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  • #31
    Originally posted by BallHawk
    Speaking of hazards....

    NOTE: If you do not know what marmite is it is a gooey, sticky, made from yeast. It is extremely strong and it's basically a love it or hate it food. I was force fed it back in my days in London so I can't get enough of the stuff.

    16 year old pupil at one of England's leading fee paying schools, returned from school for his Christmas holidays in what appeared to be some measure of discomfort. When quizzed by his mother, he said that he had received a "low blow" during a game of rugby and was sure that the passage of time would heal all ills.

    Unfortunately this proved not to be the case and on his third day home he was unable to walk. His mother insisted he visit the family doctor, a demand to which the incapacitated Stephen succumbed.

    On arrival at the surgery Stephen carefully removed his underwear to reveal that his scrotum was swollen to nearly four times it's natural size and was bruised almost entirely black with a number of small puncture wounds to the right hand side showing clear signs of established infection. The doctor, realising that he was not personally equipped as a GP to properly treat such a "sporting" injury immediately called an ambulance to take his patient to hospital.

    Stephen was rushed (!) into hospital where he immediately underwent surgery to properly investigate and remedy the injury. The infection was advanced and Stephen ended up having his right testicle removed as the infection appeared to have spread into the gland. To his surprise, the surgeon removed what were later identified as "a large number of brown glass splinters" from the boy's scrotum and the highly infected (and now ex) testicle.

    It was the surgeon's opinion that these had been "introduced" to Stephen's nether regions at the time of the injury. Realising that this was not as it had first appeared, Stephen's mother asked what kind of assault he had been a victim of with the intention of taking serious issue with his not inexpensive school as to how such an accident could occur.

    In an effort not to make a fuss Stephen admitted to the following episode. At an unofficial end of term Christmas party after lights out, Stephen had drunkenly accepted a bet with the boys in his dorm that he could not fit both his testicles into a medium sized Marmite jar. With drunken confidence, and in order to win a large sum of money from his fellow students, Stephen did indeed manage to perform the trick. However, such is the shape of a Marmite pot that Stephen was not able to remove the pot after winning his money. Much to the enjoyment of the rest of the party-goers he crept off to the bathroom to try to remove the pot.

    Having been unable to remove the pot for two days and in extreme discomfort, Stephen took drastic measures and went to the empty CDT (Craft, Design & Technology) room and with a hammer smashed the pot. Yes that's right, he smashed a glass pot from around his testicles with a hammer! Unsurprisingly, this was not a clinical operation and also where the damage was really done.

    This is the first post I read when I wake up and now I want to were a cup and go back to sleep.
    Draft Brandin Cooks WR OSU!

    Comment


    • #32
      Originally posted by the_idle_threat

      that's what i call a real prick
      Think I'll roll another number for the road.
      I HATE everything about the Minnesota Vikings

      Comment


      • #33
        Originally posted by Green Bud Packer
        Originally posted by the_idle_threat

        that's what i call a real prick

        Comment


        • #34
          I think I'd rather have the French tickler instead

          Comment


          • #35
            This my friends, is what he was trying to get his 'nads into

            "I've got one word for you- Dallas, Texas, Super Bowl"- Jermichael Finley

            Comment


            • #36
              I have never been drunk enough to consider putting my boys into that.
              Originally posted by 3irty1
              This is museum quality stupidity.

              Comment


              • #37
                Originally posted by BallHawk
                This my friends, is what he was trying to get his 'nads into


                You know what, I think I can do it.
                Draft Brandin Cooks WR OSU!

                Comment


                • #38
                  Originally posted by PaCkFan_n_MD
                  Originally posted by BallHawk
                  This my friends, is what he was trying to get his 'nads into


                  You know what, I think I can do it.


                  If you do, don't grab the hammer - just wear some sweat pants and try to explain it to the girls at the front desk of your local ER.

                  I've had the pleasure of redesigning ERs in 3 major cities, you'd be surprised at the shit you see and the stories that are told. The funniest I saw (briefly) was a guy with an erection lasting more than four hours (you know the commercials...).

                  Or the dudes that get stuff stuck in their ass - like broken off cucumbers, lightbulbs, etc.? And no, don't try those at home...
                  The measure of who we are is what we do with what we have.
                  Vince Lombardi

                  "Not really interested in being a spoiler or an underdog. We're the Green Bay Packers." McCarthy.

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Originally posted by PaCkFan_n_MD
                    Originally posted by BallHawk
                    This my friends, is what he was trying to get his 'nads into


                    You know what, I think I can do it.
                    You walked into that one, so i'm not going to make the standard slew of jokes that you set yourself up for.

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      How can you have a best of thread without best avatar?
                      "You're all very smart, and I'm very dumb." - Partial

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        So whose avatar is best?
                        "Greatness is not an act... but a habit.Greatness is not an act... but a habit." -Greg Jennings

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          I wish we could see a list.
                          "You're all very smart, and I'm very dumb." - Partial

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            Best avatar is easily Nutz. You can't top the Brentmeister!
                            "I've got one word for you- Dallas, Texas, Super Bowl"- Jermichael Finley

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              Best Punctuation?
                              "I've got one word for you- Dallas, Texas, Super Bowl"- Jermichael Finley

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                Originally posted by BallHawk
                                Best Punctuation?
                                No question - Tank is on that list!

                                Best football knowledge - Patler or Harv?
                                The measure of who we are is what we do with what we have.
                                Vince Lombardi

                                "Not really interested in being a spoiler or an underdog. We're the Green Bay Packers." McCarthy.

                                Comment

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