I'm dying

[SkinBasket]

Well not in the way Lawyer Joe was dying, but I am sick. I think my throat is bleeding and it's hard to stay awake more than 3 hours at a time. Any suggestions for getting better quicker?

[MJZiggy]

Go to the doctor. Last time my throat was bleeding they gave me ulcer medicine to coat it and that worked to settle the cough too. Otherwise sleep as much as possible. And if you're actually coughing up blood, like blood in your hand, go to the ER.

[hoosier]

If you have flu like symptoms that keep getting worse, make sure you have durable power of attorney for health care papers in order. And then do like the other poster said and go to the ER. Make sure you're tested for the dreaded adenovirus.

[MadtownPacker]

I sounds like you might start turning into a zombie. I suggest putting some hot lead into you brain. That will fix it.

[SkinBasket]

The ER is for emergencies and pussies. I'm looking for something more holistic, like Mad's suggestion, but less permanent.

[hoosier]

Kick a table leg with your bare toes. It might not make you better but it will take your mind off your festering illness for a while. If that doesn't help, try kicking the family pet.

[K-town]

Well not in the way Lawyer Joe was dying, but I am sick. I think my throat is bleeding and it's hard to stay awake more than 3 hours at a time. Any suggestions for getting better quicker?

Sounds like mono.
Who you been kissing lately?

Or maybe I don't want to know.

Two approaches:
1) Manly-man "what does not kill me makes me stronger" - mas Tequila!!
2) Sane/boring - see a doctor. But not the ones from Grey's Anatomy.
Unless you have a death wish. Death by annoyance.

[MJZiggy]

The ER is for emergencies and pussies. I'm looking for something more holistic, like Mad's suggestion, but less permanent.

The ER may be for emergencies and pussies, but the doctor is for whiners who are willing to complain about their cold on a football forum. If you're not willing to go to the doc, then have a shot of whatever you have handy and go back to bed. Otherwise, just do what all men do. Complain to your wife about it.

[GoPackGo]

I think my throat is bleeding and it's hard to stay awake more than 3 hours at a time. Any suggestions for getting better quicker?

put down the water bong for a day or two

[Badgepack]

Hydrocodones can fix anything, even when nothing is wrong.

[SkinBasket]

The ER may be for emergencies and pussies, but the doctor is for whiners who are willing to complain about their cold on a football forum. If you're not willing to go to the doc, then have a shot of whatever you have handy and go back to bed. Otherwise, just do what all men do. Complain to your wife about it.

I'm looking for home remedies, not squirrelly man hate.

[Freak Out]

I use some of these teas when I have a head cold/sore throat.

http://www.traditionalmedicinals.com/

The throat coat is great...the Herba Tussin and Cold Care work great. The Gypsy cold care is great.

Very good scotch or a vintage port work well. Good Brandy...warmed. Gluwein.

[Freak Out]

My wife has a great cold recipe...I'll get it for you. Onions and honey....lemon I think? Cayenne pepper....it works good.

[SkinBasket]

My wife has a great cold recipe...I'll get it for you. Onions and honey....lemon I think? Cayenne pepper....it works good.


Maybe I should just stretch until I can lick my own ass. Sounds like it would taste better. I've tried wine and vodka the last two nights to no avail.

I've decided on Excedrin and Red Bull - the same recipe we used to make babies. Gives me a boner every time, and if a boner doesn't help, nothing will.

[SkinBasket]

Oh, and I'll try to find some of this Throat Coat you speak of. It sounds sexy. Will it give me an infection?

[Freak Out]

Oh, and I'll try to find some of this Throat Coat you speak of. It sounds sexy. Will it give me an infection?

Only after licking ones ass.

It is good stuff though....slippery elm.

[GoPackGo]

http://www.beveragesdirect.com/images/productpix/large/1200461.jpg
get Vernors Ginger Ale and a lemon. pour the can contents into a pot and squeeze the entire lemon's juices into the same pot. Heat it up on the stovetop. drink it warm
If that doesn't work try jumping off a building

[MJZiggy]

The ER may be for emergencies and pussies, but the doctor is for whiners who are willing to complain about their cold on a football forum. If you're not willing to go to the doc, then have a shot of whatever you have handy and go back to bed. Otherwise, just do what all men do. Complain to your wife about it.

I'm looking for home remedies, not squirrelly man hate.

If you can't find the traditionals, just gargle with some salt water (after having the shot and before going back to bed.)

[Partial]

Eat some spicy food. There is something in pepper that if you eat a large quanitity of has amazing healing effects.

Fill a glass of water. Sprinkle some cayenne pepper in there. Swish around in mouth for 2 minutes. Spit out and rinse. Ta da!

[SkinBasket]

Eat some spicy food. There is something in pepper that if you eat a large quanitity of has amazing healing effects.

Fill a glass of water. Sprinkle some cayenne pepper in there. Swish around in mouth for 2 minutes. Spit out and rinse. Ta da!

That sounds stupid.

[Partial]

Stupid, but effective.

http://www.earthclinic.com/Remedies/cayenne.html

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&safe=off&q=cayenne+pepper+water+sore+throat&btnG=Search

[SkinBasket]

Stupid, but effective.

Upon conducting field research, it turns out that it is just stupid, and not particularly effective.

[MJZiggy]

Use the salt. I've field tested it myself and it's worked for me in the past. You can do it as often as you need to.

[Deputy Nutz]

It sounds like you were licking the rim of my beer bottle last week Thursday, you degenerate, I told you I was sick, and even if you didn't believe me you saw me blow snot all over my hand.

Well get ready, because this one is a dozy, I have been sick/ill/cold, for over a month now. I have a heavy stream of snot that is the color of concrete.

Good luck.

[SkinBasket]

I didn't think that was snot on you hand after you spent so much time admiring the woman on my fridge magnet.

My caffeine reinforcements just wore off. I'm fucked and sinking fast.

[Deputy Nutz]

Use the salt. I've field tested it myself and it's worked for me in the past. You can do it as often as you need to.

How did you get your salt fix? :bs: ?????

[MJZiggy]

I didn't think that was snot on you hand after you spent so much time admiring the woman on my fridge magnet.

My caffeine reinforcements just wore off. I'm fucked and sinking fast.

That's why I told you to go to bed. Obviously it's what your body wants you to do.

And Nutz, the salt comes from the Morton's container in the kitchen. You put it into the little dispenser with the "S" on top of it and, like magic, when you turn the dispenser over, salt comes out. :crazy: Oh and make sure you're using water warm enough that the salt actually dissolves in it.

Now, Skin, go to bed.

[the_idle_threat]

This is a real bitch of a cold going 'round---I had it for pretty much the entire month of October, plus about a week. Zig is right---get as much sleep as time allows. If nothing else, you won't be awake as much to experience being miserable. I mostly killed it in the first week with 12-hour bouts of sleep enhanced each time by about a quarter bottle of Nyquil slugged right out of the container. The cold got down into my chest, though, and the cough hung around for weeks afterward.

[Freak Out]

Well not in the way Lawyer Joe was dying, but I am sick. I think my throat is bleeding and it's hard to stay awake more than 3 hours at a time. Any suggestions for getting better quicker?

Are you still among the living? Any better yet?

[MadtownPacker]

He hasn't posted since yesterday so hopefully he is worm food by now.

[SkinBasket]

MWA HA HA HA!

The SkinBasket cannot be deceased by little viruses!

I've got lots of blood flecked sunshine yellow snot for anyone who wants any, but it's a lot easier to stay awake now, which is all that really matters. More tussin please! I think it was giant boner I gave myself that got the healthy blood flowing in the right direction again.

[SkinBasket]

That fucking virus obviously read what I wrote as I typed it and decided to crash me. I just lost 1/2 pound of phlegm in a cough that literally brought me to my knees. This shit is on now. I'm going to take every over the counter drug I can get my hands on and we've got some fucked up shit laying round here.

[MadtownPacker]

So are we suppose to start caring about you? I just wanted to verify because so far I really dont give a damn.

[SkinBasket]

You latinas are all the same. All tough and scabby on the outside, but on the inside you're a regular ol' Madame Butterfly.

[Iron Mike]

I have about 8 Vicodin left over from my pussy trip to the ER last week if you're interested. :wink:

[MJZiggy]

What's wrong with your pussy?

[the_idle_threat]

That's what I was wondering too. :lol:

[Zool]

They give Vicodin to cats now?

[SkinBasket]

Every cloud has a silver lining and this is no different. Turnout that all this snot that comes out my nose hardens into a very solid mass. Normally this wouldn't be important, but the small amount of snot in my nostrils is congealing aruond my nose hairs, forming large stalactites, or stalagmites, I'm not sure which, of snot and nose hair. Which means one pull and I've ridded myself of like 10-12 nose hairs in one go! Do you know what this means?!?!?


Eureka!

[Iron Mike]

What's wrong with your pussy?

I stubbed it.

http://images.starpulse.com/Photos/Previews/Sarah-Silverman-cc08.jpg

[hoosier]

Every cloud has a silver lining and this is no different. Turnout that all this snot that comes out my nose hardens into a very solid mass. Normally this wouldn't be important, but the small amount of snot in my nostrils is congealing aruond my nose hairs, forming large stalactites, or stalagmites, I'm not sure which, of snot and nose hair. Which means one pull and I've ridded myself of like 10-12 nose hairs in one go! Do you know what this means?!?!?!

TMI?

[SkinBasket]

I'm going outside to make a giant vagina out of all this snow and I'm going to fuck the living shit out of it.

[MJZiggy]

Wouldn't it be warmer to just go see your wife?

[the_idle_threat]

Possibly not. :!:

[Zool]

You dead yet?

[SkinBasket]

I think I'm finally on the upswing. The bigger problem is that our 8 mo old son is just heading into it. Not much you can do for an infant with a blazing sore throat. Fun nights ahead.

[MJZiggy]

Either Care Bears lozenges (they're on a stick so he can't swallow them), or Cloraseptic spray, which tastes like hell, but works.