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For newbies (Ted is Trapped in the Closet Epic not included, as it is still an on going project) 
A Song for a Polar Bear
The winter cold has frozen my heart
I watch as the season falls apart
Fallen hopes and fallen rats
We’re routed by an army of purple cats
Only a prostitute would rid me of the shame
And my favorite drug could clear me of my mind
Can’t you find the drug that’d prolong his flame?
I will take anything you can find
Chorus:
Hold the fort a awhile, dear
While I find the polar bear
He’d give us hope
Or he’d give us dope
He hides in his cave
Failure he’s afraid
If he doesn’t try
How would he know?
We must it win now or we never will
Tis too late to raise for the young
The legend has little time left to kill
Before long everything will only be a song
Chorus:
O Polar bear, polar bear
Speckle the heavens and heave down a star
Failure is not for thee to fear
Where we can go is not so far
How to Dismantle a Playoffs Team
When Ted was a little girl
She’d search the sea for a pearl
A precious a little metal
That was our immortal
She held the cure to cancer
O if only she weren't a pacer
Ran away with our hope
And left us alone with dope
She cast it back toward the sea
The pearl that would set us free
It’s her inhuman nature
To watch us suffer
O she fucked up
She fucked up
She fucked up
She fucked up
Wake Ted Up Before Septembers begins
Winter has come and passed
The stars can never last
Wake Ted up before September begins
Mike Sherman has come to pass
Seven years has gone so fast
Wake Ted up before Septembers begins
Here comes the hibernation again
Failure to sign the stars
Drenched in 4-12 we remains
Becoming who we are not
Wake Ted up before September begins...
Wake Ted up before September begins…
This rhyme is for Ted, Marshall Mathers (featuring Mobb Deep)
Mobb Deep:
I bang, we bang, he bang, she bang
Sorry mamma, shoulda listened to your slang
(Boy, listen to me, don’t cha ever fu*ck with the Polar Bear
But mama, say I, what’s there to fear (whats there to fear)
Marshall Mathers:
Motherfu*ckers, Coccksuckers, listen carefully
Heed my rhyme and I’ll make you believe
Was raised on the fu*cking Eight Mile line
Sh!t separated motherfu*cking blacks and whites
Kim used to be as hot as Lois Lane
You’re either dead or you’re still fighting the fight
See, I grew up without knowing who the fu*ck made me
Daddy, you are the cause of our diminished misery
Come back so I can kick your a$$.
Took a DNA test and hoped I’m not homosexual like you.
Turns out you were that Oilier linebacker of a sh!t-as$$
Mobb Deep:
Who gave Marshall life?
(Who gave Marshal life?)
It was Ted Thompson
(It was Ted Thompson)
Motherfu*cking Ted Thomson
(Fu*cking Ted Thompson)
Is Ted a He or a She
Her name is Ted; daughter of a b!tch
He was always there; there for that witch
Insecure, Ted was with his sex
As a woman she loved Tex
In her cave, she’ll hide
Forever gone from his side
Ted got a sex change and now’s a man
But forever in her lives the woman
Is Ted a he or a she
I know Ted’s a pussy
Cos she took the money
And bribed Freeman to be his honey
Is Ted a he or a she
Is Ted a he or a she
Witness an era as it dies
O how time has flies
We should’ve been there
Thanks a lot Polar Bear
A Song for a Polar Bear
The winter cold has frozen my heart
I watch as the season falls apart
Fallen hopes and fallen rats
We’re routed by an army of purple cats
Only a prostitute would rid me of the shame
And my favorite drug could clear me of my mind
Can’t you find the drug that’d prolong his flame?
I will take anything you can find
Chorus:
Hold the fort a awhile, dear
While I find the polar bear
He’d give us hope
Or he’d give us dope
He hides in his cave
Failure he’s afraid
If he doesn’t try
How would he know?
We must it win now or we never will
Tis too late to raise for the young
The legend has little time left to kill
Before long everything will only be a song
Chorus:
O Polar bear, polar bear
Speckle the heavens and heave down a star
Failure is not for thee to fear
Where we can go is not so far
How to Dismantle a Playoffs Team
When Ted was a little girl
She’d search the sea for a pearl
A precious a little metal
That was our immortal
She held the cure to cancer
O if only she weren't a pacer
Ran away with our hope
And left us alone with dope
She cast it back toward the sea
The pearl that would set us free
It’s her inhuman nature
To watch us suffer
O she fucked up
She fucked up
She fucked up
She fucked up
Wake Ted Up Before Septembers begins
Winter has come and passed
The stars can never last
Wake Ted up before September begins
Mike Sherman has come to pass
Seven years has gone so fast
Wake Ted up before Septembers begins
Here comes the hibernation again
Failure to sign the stars
Drenched in 4-12 we remains
Becoming who we are not
Wake Ted up before September begins...
Wake Ted up before September begins…
This rhyme is for Ted, Marshall Mathers (featuring Mobb Deep)
Mobb Deep:
I bang, we bang, he bang, she bang
Sorry mamma, shoulda listened to your slang
(Boy, listen to me, don’t cha ever fu*ck with the Polar Bear
But mama, say I, what’s there to fear (whats there to fear)
Marshall Mathers:
Motherfu*ckers, Coccksuckers, listen carefully
Heed my rhyme and I’ll make you believe
Was raised on the fu*cking Eight Mile line
Sh!t separated motherfu*cking blacks and whites
Kim used to be as hot as Lois Lane
You’re either dead or you’re still fighting the fight
See, I grew up without knowing who the fu*ck made me
Daddy, you are the cause of our diminished misery
Come back so I can kick your a$$.
Took a DNA test and hoped I’m not homosexual like you.
Turns out you were that Oilier linebacker of a sh!t-as$$
Mobb Deep:
Who gave Marshall life?
(Who gave Marshal life?)
It was Ted Thompson
(It was Ted Thompson)
Motherfu*cking Ted Thomson
(Fu*cking Ted Thompson)
Is Ted a He or a She
Her name is Ted; daughter of a b!tch
He was always there; there for that witch
Insecure, Ted was with his sex
As a woman she loved Tex
In her cave, she’ll hide
Forever gone from his side
Ted got a sex change and now’s a man
But forever in her lives the woman
Is Ted a he or a she
I know Ted’s a pussy
Cos she took the money
And bribed Freeman to be his honey
Is Ted a he or a she
Is Ted a he or a she
Witness an era as it dies
O how time has flies
We should’ve been there
Thanks a lot Polar Bear