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Dearest Harlan,
As I write these painful words, the tears are streaming down my cheeks at what was, and is no more. For some reason, you have forsaken me, cast me aside and adrift in the tumultuous seas of a loveless world. Where will I find light if not to gaze upon thy fair countenance? Where will I find succor if not in your warm internet blogosphere embrace. To be without you is to exist without nourishment, without a tasty Fiber One bar. Oh, my spleen overfloweth with the foul ichor of a despoiled and fetid relationship. We were a pair once, lik opposites. I was electron to your proton - you of greater girth and substance, and me of insignificant substance, requiring your presence to guide my quick and intransigent path. True, we were of separate minds on separate paths - you wanted to accommodate the terrorists, bring them in and give them free health care, trials, and Jello pudding pops while I wanted to remove their fingernails, drain their blood and threaten the rape their families. What was it that pulled us apart - was it the beer I stole from your garage? Was it that I refused to stop when you threatened me with the nerf taser? Was it a bridge too far on Healthcare? I wanted those who could pay to do so, and you wanted? I don't recall, therefore the fault is mine. I am a cruel person, forever damned to be without you. I will miss those floppy ears, the cold nose, the blue skin, the wry responses to Scott Campbell, the in depth ponderings about the Pashtun region. Oh, the Humanity! This is truly suicidal material! I cannot continue! What cruel fate hath this earthly magisteria inflicted upon me! Alas, I am finished!!!!
As I write these painful words, the tears are streaming down my cheeks at what was, and is no more. For some reason, you have forsaken me, cast me aside and adrift in the tumultuous seas of a loveless world. Where will I find light if not to gaze upon thy fair countenance? Where will I find succor if not in your warm internet blogosphere embrace. To be without you is to exist without nourishment, without a tasty Fiber One bar. Oh, my spleen overfloweth with the foul ichor of a despoiled and fetid relationship. We were a pair once, lik opposites. I was electron to your proton - you of greater girth and substance, and me of insignificant substance, requiring your presence to guide my quick and intransigent path. True, we were of separate minds on separate paths - you wanted to accommodate the terrorists, bring them in and give them free health care, trials, and Jello pudding pops while I wanted to remove their fingernails, drain their blood and threaten the rape their families. What was it that pulled us apart - was it the beer I stole from your garage? Was it that I refused to stop when you threatened me with the nerf taser? Was it a bridge too far on Healthcare? I wanted those who could pay to do so, and you wanted? I don't recall, therefore the fault is mine. I am a cruel person, forever damned to be without you. I will miss those floppy ears, the cold nose, the blue skin, the wry responses to Scott Campbell, the in depth ponderings about the Pashtun region. Oh, the Humanity! This is truly suicidal material! I cannot continue! What cruel fate hath this earthly magisteria inflicted upon me! Alas, I am finished!!!!
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