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  • Onion Sports Articles

    Troy Aikman Becomes First Robot Inducted Into Pro Football Hall Of Fame
    August 10, 2006



    CANTON, OH—Troy Aikman, the blond, blue-sensored humanoid robot who led the Dallas Cowboys to three Super Bowls in his 12-year period of servitude with the team, became the first artificial construct to enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame Sunday. "No one who saw Dallas' Throwing/Running Offensive Yardage generator, or T.R.O.Y. as we called him around the shop, will forget his perfect mechanics or the cold, unemotional style he brought to the position of quarterbot," said former Cowboys offensive coordinator Norv Turner, who was responsible for writing Aikman's programs and who introduced Aikman during the induction ceremony. "If it were possible to feel love for a mere machine, I think everyone here would agree that we all might just love Troy Aikman." Aikman himself delivered a brief pre-recorded speech thanking all the technicians who made him possible before removing his head and upper torso, which will be displayed in the Hall of Fame alongside the busts of human players.
    Receive thy new Possessor: One who brings
    A mind not to be chang'd by Place or Time.
    The mind is its own place, and in it self
    Can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n.

    "Paradise Lost"-John Milton

  • #2
    LOL, funny stuff!


    I know there is a certain hatred for the Cowboys from Packers fans, one that I happen to share. But I like Aikman as a commentator.

    Maybe because he is pre-programed by Fox Sports

    Comment


    • #3
      You were Kirl on JSO, weren't you?

      Comment


      • #4
        KilrB on most sites

        Comment


        • #5
          Man, I knew I had you tagged!!!!

          Welcome to here! Just igore the "realists" and enjoy!

          Glad you made the cyber-jump...

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Tarlam!
            You were Kirl on JSO, weren't you?
            another identity discovered.
            sigpic

            Comment


            • #7
              I still post on JSO, PackersNews, Packers,Scout and PackerChatters. Never been a big poster there. Do alot of reading. I find this forum a lot more fun. Don’t have to put up with the political crap posted in the wrong forum. Neither have I seen the typical Bears or Viking trolls here. Not that a respectable fan from the dark side wouldn’t be welcome. I just get really sick of the a-holes that just come in to post garbage and start arguments. I remember one loser Vikings fan that even came into PackersNews from purplepride.org and started posting gay porn. They still didn’t ban him.

              Comment


              • #8


                Classic Onion!

                Brett Favre sells out Lambeau for a suit fitting....
                The measure of who we are is what we do with what we have.
                Vince Lombardi

                "Not really interested in being a spoiler or an underdog. We're the Green Bay Packers." McCarthy.

                Comment


                • #9
                  That was hilarious.
                  "Greatness is not an act... but a habit.Greatness is not an act... but a habit." -Greg Jennings

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    That WAS awesome! I especially love how The Onion indirectly chastized Cliff Christl with his "hang it up" comments.

                    The Onion started in Madison, dontcha know....

                    tyler
                    Receive thy new Possessor: One who brings
                    A mind not to be chang'd by Place or Time.
                    The mind is its own place, and in it self
                    Can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n.

                    "Paradise Lost"-John Milton

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Good one, Fosco!!

                      The sad thing is, there are people who WOULD pay $65 to see him fitted for a suit. To protect the innocent, I will not name names...

                      Comment


                      • #12


                        That's hilarious!!!

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                        • #13
                          Christl's been saying the opposite ... that Favre is the only playmaker left on the team and we should enjoy him while he's still around and able to give the team a chance. Funny article though ...

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by jack's smirking revenge
                            The Onion started in Madison, dontcha know....

                            tyler
                            I wish they would post the Drunk of the Week on the website like they do in the paper.
                            Originally posted by 3irty1
                            This is museum quality stupidity.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              They still do that in the print edition? I was just telling someone about that feature, which I heven't seen for a long while perhaps b/c I usually read it online..

                              Comment

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