You can do what I did with my kids: ignore them
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i went to the dentist the other day. "hey doc...my teeth are yellow." he said, "wear a brown tie."
Horse walks into a bar. Bartender asks, why the long face?
A rope walks into a bar. Bartender says "Hey buddy, we don't serve rope here."
The rope goes into a nearby alleyway. He pulls his threads apart, turns himself into a loop and makes a knot with the loosed threads sticking out. Walks back into the bar. Sits down.
Bartender eyes him suspiciously. "Say, aren't you that piece of rope that was just in here a minute ago?"
Rope says "No, I'm afraid not."
Giraffe walks in to a bar. Yells highballs on me!
has anyone posted his?
pretty fucking funny
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-idSP5Ztaw
I'd tell a UDP joke, but I'm not sure anyone would get it.
Programming joke? Heyyyyooo
Rodgers speaks...http://www.packers.com/news-and-even...4f5d?qwr=nomob
A Newfie walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees it’s filled to the brim with $10 bills.
He guesses there must be thousands of dollars in it.
He approaches the bartender and asks,”What’s up with the jar?”
“Well, you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money.”
The man certainly isn’t going to pass this up. “What are the three tests?”
“Pay first, those are the rules.” says the bartender.
So the Newfie gives him the $10, and the bartender drops it into the jar.
“OK,” the bartender says, “here’s what you need to do: First – You have to drink that entire gallon of pepper tequila the whole thing, all at once…and you can’t make a face while doing it.
Second, – There’s a pit bull chained-up out back with a sore tooth.
You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands.
Third, – There’s a 90-year-old woman upstairs who has never reached orgasm during intercourse. You’ve gotta make things right for her.”
The Newfie is stunned. “I know I paid my 10 bucks, but I’m not an idiot! I won’t do it!
You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila, and then do those other things….”
“Your call,” says the bartender, “but your money stays where it is.”
As time goes on and the Newfie has a few drinks, then a few more, he asks, “Wherez zat teeqeelah?”
He grabs the gallon with both hands and downs it with a big slurp.
Tears are streaming down both cheeks, but he doesn’t make a face.
Next, he staggers out back where the pit bull is chained-up, and soon all the people inside the bar hear a huge, noisy, scuffle going on outside.
They hear the pit bull barking, the guy screaming, the pit bull yelping, and then…………silence.
Just when they think the Newfie surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped and large bloody scratches all over his body.
Now,” he says, “where’s the old woman with the sore tooth?
Here's another Bar related Newfie Joke and you should know there are a whole lot of Irish Genes in Newfoundland:
" ...A Newfoundlander walks into a bar in Halifax, orders three drafts of Keith's and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells him "You know, a draft goes flat after I draw it, it would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The Newfoundlander replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Toronto, the other is in Boston, and I'm here in Halifax. When we all left home we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we drank together. So I drink one for each o'me brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom and leaves it there.
The Newfoundlander becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way. He orders three pints and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and orders two pints.
All the other regulars take notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
The Newfoundlander looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns and he laughs, "Oh, no, everybody's just fine." He explains. "It's just that my wife had us join the Pentecostal Church and I had to quit drinking. Hasn't affected me brothers though."..."