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ESPN is part of the problem
By No Mo Moss, Packer Rats exclusive
Ah the off season; a time when the most unimportant and insignificant NFL related fart in the wind will get more air-time then Darfur. And thankfully, we have ESPN there to report it. The NFL related news filters through the ESPN ticker tape like a stream of cold war spy info in the pentagon during the 1980s, seemingly endless. It’s incredible the amount of information they can cram into the bottom 2†of my television. Don’t they ever have a slow news day in pro football? Where in the hell do they get all of this?
Answer: they create it.
In the last five years ESPN has gone from reporting the sports news, to actually participating in it. They have opened the door to players, teams and agents to allow them to use the network as a pawn and noisemaker for a pretty much unlimited list of gripes, controversies and confessionals. ESPN, who appears not to be bound to any actual journalism ethics, can also turn to their entourage of gumps to poor gasoline onto fires if the news isn’t especially interesting enough that given day.
THE USUAL SUSPECTS
John Clayton:
Is there anyone out there with more natural charisma and TV looks than Jon Clayton? Yes, every single other person on the planet. I’ve seen terminally ill hairless Chiuaua's with more appeal then this guy. Clayton covered the Steelers from 1976-1986 and then started working for The Sporting News. Eventually he found his way onto sports radio in Seattle while he worked as the Seahawks' beat writer until 1995 when he joined ESPN. John Clayton has, and always will, be a noise machine. His greatest accomplishment to date actually will happen in the next sentence. Congratulations John Clayton, you’ve won my award for TV's ugliest personality. Putting this guy on the air is inexcusable, especially in 1995. If he had been a fantasy football dork who got lucky and landed an ESPNEWS on air piece I’d understand, but to have him be the face of the country’s most popular sport, on the world’s most popular sports network is an absolute enigma.
Trey Wingo:
His name sounds like a cartoon character and his face looks like an excited Trekkie on his way to the convention. His annoying sound bytes on NFL Live have become a staple in the ESPN wall of noise. He is the guy that brings all of the talking heads together, the guy that makes it all not work. This Packer hater likes to preface all Packer related snubs with… â€ÂÂlook we all love Brett Favre but…†One of the more annoying within the company, Wingo actually has one of the greatest track records of success amongst his ESPN contemporaries. A native of Greenwich, Conn., Wingo graduated from Baylor University in 1985 with a bachelor’s degree in communications. He won six Mid-America regional Emmy awards for reporting, including three straight years for outstanding sports reporting. I guess Emmy’s aren’t what they used to be huh?
Mike Golic:
For God’s sake someone get Mike Golic a teleprompter. Another NFL Live contributor Golic’s claim to fame is being a radio host on a bad radio program. Now we are all lucky enough to watch that same bad radio program on television. Golic’s background consists of being a former Notre Dame wrestler and Jacksonville Jaguar preseason commentator. Wow! Impressive! Take some advice from Fran Foley, lie on your resume.
Merrill Hodge:
I have never met a person that wasn’t extremely bothered by this man. A contributor on NFL Match-up and ESPN’s Draft coverage, Hodge is a complete moron. This scholar of the game and highly paid ESPN personality prides himself on his draft knowledge. I have to admit he is one special draft guru. He had the Packers selecting Chad Jackson with the #5 pick in the 2006 draft. Need I say more?
Sean Salisbury:
Have you ever listened to anyone more convinced that the crap coming out of his mouth was correct? This guy is a real gem. When he loves your team it's great to listen to him. When he’s talking smack on your team its the most annoying thing available on cable (except Bill O’Reilly). This guy only deals in extremes. To steal from Mike McCarthy, there is no gray area with him. Either you suck or you’re going to the super bowl. Apparently the NFL has no 8-8 teams. Either you go 16-0 and win it all or 1-15 and everyone retires or is fired. Plus to make him even more unbearable, well...see below.
Sal Paolantonio:
Clearly Sal is a former Mafia guy who planted enough horse heads to land a job covering the Jets and Eagles on ESPN. Due to an extreme fear of mob violence and retaliation all I will say is "Sal I love your stuff. Really, really good stuff Sal. J-E-T-S!"
(above)Paolantonio henchmen before imposing Mr. Paolantonio's wishes
Suzy Kolber:
I really like you Suzy. Come here, give me a kiss. Suzy give me a kiss, you look good. You never age and it freaks me out, but come here and give me a kiss.
Michael Irvin
From the guys who brought you another drug addict in the form of Rush Limbaugh, (that worked out), ESPN seems to think they have found the formula for success. If they were to hire a real live person with good first hand knowledge of the game and some objective media savvy the rest of their crew would be made to look like the idiots they generally are. Instead just hire a real life crack-head so no one notices. Irvin had a major run in with police when, in 1996, he pleaded no contest to felony cocaine possession in exchange for four years of deferred probation, a $10,000 fine and dismissal of misdemeanor marijuana possession charges. Whoa, way to throw the book at him, real Texas Law. Irvin apparently exchanged his booger sugar addiction for one in the rock form. In November he was pulled over for having a warrant out on a speeding ticket and the police found a crack pipe under his seat. Apparently it was his long time friend's pipe who just was going into rehab. Irvin said he put the pipe in his car because he didn't want it in his house where his children might find it. He said he planned to drive somewhere the next day, like a grocery trash bin, and throw the pipe away but forgot. Oops Mike! If all of that doesn't say qualified TV analyst, what does? Michael welcome to the Disney family of networks.
Ron Jaworski:
Ron led the Dick Vermeil coached Eagles to the Super Bowl in 1980 only to be bitch slapped by Jon Madden’s Raiders. Ron was selected to one Pro Bowl in 1980. Jaworski thinks he belongs on the list with the greatest QBs of all time. In every Brett Favre related interview he has ever done he makes sure you know he thinks of himself on the same level as our great QB. After a MNF victory in 2003, Jaworski interviewed Favre. To close the interview he put his hand around Favre and looked into the camera.
“Us great quarterbacks stick together.†Jaworski spattered.
The sick look on Brett Favre’s face in the closing seconds of that interview said it all.
“Ron your man-crush on me is very uncomfortable, plus you sucked as a quarterback.â€ÂÂ
His unhealthy man love for Brett Favre is second only to Terry Bradshaw. Use extreme caution if you come across Jaworski while wearing a #4 jersey, he can become dangerous.
Michael Smith:
In a move that would seem like an attempt at infuisng new blood, ESPN recently promoted Smith to one of their top NFL posts. A young columnist and frequent guest of Around the Horn, Smith has done little to convince me or anyone else that he represents a new breed of ESPN persona that will reclaim the respect the network once had. In fact, Smith has done just the opposite. In his two weeks at his new post he broke several erroneous stories, one involving a Packer. Smith can hardly be faulted however, he's just trying to fit in.
The one guy I didn’t mention in this article is the one guy I respect. He’s also the one guy that I feel wonders what happened to the network he played a major role in building. Chris Berman should be given some of the credit for the rise in the popularity of the NFL. For the last 15 years NFL Primetime has been the top rated sports show in America. Berman is a total Packer fan, and a fan of the NFC Norse as he calls it. Although that nickname isn’t all that flattering, Berman seems to be the one person who is legitimate. He doesn’t practice pessimism, but uses optimism when on air. Unfortunately, for his network and us, Berman has seen his role decreased as he gets older and richer. He’s a smart guy and must see the sick irony in what’s been going on. The network he loves and helped rise in popularity is now hurting the game he loves and helped rise in popularity.
It’s really too bad that in a time when spoiled athletes run the league and undermine the game we love, ESPN has to be part of the problem instead of part of the solution.
By No Mo Moss, Packer Rats exclusive
Ah the off season; a time when the most unimportant and insignificant NFL related fart in the wind will get more air-time then Darfur. And thankfully, we have ESPN there to report it. The NFL related news filters through the ESPN ticker tape like a stream of cold war spy info in the pentagon during the 1980s, seemingly endless. It’s incredible the amount of information they can cram into the bottom 2†of my television. Don’t they ever have a slow news day in pro football? Where in the hell do they get all of this?
Answer: they create it.
In the last five years ESPN has gone from reporting the sports news, to actually participating in it. They have opened the door to players, teams and agents to allow them to use the network as a pawn and noisemaker for a pretty much unlimited list of gripes, controversies and confessionals. ESPN, who appears not to be bound to any actual journalism ethics, can also turn to their entourage of gumps to poor gasoline onto fires if the news isn’t especially interesting enough that given day.
THE USUAL SUSPECTS
John Clayton:
Is there anyone out there with more natural charisma and TV looks than Jon Clayton? Yes, every single other person on the planet. I’ve seen terminally ill hairless Chiuaua's with more appeal then this guy. Clayton covered the Steelers from 1976-1986 and then started working for The Sporting News. Eventually he found his way onto sports radio in Seattle while he worked as the Seahawks' beat writer until 1995 when he joined ESPN. John Clayton has, and always will, be a noise machine. His greatest accomplishment to date actually will happen in the next sentence. Congratulations John Clayton, you’ve won my award for TV's ugliest personality. Putting this guy on the air is inexcusable, especially in 1995. If he had been a fantasy football dork who got lucky and landed an ESPNEWS on air piece I’d understand, but to have him be the face of the country’s most popular sport, on the world’s most popular sports network is an absolute enigma.
Trey Wingo:
His name sounds like a cartoon character and his face looks like an excited Trekkie on his way to the convention. His annoying sound bytes on NFL Live have become a staple in the ESPN wall of noise. He is the guy that brings all of the talking heads together, the guy that makes it all not work. This Packer hater likes to preface all Packer related snubs with… â€ÂÂlook we all love Brett Favre but…†One of the more annoying within the company, Wingo actually has one of the greatest track records of success amongst his ESPN contemporaries. A native of Greenwich, Conn., Wingo graduated from Baylor University in 1985 with a bachelor’s degree in communications. He won six Mid-America regional Emmy awards for reporting, including three straight years for outstanding sports reporting. I guess Emmy’s aren’t what they used to be huh?
Mike Golic:
For God’s sake someone get Mike Golic a teleprompter. Another NFL Live contributor Golic’s claim to fame is being a radio host on a bad radio program. Now we are all lucky enough to watch that same bad radio program on television. Golic’s background consists of being a former Notre Dame wrestler and Jacksonville Jaguar preseason commentator. Wow! Impressive! Take some advice from Fran Foley, lie on your resume.
Merrill Hodge:
I have never met a person that wasn’t extremely bothered by this man. A contributor on NFL Match-up and ESPN’s Draft coverage, Hodge is a complete moron. This scholar of the game and highly paid ESPN personality prides himself on his draft knowledge. I have to admit he is one special draft guru. He had the Packers selecting Chad Jackson with the #5 pick in the 2006 draft. Need I say more?
Sean Salisbury:
Have you ever listened to anyone more convinced that the crap coming out of his mouth was correct? This guy is a real gem. When he loves your team it's great to listen to him. When he’s talking smack on your team its the most annoying thing available on cable (except Bill O’Reilly). This guy only deals in extremes. To steal from Mike McCarthy, there is no gray area with him. Either you suck or you’re going to the super bowl. Apparently the NFL has no 8-8 teams. Either you go 16-0 and win it all or 1-15 and everyone retires or is fired. Plus to make him even more unbearable, well...see below.
Sal Paolantonio:
Clearly Sal is a former Mafia guy who planted enough horse heads to land a job covering the Jets and Eagles on ESPN. Due to an extreme fear of mob violence and retaliation all I will say is "Sal I love your stuff. Really, really good stuff Sal. J-E-T-S!"
(above)Paolantonio henchmen before imposing Mr. Paolantonio's wishes
Suzy Kolber:
I really like you Suzy. Come here, give me a kiss. Suzy give me a kiss, you look good. You never age and it freaks me out, but come here and give me a kiss.
Michael Irvin
From the guys who brought you another drug addict in the form of Rush Limbaugh, (that worked out), ESPN seems to think they have found the formula for success. If they were to hire a real live person with good first hand knowledge of the game and some objective media savvy the rest of their crew would be made to look like the idiots they generally are. Instead just hire a real life crack-head so no one notices. Irvin had a major run in with police when, in 1996, he pleaded no contest to felony cocaine possession in exchange for four years of deferred probation, a $10,000 fine and dismissal of misdemeanor marijuana possession charges. Whoa, way to throw the book at him, real Texas Law. Irvin apparently exchanged his booger sugar addiction for one in the rock form. In November he was pulled over for having a warrant out on a speeding ticket and the police found a crack pipe under his seat. Apparently it was his long time friend's pipe who just was going into rehab. Irvin said he put the pipe in his car because he didn't want it in his house where his children might find it. He said he planned to drive somewhere the next day, like a grocery trash bin, and throw the pipe away but forgot. Oops Mike! If all of that doesn't say qualified TV analyst, what does? Michael welcome to the Disney family of networks.
Ron Jaworski:
Ron led the Dick Vermeil coached Eagles to the Super Bowl in 1980 only to be bitch slapped by Jon Madden’s Raiders. Ron was selected to one Pro Bowl in 1980. Jaworski thinks he belongs on the list with the greatest QBs of all time. In every Brett Favre related interview he has ever done he makes sure you know he thinks of himself on the same level as our great QB. After a MNF victory in 2003, Jaworski interviewed Favre. To close the interview he put his hand around Favre and looked into the camera.
“Us great quarterbacks stick together.†Jaworski spattered.
The sick look on Brett Favre’s face in the closing seconds of that interview said it all.
“Ron your man-crush on me is very uncomfortable, plus you sucked as a quarterback.â€ÂÂ
His unhealthy man love for Brett Favre is second only to Terry Bradshaw. Use extreme caution if you come across Jaworski while wearing a #4 jersey, he can become dangerous.
Michael Smith:
In a move that would seem like an attempt at infuisng new blood, ESPN recently promoted Smith to one of their top NFL posts. A young columnist and frequent guest of Around the Horn, Smith has done little to convince me or anyone else that he represents a new breed of ESPN persona that will reclaim the respect the network once had. In fact, Smith has done just the opposite. In his two weeks at his new post he broke several erroneous stories, one involving a Packer. Smith can hardly be faulted however, he's just trying to fit in.
The one guy I didn’t mention in this article is the one guy I respect. He’s also the one guy that I feel wonders what happened to the network he played a major role in building. Chris Berman should be given some of the credit for the rise in the popularity of the NFL. For the last 15 years NFL Primetime has been the top rated sports show in America. Berman is a total Packer fan, and a fan of the NFC Norse as he calls it. Although that nickname isn’t all that flattering, Berman seems to be the one person who is legitimate. He doesn’t practice pessimism, but uses optimism when on air. Unfortunately, for his network and us, Berman has seen his role decreased as he gets older and richer. He’s a smart guy and must see the sick irony in what’s been going on. The network he loves and helped rise in popularity is now hurting the game he loves and helped rise in popularity.
It’s really too bad that in a time when spoiled athletes run the league and undermine the game we love, ESPN has to be part of the problem instead of part of the solution.
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