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FakeMail: I'm sorry, but the Aaron Rodgers bandwagon is closed
By MJD
FakeMail answers questions from readers around the world who don't exist, but are made up because this blog's editor wanted to answer the question anyway.
Dear MJD,
I'm a lifelong Packers fan, and I'm feeling a little confused this morning. See, I used to love Brett Favre. Heck, I still love Brett Favre, and I probably always will. So this offseason, when the Packers said they didn't want him back, I was mad. And I said some pretty mean things about Aaron Rodgers.
But then last night, he looked really good against the Vikings. He went 18-for-22, threw for one TD, ran for another, and also picked up 35 yards rushing. He was beautiful. Boomer Esiason talked about him on the radio in a very loving and passionate way. And watching Tarvaris Jackson made me realize just how much worse things could be.
So now, since he beat the stupid Vikings, I want to root for him, even though I was pretty mean to him before. Am I allowed to root for Aaron now, and pretend like all that other stuff never happened?
Sincerely,
Conflicted in Wisconsin
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Dear Conflicted,
No. No, absolutely not. I mean, I guess you could, as it's still a free country, but sometimes, all that means is that people are free to act like wieners. And to root for Rodgers now, when he really could have used your support a couple of months ago, would absolutely make you a wiener.
If you were one of the Favre-loving, Rodgers-hating fans through the whole summer ordeal, I'm sorry, but the Aaron Rodgers bandwagon is closed to you. If you were one of those people, and last night, you said, even jokingly, "Maybe this Aaron Rodgers guy isn't so bad!", then you should be beaten.
Someone should hold an ether-soaked rag over your mouth, take the sock off of your left foot, fill it with commemorative Brett Favre coins, and beat you with it. It's that much of a violation.
So how do you earn your Rodgers-rooting privileges? Three ways come to mind:
1) Send Aaron Rodgers a hand-written letter, detailing your reprehensible past behavior, apologizing for it, and pledging your future loyalty;
2) Take out an ad in the newspaper--a classified ad will do, no need to get too splashy--acknowledging that you acted like a wiener and stating your intentions to purchase an Aaron Rodgers jersey as soon as you can; or
3) Once a week for the rest of the season, you take a drive on Brett Favre Pass, and you give that road sign the middle finger. Do it discreetly, though, so no children see or you get arrested.
Now, if you still don't believe in Aaron Rodgers, that's fine. If you don't care that he beat the favored Vikings, and if you believe this was a one-week fluke and that he's a talentless hack, feel free. You can cling to your irrational hatred of anything new. Eventually, you may change your mind.
But if you're already of the mind to embrace Aaron Rodgers, and you're one of the people responsible for making his life miserable this summer, then you have to make amends before you can join the Aaron Rodgers fan club. For what Rogers had to put up with this offseason, it's only fair.
By MJD
FakeMail answers questions from readers around the world who don't exist, but are made up because this blog's editor wanted to answer the question anyway.
Dear MJD,
I'm a lifelong Packers fan, and I'm feeling a little confused this morning. See, I used to love Brett Favre. Heck, I still love Brett Favre, and I probably always will. So this offseason, when the Packers said they didn't want him back, I was mad. And I said some pretty mean things about Aaron Rodgers.
But then last night, he looked really good against the Vikings. He went 18-for-22, threw for one TD, ran for another, and also picked up 35 yards rushing. He was beautiful. Boomer Esiason talked about him on the radio in a very loving and passionate way. And watching Tarvaris Jackson made me realize just how much worse things could be.
So now, since he beat the stupid Vikings, I want to root for him, even though I was pretty mean to him before. Am I allowed to root for Aaron now, and pretend like all that other stuff never happened?
Sincerely,
Conflicted in Wisconsin
-------------------------------------------
Dear Conflicted,
No. No, absolutely not. I mean, I guess you could, as it's still a free country, but sometimes, all that means is that people are free to act like wieners. And to root for Rodgers now, when he really could have used your support a couple of months ago, would absolutely make you a wiener.
If you were one of the Favre-loving, Rodgers-hating fans through the whole summer ordeal, I'm sorry, but the Aaron Rodgers bandwagon is closed to you. If you were one of those people, and last night, you said, even jokingly, "Maybe this Aaron Rodgers guy isn't so bad!", then you should be beaten.
Someone should hold an ether-soaked rag over your mouth, take the sock off of your left foot, fill it with commemorative Brett Favre coins, and beat you with it. It's that much of a violation.
So how do you earn your Rodgers-rooting privileges? Three ways come to mind:
1) Send Aaron Rodgers a hand-written letter, detailing your reprehensible past behavior, apologizing for it, and pledging your future loyalty;
2) Take out an ad in the newspaper--a classified ad will do, no need to get too splashy--acknowledging that you acted like a wiener and stating your intentions to purchase an Aaron Rodgers jersey as soon as you can; or
3) Once a week for the rest of the season, you take a drive on Brett Favre Pass, and you give that road sign the middle finger. Do it discreetly, though, so no children see or you get arrested.
Now, if you still don't believe in Aaron Rodgers, that's fine. If you don't care that he beat the favored Vikings, and if you believe this was a one-week fluke and that he's a talentless hack, feel free. You can cling to your irrational hatred of anything new. Eventually, you may change your mind.
But if you're already of the mind to embrace Aaron Rodgers, and you're one of the people responsible for making his life miserable this summer, then you have to make amends before you can join the Aaron Rodgers fan club. For what Rogers had to put up with this offseason, it's only fair.
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