We need a bit of levity........joke time

[Tarlam!]

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=tea+bag

Oh My God.

You didn't know???

Gag me with a spoon. No, I didn't know. You people in the USA are sickos.

Don't be such a pansy!

Touché. I bow my head and swivel my drama queen foil respectfully at you and withdraw.

[mraynrand]

Touché. I bow my head and swivel my drama queen foil respectfully at you and withdraw.

Call it even. That Urban Dictionary was horrifying.

[hurleyfan]

The FBI had an opening for an assassin.


After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there
were 3 finalists; two men and a woman.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal
door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow our instructions no matter what the
circumstances.

Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair . . . Kill
her!!"

The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."

The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your
wife and go home."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went
into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes.

The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my
wife."

The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and
go home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions,
to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were
heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the
walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and
there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.

"This gun is loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death
with the chair."

MORAL: Women are crazy. Don't mess with them.

[MJZiggy]

Touché. I bow my head and swivel my drama queen foil respectfully at you and withdraw.

Call it even. That Urban Dictionary was horrifying.

Only go there if you need to know something specific. Like if Mad posts or something.

[swede]

A redhead walks onto the doctor's office. "I hurt everywhere." she says.

"That's odd," says the doctor. "Please show me what you mean."

The redhead pushes her finger against her forehead. "Ouch!" she says.

She pushes her finger against her right shoulder. "Ouch!" she cries.

She pushes her finger against her left knee. "Ouch!" she cries once again.

"All right, I've seen enough," says the doctor. "You're not really a redhead are you?"

"Why, no...I'm a natural blonde," the woman says, "but what's wrong with me?"

"You have a broken finger."

[packinpatland]

Thought it was time to 're-up' this thread......things are getting too serious around here lately......

The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm,
and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.'

The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the
word'fascinate, not fascinating'.

Sally raised her hand. She said, 'My family went to see Rock City and I
was fascinated.'

The teacher said, 'Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use
the word 'fascinate.'

Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had
been burned by Little Johnny before. Sh e finally decided there was no
way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him.

Johnny said, 'My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits
are so big she can only fasten eight.'

[oregonpackfan]

PIP,

I thought the name was Aunt June. You know, like the lyrics in Oklahoma, "June is bustin' out all over..."

[BallHawk]

MORAL: Women are crazy. Don't mess with them.

Unless you're Brett Favre. Then you've got them wrapped around your finger.

[packinpatland]

MORAL: Women are crazy. Don't mess with them.

Unless you're Brett Favre. Then you've got them wrapped around your finger.

Not funny.......

[BallHawk]

MORAL: Women are crazy. Don't mess with them.

Unless you're Brett Favre. Then you've got them wrapped around your finger.

Not funny.......

Can't we agree to disagree?

[packinpatland]

MORAL: Women are crazy. Don't mess with them.

Unless you're Brett Favre. Then you've got them wrapped around your finger.

Not funny.......

Can't we agree to disagree?

We can do that........but only when I'm right

[Iron Mike]

THE BALLOONIST

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces altitude and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says, "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must work in Engineering," says the balloonist.

"I do," replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's of no use to me."

The man below says, "You must work in management."

"I do," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."