HAPPY FUN PLACE/ NO SPIN ZONE

[red]

oh quit trying to impress dub-o

[Bretsky]

oh quit trying to impress dub-o

It's my wit and charm that causes the chicks to dig me; all guys are friggin ugly

I keep telling 00 to go be a chick luvr; such lovely curves and bodies. She knows it to be true

On a sidenote I bought eye drops today and it seems to be getting better
I hope I didn't get anybody sick by working the past two days

My son is going to need tubes in his ears; I told the docs he's had the ear infection for eight weeks now so enuff with rotating the medicine; get a solution. Doc agrees; should have said this three weeks ago.

I think it's time to go upstairs and look for some skinemax chick flick again

Definitely diggable

[GrnBay007]

[
I think it's time to go upstairs and look for some skinemax chick flick again

Noooo....you want your sickly eye to fall out of your head???!!!!

LOST is on dinglebutt!!!

[Bretsky]

[
I think it's time to go upstairs and look for some skinemax chick flick again

Noooo....you want your sickly eye to fall out of your head???!!!!

LOST is on dinglebutt!!!

eyes will see better with the right Max flick
My mind is fried trying to help people at work; Lost might make me think
My mind is done for today

[GrnBay007]

PART A: WOMEN - DRINKS, WHO THEY ARE, & YOU!

Drink: Beer
Personality: Causal, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.


Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the ass.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabana boy.

Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky taste; knows EXACTLY what she wants.
Your Approach: You won't have to approach her. If she's interested, she'll send YOU a drink......


Drink: Wine (does not include White Zinfandel)
Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles.
Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with my friends.


Drink: White Zinfandel
Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually, she has NO clue.
Your Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is...this should be an easy target.


Drink: Shots
Personality: Likes to hang with pals and looking to get totally drunk.. and naked.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed. Nothing to do but wait, however, be careful not to make her mad!


Drink: Tequila
No explanations required - everyone just KNOWS what happens there.




PART B: MAN - DRINKS & WHO THE MEN ARE!

THEN, there is the MALE addendum -- The deal with
guys is, as always, very simple and clear cut:

Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get laid.


Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.


Wine: He is hoping that the wine will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid.

Whiskey: He doesn't give a damn about anything but getting laid.


Tequila: He is thinking he has a chance with the toothless waitress.


White Zinfandel: He's gay

[Bretsky]

First, the Lord made man...


First the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden.
Then he said to himself, "There's something he's needing.'"
After casting about for a suitable pearl,
He kept messing around and created a girl.



Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender,

Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender.

Two lovely hips to increase his desire,

And rounded and firm to bring out the fire.

Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud,

Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud.

Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you,

And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you.

Soft, cascading hair hung down over her shoulder,

And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder.

'Twas made for a man, just to make his heart sing.

Then he added a mouth.



Ruined the whole damn thing.

[Bretsky]

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity like my applications such as Poker Night 10.3 , Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Racing 3.6. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications! I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the un-install doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks, A Troubled User

Reply:

Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to un-install, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support . I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5, and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

WARNING!!! DO NOT , under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system. It may even crash your system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support

[Bretsky]

SAM'S ADVICE FOR THE DAY

BEWARE OF THE WALLET SCAM

Beware... there is a wallet scam happening at Sams Club in many parts of
>the country. I have become a victim of this clever scam myself. PLEASE
>beware it could happen to you...
>
>Here's how the scam works: two seriously good-looking young girls come over
>to your car as you are packing your shopping in the trunk. They both start
>wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts falling
>out of their skimpy t-shirts. When you thank them and offer them a tip,
>they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to another Sam’s Club or
>Wal-Mart. On the way, they start having sex with each other. Then one of
>them climbs over into the front seat and performs oral sex on you, while
>the other one steals your wallet.
>
>
>I had my wallet stolen last Tuesday, Wednesday, twice on Thursday, again on
>Saturday and also yesterday and most likely tomorrow

[GrnBay007]

[GrnBay007]

NORM!!! Come back....we miss you!

[red]

yeah yeah, i'm here

[Badgerinmaine]

Frasier is thankful Bretsky never discussed his, um, issues on his live radio show.

[Bretsky]

Apartment Rental


A married businessman meets a
beautiful girl and
agrees to spend the night with her for $500.

He spends the night with her but before he leaves,
he tells her that he does not have any cash with him,

but he will have his secretary write a check and mail it to
her,

calling the payment....

"RENT FOR APARTMENT."

On the way to the office he regrets what he has done,

realizing that the whole event was not worth the price.

So he has his secretary send a check for
$250 and enclosed the following typed note:


Dear Madam:

Enclosed you will find a check in the amount of $250 for rent of your
apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I
rented the apartment, I was under the impression that;

1) it had never been occupied;
2) that there was plenty of heat; and

3) that it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at
home.

However, I found out that it had been previously occupied,
that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large.

**

Upon receipt of the note,
the girl immediately returned the check for $250
with the following note:



Dear Sir,

First of all, I cannot understand how you
expect a

beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.

As for the heat, there is plenty of it,
if you know how to turn it on.

Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size,

but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it,

please don't blame the landlady.



Send the rent in full or we will be forced to
contact your present landlady

[red]

find a happy place, find a happy place

[red]

and now for some words of wisdom.

now, every man should learn this rule the moment god grants him with his penis

DO NOT!!!!! piss on an electric fence

http://msgboard.snopes.com/message/ultimatebb.php?/ubb/get_topic/f/60/t/001450.html