100 Virgins

[Harlan Huckleby]

hi,

I was just thinking about this deal where the Jihadist martyrs go to heaven and are rewarded with 100 Virgins.

Why would anybody want 100 virgins? The first time ain't that fun. And think of all the laundry!

[Fosco33]

Re: 100 Virgins

hi,

I was just thinking about this deal where the Jihadist martyrs go to heaven and are rewarded with 100 Virgins.

Why would anybody want 100 virgins? The first time ain't that fun. And think of all the laundry!

I think it's more like 72 virgins - or something. But still, having a haram of women to choose from for 'eternity' seems reasonable

[Pack0514]

Virgins are like clay, you can mold them however you wish. You know, mold one for doggy style, one for anal pleasures, one for broccoli and cheese...... all the normal stuff.

[jack's smirking revenge]

And why are all of the virigins hanging out in heaven, waiting for martyrs? Sounds like that psycho castle in Holy Grail.....

So, heaven is filled with virgins and, by that logic, hell is filled with experienced sluts from the Vivid Video catalog?

Sounds like the choice is simple. I'm going surfin' on the lakes of fire...

tyler

[Harlan Huckleby]

Re: 100 Virgins

I think it's more like 72 virgins - or something. But still, having a haram of women to choose from for 'eternity' seems reasonable

Oh, I'm down with the harem. I just don't want to deal with all those first nights.

Ideally, my harem would be prepped by having sex with a man with a tiny penis who smells bad. After that, they'd think I'm great. In other words, let Nutz have his way with them first.

[Fosco33]

And why are all of the virigins hanging out in heaven, waiting for martyrs? Sounds like that psycho castle in Holy Grail.....

So, heaven is filled with virgins and, by that logic, hell is filled with experienced sluts from the Vivid Video catalog?

Sounds like the choice is simple. I'm going surfin' on the lakes of fire...

tyler

LMFAO - I used to say that if God was really as strict as many ultra religious conservatives agree that 99.9% of people will end up in hell. Now - who would you rather hang out w/ for eternity - some crazed zealouts and angels or the party people.

[jack's smirking revenge]

And why are all of the virigins hanging out in heaven, waiting for martyrs? Sounds like that psycho castle in Holy Grail.....

So, heaven is filled with virgins and, by that logic, hell is filled with experienced sluts from the Vivid Video catalog?

Sounds like the choice is simple. I'm going surfin' on the lakes of fire...

tyler

LMFAO - I used to say that if God was really as strict as many ultra religious conservatives agree that 99.9% of people will end up in hell. Now - who would you rather hang out w/ for eternity - some crazed zealouts and angels or the party people.

I totally agree. I'm chilling (or roasting, whichever mythology you subscribe to) with the party people. I'm sure there will be all sorts of horned demons with barbed whips and forked tongues and all sorts of other nightmares to deal with, but, hell, the bars and strip clubs are probably worth it.

tyler

[K-town]

Like I tell all my friends: when I die and go to hell, I'll save y'all a seat at the bar.

[Deputy Nutz]

How come my religion doesn't promise me 100 of the freshest pussies in the after life?

[jack's smirking revenge]

How come my religion doesn't promise me 100 of the freshest pussies in the after life?

Because the checks you write aren't big enough to secure that.... Just be thankful that you're not destined to be the pool cue in a gay bar in your afterlife.

tyler

[MJZiggy]

How come my religion doesn't promise me 100 of the freshest pussies in the after life?

Because the checks you write aren't big enough to secure that.... Just be thankful that you're not destined to be the pool cue in a gay bar in your afterlife.

tyler

What if that's what hell really is???

[jack's smirking revenge]

How come my religion doesn't promise me 100 of the freshest pussies in the after life?

Because the checks you write aren't big enough to secure that.... Just be thankful that you're not destined to be the pool cue in a gay bar in your afterlife.

tyler

What if that's what hell really is???

I'm just assuming that would be hell for Nutz. I'm going to suspect those who swing that way wouldn't mind so much being the pool cue in a gay bar. In fact, it may be heaven to such a person.

Nutz, however, would probably rather be the toilet seat in the Playboy Mansion (a version of hell in itself--you always get to touch, but never taste).

tyler

[pacfan]

What happens to the women when they aren't virgins anymore? do they get to stay or are they sent to hell for committing a sin?

do you get to order more virgins or is it strictly 72 or 100 and thats it?

[jack's smirking revenge]

What happens to the women when they aren't virgins anymore? do they get to stay or are they sent to hell for committing a sin?

do you get to order more virgins or is it strictly 72 or 100 and thats it?

Uh-oh. A loophole. Hold on. I'm on the phone with God now. Good thing its not a spa day for him. I'd be on hold forever.

God says that a used virgin becomes part of his personal harem. And, yes, he understands that such an arrangement suggests that he's aligned with hell too. He offers that such a paradox cannot be understood by the human brain or defined by human sexual experience. He says that he's got the best harem in the universe, the envy of all other gods.

He also says that the Powerball numbers for Saturday are 12-23-56....awww...crap...I lost coverage. Sorry.

tyler

[mraynrand]

I heard a good one the other day. Islamofascist blows himself up killing innocent Iraqis, goes to 'heaven' and discovers he gets one 72 year old virgin instead of 72 virgins. Oh, and the gates to heaven are guarded by the 17 Navymen from the U.S.S. Cole.