Official Fire Darren Perry Thread

[Maxie the Taxi]

Captain Kickass, au contraire. It is you who are too young!!!!

Furthermore, I found your analysis lacking and the disqualification a foul, akin to a tackle out of bounds. If I were the commish, I'd fine you $15-grand.

The reason? You have two first names and therefore you can't be trusted.

As evidence I offer the following...



That's "Captain Kangaroo" on the left. [Bunny Rabbit's on the right. Of course you wouldn't know that cause you're too young.]

And, below is "Kick-Ass." Of course you might quibble that "Kick-Ass" is not a first name. I submit it is. If you want proof, Google "Madonna" and "Beyonce."

[Upnorth]

Maxie,



WERE NOT WORTHY!

[mraynrand]

Captain Kickass, au contraire. It is you who are too young!!!!

Furthermore, I found your analysis lacking and the disqualification a foul, akin to a tackle out of bounds. If I were the commish, I'd fine you $15-grand.

The reason? You have two first names and therefore you can't be trusted.

As evidence I offer the following...



That's "Captain Kangaroo" on the left. [Bunny Rabbit's on the right. Of course you wouldn't know that cause you're too young.]

And, below is "Kick-Ass." Of course you might quibble that "Kick-Ass" is not a first name. I submit it is. If you want proof, Google "Madonna" and "Beyonce."

Repped for excessive awesomeness.

[denverYooper]

Repped for excessive awesomeness.

Indeed.

Post of the Year potential right there. Maxie's got Moxy.

[CaptainKickass]

Captain Kickass, au contraire. It is you who are too young!!!!

Furthermore, I found your analysis lacking and the disqualification a foul, akin to a tackle out of bounds. If I were the commish, I'd fine you $15-grand.

The reason? You have two first names and therefore you can't be trusted.

As evidence I offer the following...



That's "Captain Kangaroo" on the left. [Bunny Rabbit's on the right. Of course you wouldn't know that cause you're too young.]

And, below is "Kick-Ass." Of course you might quibble that "Kick-Ass" is not a first name. I submit it is. If you want proof, Google "Madonna" and "Beyonce."

Kickass commentary:

Nice post Maxie.

But using "Au Contraire"? Are you sure you're not Robert Francois? Wait, I forgot that you're old, maybe you're his grandfather. Shouldn't you then perhaps change your posting moniker to:

"Maxie Le Taxi"? ????

Anyway... buckle up 'cause here we go!

Kickass analysis:

In my case, "Captain" is merely my rank which I personally earned many moons ago from amongst the chosen ranks of men who do indeed and actually "Kickass". I took orders from "Major Kickass" who took his orders from "Lieutenant Colonel Kickass" and so on, and so on, and so on.

Thus - I actually have only one singular name like Sting, Madonna, Bono, Cher, Björk, Beck, Coolio, Eminem, Pink, Moby, Fabio, Prince, Sade, Seal, Sinbad, Ke$ha, Vampira, etc etc.

Except my singular name is "Kickass" all one word, no hyphen. Trustworthy? For certain. And much cooler a person than anyone named above (except for maybe Vampira). Here's a shot of her and I on a recent night out:



.

She has excellent taste in home furnishings, a large darkroom which she claims to use for photography and I think we make a handsome couple. But I digress...

In your example "Kick-Ass" can most definitely be construed as a last name. I mean, it's pretty obvious that the kid in your example comes from a home where the mother's maiden name was "Kick" and the father's surname was "Ass" when they got married.

Now she - for some unknown reason reason - didn't really want to become known as "Mrs. Ass" much to the chagrin of Mr. Ass. My guess is because she was a highly feminized woman of progress and independence. She wanted to thwart tradition and send a sort of message to the rest of the world of her defiance. So she went with the hyphenated last name which then obviously embarrassed the poor little fucker as he progressed through school because of her own selfish and uncaring reasons.

NFL players who have most likely suffered similar circumstances growing up, and thus have become violent football players as a result of their childhood hyphenated Last-Name trauma include:

Last names:
Giants (DE) -- Jason Pierre-Paul
Jaguars (RB)--Maurice Jones-Drew
Packers (OG)--Evan Dietrich-Smith
Cardinals (RB)--LaRod Stephens-Howling
Rams (WR)--Mike Sims-Walker
Saints (DB)--Isa Abdul-Quddus
Patriots (RB)--BenJarvus Green-Ellis
Dolphins (LB) -- Ikaika Alama-Francis
Eagles (DB) -- Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie
Raiders (WR) -- Darrius Heyward-Bey

Kickass Conclusion:

1.) Hyphenated names make men more prone to violence!
2.) My original analysis stands!
3.) I have a weird crush on Vampira!
4.) I Kickass. Darren Perry does not! Furthermore he has 2 first names which makes him untrustworthy by aforementioned rule.

FIRE DARREN PERRY!!


---------------------------------

Extra "Kickass" credit if you can tell me what really happens when the daughter with a hyphenated last-name marries a son with a hyphenated last-name and then decides to hyphenate her last-name with his last-name, and thus changing the last-name of her offspring. Do we then end up with football players named things like "Matthew Dietrich-Smith-Stephens-Howling"??

As my parting gift I leave you all with this Kickass compilation from my FINE friend Rachel Caroline: http://www.pinterest.com/rachelcarol...ickass-wisdom/

Yes, she is fine and also has 2 first names. But women are immune from the 2 first names rule as it specifically calls out "man" and as science has proven - women are generally untrustworthy by nature of the gender.

(Ducks to avoid the things being thrown at him by women)

[Upnorth]

To The capt. and Maxie, I would like to that the two of you for allowing us to view and interact with the awesomeness display in the above bits and bytes. Some day I hope my debating skills can approach yours, until thank you for the entertainment.

[Fritz]

I'm with maxi on this one. Look at Captain Kangaroo. Does he look like a pedophile or what?

[HowardRoark]

I don't trust people named Nelson.

All the cool kids trust me; therefore, you must not be cool.

[swede]

Nelson doesn't trust Stompie.

[Bretsky]

Fritz, this is for you,

Since Collins went down no one has stepped up to be a consistent safety that Dom requires. That to me says one thing,

FIRE DARREN PERRY!

(Does this conflict with existing Wednesday official firings page, or can we make Wednesday the offical fire who ever day?)

Not buying in here; TT has done an amazing job in GB however...........what quality has he brought to the table at safety besides Morgan Burnett ???

[Maxie the Taxi]

Awesome commentary and analysis, Captain.

I'm convinced. I'll think about changing my moniker to Maxie le Taxi and include my real photograph...

One other thing I thought would interest you...

I agree hyphenated names make a person more prone to violence. But look what happens when the hyphen is eliminated and the "a" in kickass is replaced with a Dallas Cowgirls star:

[CaptainKickass]

Awesome commentary and analysis, Captain.

I'm convinced. I'll think about changing my moniker to Maxie le Taxi and include my real photograph...

One other thing I thought would interest you...

I agree hyphenated names make a person more prone to violence. But look what happens when the hyphen is eliminated and the "a" in kickass is replaced with a Dallas Cowgirls star:

The Kickass take:

This is not an officially endorsed Kickass product. Note the lack of a Kickass skull, or anything remotely resembling such.

Also - while I'm sure the Massivetwoshits folks who run this company make cupcakes that taste very delicious - there's no way in fuck these cupcakes will have your back when you get into a stereotypical bar room brawl with bikers, farm boys, gangbangers or even government sponsored thugs.

Kickass advice:

Avoid the cupcakes. Avoid becoming a cupcake.