CaddyShack Quotes

[Murphy37]

"The great thing about this grass, is you can play 36 holes on it, and then go home and get stoned to bejesus off it"


Cannonball comin!

[Murphy37]

"Hey you, pick up that blood"

"You gonna eat your fat?"

"Get dressed Spaulding your playing Golf. No I'm not Grandpa I'm playing tennis. Your playing golf and you'll like it. What about my asthma?" I'll give ya asthma"

"100 bucks says the Smales kid picks his nose"

"Can you make a bull shot? Can you make a shoe smell?"

"Hey Wang, what's with all the pictures it's a parking lot"

"Do me a favor and don't tell anyone here your Jewish, I think this place is restricted, OK fine."

[Iron Mike]

Link:

https://www.carlspackler.com

[Murphy37]

Thanks for the Link Iron Mike.

[BlueBrewer]

So I said hey Llama how about a little something for the effort? He says there will be no money , but when you are dying on your deathbed you will recieve total consciousness. So I got that going for me...which is nice.

[BlueBrewer]

I want you to kill all the gophers. Correct me if I'm wrong but if I kill all of the golfers they will lock me up and throw away the key.

[Murphy37]

"That's gophers you idiot!
Not my fault nobody can understand ya, ya fuzzy little foreigner"

"Oh you wore green cause you thought you could hide"
"Mrs. Poole......I got a salami to hide...................youre lean youre mean, and youre not too far in between are ya you little monkey woman"

"She's a tramp!"

[BlueBrewer]

How do you no the weed is any good?

I got it from a negro.

[Murphy37]

"You do drugs Danny?
"Every day."
"So what's the problem?"
"I don't know."

[BlueBrewer]

A lot of people don't know about manganese



Its a mix of kentucky blue grass and California sensemea

[Murphy37]

"It's easy to grin when your ship has come in
and ya got the stock market beat.....
but a man worth while
is a man who can smile
when his shorts are too tight in the seat."

[Deputy Nutz]

OH RAT FARTS!!!!


"How about a Fresca?"


"Somebody step on a duck?"


"Were did it go?"
"Right in the lumber yard"


Al Czervik: Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid.


Al Czervik: You're a lot of woman, you know that? Yeah, wanna make 14 dollars the hard way?


Carl Spackler: He's on his final hole. He's about 455 yards away, he's gonna hit about a 2 iron I think.


Carl Spackler: Oh Mrs. Crane, you're a little monkey woman. Yeah, you're lean, mean, and I bet you're not too far in between are ya. How'd you like to wrap your spikes around my...


Groundskeeper Sandy: Carl. Damn your eyes. I told you, today is the day we change the holes. Now, do it, and no more slacking off.
Carl Spackler: I'll slack you off, you fuzzy little foreigner.

[Deputy Nutz]

Lacey Underall: My uncle says you've got a screw loose.
Ty Webb: Your uncle molests collies

[Bossman641]

Don't sell yourself short Judge, you're a tremendous slouch.

Judge Smails: Gambling is illegal at Bushwood sir, and I never slice.
Judge Smails: Damn
Al Czervik: OK, you can owe me.
Judge Smails: I owe you nothing.

Judge Smails: Ty, what did you shoot today?
Ty Webb: Oh, Judge, I don't keep score.
Judge Smails: Then how do you measure yourself with other golfers?
Ty Webb: By height.

I smell varmint poontang. And the only good varmint poontang is dead varmint poontang, I think.

[Noodle]

Ty: I'll drop by. You drop by my place any time.
Carl:What's your address? You're on Briar, right? Do you have a pool?
Ty: A pool and a pond. A pond would be good for you. Natural spring.

Danny: I gotta go to college.
Ty: You don't have to go to college. This isn't Russia. Is this Russia? This isn't Russia, is it?


Spalding: I want a hamburger, no, a cheeseburger. I want a hot dog. I want a milkshake...
Smails: You'll get nothing, and like it.

Ty: No, the thing is, do you want to go to college?
Danny: In Nebraska? (especially hilarious for those of us who went to school in Nebraska)