hi,
I was just thinking about this deal where the Jihadist martyrs go to heaven and are rewarded with 100 Virgins.
Why would anybody want 100 virgins? The first time ain't that fun. And think of all the laundry!
hi,
I was just thinking about this deal where the Jihadist martyrs go to heaven and are rewarded with 100 Virgins.
Why would anybody want 100 virgins? The first time ain't that fun. And think of all the laundry!
I think it's more like 72 virgins - or something. But still, having a haram of women to choose from for 'eternity' seems reasonableOriginally Posted by Harlan Huckleby
Virgins are like clay, you can mold them however you wish. You know, mold one for doggy style, one for anal pleasures, one for broccoli and cheese...... all the normal stuff.
And why are all of the virigins hanging out in heaven, waiting for martyrs? Sounds like that psycho castle in Holy Grail.....
So, heaven is filled with virgins and, by that logic, hell is filled with experienced sluts from the Vivid Video catalog?
Sounds like the choice is simple. I'm going surfin' on the lakes of fire...
tyler
Receive thy new Possessor: One who brings
A mind not to be chang'd by Place or Time.
The mind is its own place, and in it self
Can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n.
"Paradise Lost"-John Milton
Oh, I'm down with the harem. I just don't want to deal with all those first nights.Originally Posted by Fosco33
Ideally, my harem would be prepped by having sex with a man with a tiny penis who smells bad. After that, they'd think I'm great. In other words, let Nutz have his way with them first.
LMFAO - I used to say that if God was really as strict as many ultra religious conservatives agree that 99.9% of people will end up in hell. Now - who would you rather hang out w/ for eternity - some crazed zealouts and angels or the party people.Originally Posted by jacks smirking revenge
I totally agree. I'm chilling (or roasting, whichever mythology you subscribe to) with the party people. I'm sure there will be all sorts of horned demons with barbed whips and forked tongues and all sorts of other nightmares to deal with, but, hell, the bars and strip clubs are probably worth it.Originally Posted by Fosco33
tyler
Receive thy new Possessor: One who brings
A mind not to be chang'd by Place or Time.
The mind is its own place, and in it self
Can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n.
"Paradise Lost"-John Milton
Like I tell all my friends: when I die and go to hell, I'll save y'all a seat at the bar.
"What's one more torpedo in a sinking ship?"
Lynn Dickey, 1984
"Never apologize, mister. It's a sign of weakness."
John Wayne, "She Wore a Yellow Ribbon"
How come my religion doesn't promise me 100 of the freshest pussies in the after life?
Because the checks you write aren't big enough to secure that.... Just be thankful that you're not destined to be the pool cue in a gay bar in your afterlife.Originally Posted by Nutz
tyler
Receive thy new Possessor: One who brings
A mind not to be chang'd by Place or Time.
The mind is its own place, and in it self
Can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n.
"Paradise Lost"-John Milton
What if that's what hell really is???Originally Posted by jacks smirking revenge
"Greatness is not an act... but a habit.Greatness is not an act... but a habit." -Greg Jennings
I'm just assuming that would be hell for Nutz. I'm going to suspect those who swing that way wouldn't mind so much being the pool cue in a gay bar. In fact, it may be heaven to such a person.Originally Posted by MJZiggy
Nutz, however, would probably rather be the toilet seat in the Playboy Mansion (a version of hell in itself--you always get to touch, but never taste).
tyler
Receive thy new Possessor: One who brings
A mind not to be chang'd by Place or Time.
The mind is its own place, and in it self
Can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n.
"Paradise Lost"-John Milton
What happens to the women when they aren't virgins anymore? do they get to stay or are they sent to hell for committing a sin?
do you get to order more virgins or is it strictly 72 or 100 and thats it?
Uh-oh. A loophole. Hold on. I'm on the phone with God now. Good thing its not a spa day for him. I'd be on hold forever.Originally Posted by pacfan
God says that a used virgin becomes part of his personal harem. And, yes, he understands that such an arrangement suggests that he's aligned with hell too. He offers that such a paradox cannot be understood by the human brain or defined by human sexual experience. He says that he's got the best harem in the universe, the envy of all other gods.
He also says that the Powerball numbers for Saturday are 12-23-56....awww...crap...I lost coverage. Sorry.
tyler
Receive thy new Possessor: One who brings
A mind not to be chang'd by Place or Time.
The mind is its own place, and in it self
Can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n.
"Paradise Lost"-John Milton
I heard a good one the other day. Islamofascist blows himself up killing innocent Iraqis, goes to 'heaven' and discovers he gets one 72 year old virgin instead of 72 virgins. Oh, and the gates to heaven are guarded by the 17 Navymen from the U.S.S. Cole.
"Never, never ever support a punk like mraynrand. Rather be as I am and feel real sympathy for his sickness." - Woodbuck
When OBL dies instead of him meeting 72 virgins, I hope he meets a 72 year old virgin........Originally Posted by Fosco33
Stacy is just one of the elfs.
Originally Posted by ranks66
If disease free, wouldn't you want 72 past hookers that look like Ranks avatar rather than virgins ? Why break anybody in when you can have the experts ?
Originally Posted by Bretsky
Brets,
If 18 year olds taste like candy, what do 72 year olds taste like ?
Answer : Depends
Stacy is just one of the elfs.
I wonder what Tank was promised to start his Jihad against the Polar Bear.