If any of you can tell me how to stop my cat Spike from:

Shitting on my wife's clothes.

Shitting in her suitcase.

...and as of this morning: pissing on the bed while I'm sleeping in it.

My solution is a bullet to it's cute little head. My wife says I need to take it back to the ladies down the alley that gave it to us....but eventually Spike is going to show back up on the porch when the weather warms, looking all sweet and cute wanting back in again.

Getting rid of my wife is not a valid answer.

I really like this cat...and I think it really loves me.....but apparently it hates my wife.

The clock is ticking.