What would YOU do?

[GrnBay007]

No, I haven't had to face this yet.....kids younger and hopefully don't have to, but I love to hear replies on real life experiences/views/thoughts. ...what can I say, it's the offseason....discussion welcome.

[Badgepack]

We always allowed out kids lots of freedom as they were growing up. The only unbreakable rule was to never drive after drinking or getting high. The kids could always call for a ride home with no punishment. Kids are going to experment with stuff, never think they won't.

Being open and forgiving about it kinda makes it less attractive I think. None of my kids got beyond trying drugs, but they do like to drink. I have daughters so I don't know if it is different with boys. Make sure they know that stoners often do not do well in school, if he already has big future plans, remind him of this.

If your child is high all the time, then I think a more firm approach is in order. But, if usage is recreational, I would not be too concerned.

That is all I can think of for now, accept being able to talk about stuff like that openly with your kids, you get to hear some funny stories from them that you would miss out on if such activities were not allowed. Kids that have to hide that stuff from parents tend to overdue it whenever they get the chance.

[Deputy Nutz]

I think 14 is a little young to be getting into drugs and even alcohol. I was 15 when I had my first full beer, as I was the kid at family functions that everyone gave sips of beer to.

The most important thing to do is not panic, and then blow the whole situation out of proportion. My uncle caught one of his son's at about 14 smoking weed, and he went totally nutzo. He tried to get the kid into counciling, and grounded him. Didn't let him see the light of day unless he was at school, and then he would go and pick him up from school and walk him into his bedroom. MY cousin was pissed, and learned that he should be more careful when he smoked pot so he wouldn't get caught. The important thing is to talk to your son or daughter after you cool down, it is ok to hand out a consequence, but if you overdue it and don't bother to sit down and discuss drugs and alcohol with them what point are you making?

Hopefully at 14 the kid is just experimenting with drugs, and isn't an actual user. I remember kids in middle school sniffing air freshner spray to get a high.

Remember weed ain't gonna kill them, but I am worried that drugs like "H" and crack and easier for this kids to get their hands on, and smoking weed can easily lead to this types of drugs if they are readily available.

[MJZiggy]

Just my two cents, but I think that it's a better idea to have the discussions about the dangers of drugs before they actually try them. Then let them know that they can talk to you about it if need be, and yes, IMO the policy of a free ride home with no consequences is a good one.

[Deputy Nutz]

Just my two cents, but I think that it's a better idea to have the discussions about the dangers of drugs before they actually try them. Then let them know that they can talk to you about it if need be, and yes, IMO the policy of a free ride home with no consequences is a good one.

Thats crazy, then they know about them.

[pacfan]

Two boys both past 14 now.

The first one was the rebel and tried just about everything. We tried to easy approach at first, speaking about what was right and wrong and what could happen. It didn't work.

We tried increasing the penalties and restricting the freedom-that backfired.

Finally, I went the old-school route and made a deal. He stops and he stays, he doesn't-then he doesn't. Drove his mother crazy but it worked.

We had other issues at the same time, not just the smoking and the drinking. He had a vicious girlfriend and some thugs for 'friends'. The girlfriend's parents, we found out, was supplying the stuff. We adults 'worked out' our differences later.

Second kid is a charm. He saw the effects of the first kid and didn't follow that path. Still does teenage boy stuff, but talks to us about some of the challenges he faces in school. We keep somewhat close tabs on him, but he's 'earned' more priveleges than his brother at his age.

Three pointers that I learned (from my wife):

1.) Know who your kids friends are, have them come over to your house. Know their numbers and try to meet their parents. we didn't with kid #1 and it took us years to recover. We did with kid #2 and its a whole different experience.

2.) If you have a partner, make sure you both agree in advance on the parenting strategy to address the issue. We didn't with kid #1-it really was tough for a few months. We did with kid #2, and its so much more peaceful, occasionally.

3.) No matter how pissed you get at what they done, still tell them that you love them. This took me awhile, because I thought its just understood or a given so it didn't need to be said.

Both kids have/had the free ride home

[Harlan Huckleby]

Problem is when weed fills a void. If your kid is active in learning or sports or dance or whatever, they can learn that getting blotto takes away from their interests. If they are bored, how can you possibly expect them to resist getting high?

[SkinBasket]

The best bargaining tool a parent can have is the monetary support they give their kids. Don't want your 14 year old smoking pot? Tell em if they do, they ain't going to see any coin from you, that includes gifts (ok, maybe some socks or underwear for xmas). Tell them you will feed them and house them, but you ain't gonna be paying for no dank. Kids that age find out working a shitty job for minimum wage really "harshes their mellow."

In and of itself, the weed is nice. Kids that age have no concept of actual consequence, however, and even less of a notion of self-control. I've known too many people who's lives completely shitted out on them because they started taking drugs early and didn't stop. By the end of high school one of them had regular episodes of worms crawling out of his head, another had been fucked in every oriface and stopped wearing underwear, another had been sentenced to 5 years with his dad and brother, and another had been killed. And this is in white person suberbia and these were only kids I knew.

Sure, for every kid I knew that ended up like the ones above, there were two or three that smoked weed and drank since they were 13-15 and they were fine. Not very bright in most cases, but fine. But a 66% chance your kid won't end up fucking up his life as a direct result of DNA aren't odds that I like for my kid. It's amazing if your kid makes it through high school unscathed without the problems that drugs and acohol bring to the table, not to mention the actual physical damage done to the brain at that age by regular use.

Hell, even in college, my freshman roommate literally turned into a steaming pile of shit because he couldn't stop smoking weed. Even the kids who got him started wouldn't smoke with him by the end of the year because he was such a worthless douchebag. By the middle of sophmore year he stopped showering, stayed up all night because, and I quote, "I like the vampire lifestyle," and started urinating in his bed - something, I told him at the time, I was unaware vampires did.

So if my kid wants to smoke the weed, that little fucker's going to have to get a job. I don't have time to sit around in a stupor for a few hours every few days, so I can't smoke anymore. And if I ain't buying for myself, I'm sure as shit not going to finance my kid buying it.

[retailguy]

But, Skinbasket, weed IS NOT addictive...... It's not, just ask ANYBODY... ROFLMAO.... Great Post.

[Harlan Huckleby]

I don't think I ever finished a bag of weed in my life. No kidding. I would always get tired of being high after a week or two, and give it away. Could that be because I smoked it every day when I had it?

So for me pot is addicting in the "smoke'um if you got'um" sense. But it was so natural and effortless to stop for long periods, it's hard to think of it as a problem.

[Deputy Nutz]

By the middle of sophmore year he stopped showering, stayed up all night because, and I quote, "I like the vampire lifestyle," and started urinating in his bed - something, I told him at the time, I was unaware vampires did.

No Shit? I wonder what color vampire piss is.

[SkinBasket]

I don't know, but it sure as shit smelled just like regular person urine.

[Harlan Huckleby]

did he use used tampons for tea bags?

[Anti-Polar Bear]

I pick "What's the problem with this?"

[Charles Woodson]

really i dont see why people like it so much. im 14 and i have some friends that go off and smoke it, they just mess themselves up, they think that people will think they are cool because of it, ive never tried it myself, never want to ethier.

[Partial]

Tank that is sick, the kid is 14. I can understand letting them make their own choices later on, but not at 14.

[BallHawk]

Yeah, I'm 13 and I live in Naples, FL, which is really a white person town. Few kids at my school smoke weed, but A LOT smoke cigeretes. It's really pathetic to see kids in Middle School trying to be cool by smoking. And the sad thing is they're choking over it when they're smoking it. Personally, I've never tried the stuff and never will. Over the last 10 years school's have really been cracking down on drugs and alcohol. My parent's stance on the stuff is this... Smoke or do drugs and we'll make your life hell. The strange thing though is they're not the same with alcohol. They'll let me have cocktails and wine. They'll limit the amount, though. They also let me have Smirnoff and Mike's Hard, but those things are like 4% so it basically isn't even alcohol. It doesn't effect my grades or anything, I'm in challenge and I get all A's, so they're cool about it. What really pisses me off is a kid will come into school and start bragging about how his dad let him have a bottle of Mike's Hard or something, and they think they're the shit. Personally, I drink it because it tastes good.

[Anti-Polar Bear]

Personally, I've never tried the stuff and never will.

I said the same thing when I was 14. I was a member of the say "Say No to Drugs" club. Ray Rhodes came to our school and talked about the danger of drugs. Afterward, I promised myself I will never do drugs in my life.

I was delusional then. Doing drugs such as marijuana and coke-cain is inevitable. You will experience it one day, young man. And when you do, you will love it.

[Partial]

you're going to be a terrible parent. You won't have to experience it if you don't want to. Many people don't.

[CaptainKickass]

Whatever it is that a person does or doesn't do can be easily moderated by one's self by simply asking the following question prior to engaging in the aforementioned activities:

"Am I in control of it........or is it in control of me?"

You also have to have the cahones to answer honestly, and most importantly act on your answer.

You are the only one who can decide anything regardless of age, IQ, race, etc. etc. Self impowerment and introspection are the keys to living fully.