi-provocative and had an actual plot, was cancelled. Gilmore Girls – gone (a little annoying, but what the hell, always had a weakness for Lauren Graham). 7th Heaven - gone (Okay, I can’t stand Stephen Collins either, but it was at least different). Smith, an intriguing crime caper, with actual adult dialog and real actors – gone in 3 episodes. There are others; feel free to add them to the list.
To make room for what, CSI Wideplains, Kansas?
Any show that has the slightest modicum of intelligence or originality is freakin’ DOOMED.
Instead, how about a show with a score of bimbos with suitcases of money, hosted by Howie Mandel (If God is good, why does this guy still have a career?).
Let’s see what the networks have for us next year, besides BINGO and similar ilk:
Another season of American Offal. Bad karaoke hosted by 2 has-beens and a never-was.
Oh, I know. Paula Abdul (America’s favorite psychotic drunk) was popular. 15 YEARS AGO. Randy Jackson played bass for Journey. Not the Journey that sold out arenas and stadiums. The Journey that played Bar Mitzvahs and county fairs. Simon Cowell, according to the British tabloids, is a powerful music impresario. Of course, these same tabloids claimed that the Spice Girls were talented and Princess Di was pretty. Nice credibility.
Dancing with the D-List Stars. Shouldn’t there be actual stars on a show that has stars in the name? Joey Fatone? (Is his name pronounced Fat-oan or Fat –Won?) Paul McCartney’s one-legged, gold-digging ex? Cliff from Cheers?
America’s Next Top Model. The next “top model” to make it big in modeling from this show will be the FIRST model to make it big from this show. No, I am not counting Peter Brady’s wife.
Search for the Next Pussycat Doll. From LA. Isn’t that where a lot of attractive people are supposed to dwell? They couldn’t do better than a couple of Eva Longoria wanna-bes, a Jessica Simpson wanna-be and a Beyonce wanna-be? I expect more dolls from the Pussycat Dolls (doll as in attractive, not the Barbie kind. Though these seem to have the plastic personality thing down pretty well)
Side note - Sample Pussycat Doll lyrics:
“Don’cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?” [Hot, yes. Like you, um, no.]
“Don’cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?” [Taking advantage of your promiscuity because of self-loathing issues makes me feel kind of skeevy. Might be willing to make an exception. If I drink enough.]
“Don’cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me?” [I don’t even know what that means, and yet I sense an onset of nausea.]
Law and Order, the original. Is this STILL on? I would guess the ratings to be similar to Diagnosis Murder, which was only cancelled when CBS realized the last 10 viewers of the show had died years ago.
Yeah, they’re thinking about saving the World According to Jim. Why, God, why? Give poor Jim Belushi the chance to perform on Dancing with the Stars. Or appear with Erik Estrada selling real estate in the Ozarks.
The Amazing Race Allstars. Why are Rob and Amber still allowed to exist?
Survivor. I stopped watching some years back, when the skater dude brought, as his luxury item, his skateboard. To a BEACH. I can still hear his whining about how damaged his hands were from (ineptly) trying to construct a shelter while all the others on his team were looking for FOOD and WATER. The fact that they didn’t brain him with the skateboard, gut him and use him as bait for crabs and sea-birds told me that I didn’t want to see any survivors from that group. And hey, I work in a corporate office, so I don’t need to see lying, manipulative jerks for entertainment. You want a real Survivor challenge? Put them all in the really bad part of any major city in the world with no money and no ID. Let’s see who survives THAT.
I ask you, what is worth watching on network TV? For me, its Heroes, My Name is Earl, Lost (but barely)…and that’s it.
The good shows are on cable – either basic cable (the Shield, Rescue Me, Monk, Battlestar Galactica) or on premium channels (the Sopranos, Weeds).
I vow to only watch CBS for football and the NCAA tourney, NBC for Earl, ABC for Lost, and Fox for football. I didn’t count the CW or the WB or whatever the hell it’s called, because the premise of this was MAJOR networks.
It’s an easy vow to make.
Again, I say – A PLAGUE ON ALL THEIR HOUSES.
Did you know that Bingo, yes, BINGO, will be a prime time show on a major network?
I can’t wait for Backgammon on CBS.
Jericho, a nice little show that was semi-provocative and had an actual plot, was cancelled. Gilmore Girls – gone (a little annoying, but what the hell, always had a weakness for Lauren Graham). 7th Heaven - gone (Okay, I can’t stand Stephen Collins either, but it was at least different). Smith, an intriguing crime caper, with actual adult dialog and real actors – gone in 3 episodes. There are others; feel free to add them to the list.
To make room for what, CSI Wideplains, Kansas?
Any show that has the slightest modicum of intelligence or originality is freakin’ DOOMED.
Instead, how about a show with a score of bimbos with suitcases of money, hosted by Howie Mandel (If God is good, why does this guy still have a career?).
Let’s see what the networks have for us next year, besides BINGO and similar ilk:
Another season of American Offal. Bad karaoke hosted by 2 has-beens and a never-was.
Oh, I know. Paula Abdul (America’s favorite psychotic drunk) was popular. 15 YEARS AGO. Randy Jackson played bass for Journey. Not the Journey that sold out arenas and stadiums. The Journey that played Bar Mitzvahs and county fairs. Simon Cowell, according to the British tabloids, is a powerful music impresario. Of course, these same tabloids claimed that the Spice Girls were talented and Princess Di was pretty. Nice credibility.
Dancing with the D-List Stars. Shouldn’t there be actual stars on a show that has stars in the name? Joey Fatone? (Is his name pronounced Fat-oan or Fat –Won?) Paul McCartney’s one-legged, gold-digging ex? Cliff from Cheers?
America’s Next Top Model. The next “top model” to make it big in modeling from this show will be the FIRST model to make it big from this show. No, I am not counting Peter Brady’s wife.
Search for the Next Pussycat Doll. From LA. Isn’t that where a lot of attractive people are supposed to dwell? They couldn’t do better than a couple of Eva Longoria wanna-bes, a Jessica Simpson wanna-be and a Beyonce wanna-be? I expect more dolls from the Pussycat Dolls (doll as in attractive, not the Barbie kind. Though these seem to have the plastic personality thing down pretty well)
Side note - Sample Pussycat Doll lyrics:
“Don’cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?” [Hot, yes. Like you, um, no.]
“Don’cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?” [Taking advantage of your promiscuity because of self-loathing issues makes me feel kind of skeevy. Might be willing to make an exception. If I drink enough.]
“Don’cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me?” [I don’t even know what that means, and yet I sense an onset of nausea.]
Law and Order, the original. Is this STILL on? I would guess the ratings to be similar to Diagnosis Murder, which was only cancelled when CBS realized the last 10 viewers of the show had died years ago.
Yeah, they’re thinking about saving the World According to Jim. Why, God, why? Give poor Jim Belushi the chance to perform on Dancing with the Stars. Or appear with Erik Estrada selling real estate in the Ozarks.
The Amazing Race Allstars. Why are Rob and Amber still allowed to exist?
Survivor. I stopped watching some years back, when the skater dude brought, as his luxury item, his skateboard. To a BEACH. I can still hear his whining about how damaged his hands were from (ineptly) trying to construct a shelter while all the others on his team were looking for FOOD and WATER. The fact that they didn’t brain him with the skateboard, gut him and use him as bait for crabs and sea-birds told me that I didn’t want to see any survivors from that group. And hey, I work in a corporate office, so I don’t need to see lying, manipulative jerks for entertainment. You want a real Survivor challenge? Put them all in the really bad part of any major city in the world with no money and no ID. Let’s see who survives THAT.
I ask you, what is worth watching on network TV? For me, its Heroes, My Name is Earl, Lost (but barely)…and that’s it.
The good shows are on cable – either basic cable (the Shield, Rescue Me, Monk, Battlestar Galactica) or on premium channels (the Sopranos, Weeds).
I vow to only watch CBS for football and the NCAA tourney, NBC for Earl, ABC for Lost, and Fox for football. I didn’t count the CW or the WB or whatever the hell it’s called, because the premise of this was MAJOR networks.
It’s an easy vow to make.
Again, I say – A PLAGUE ON ALL THEIR HOUSES.