How To Deal With an Assbag Roomate

[Partial]

Post a suggestion as to how to handle the situation described below:

The scene is 2:00 am in the morning on a Saturday night/Sunday morning. Partial has to work in the morning as he is responsible, where as both of the Roomates are currently unemployed losers. Anyway, they come home from a long night of drinking to our apartment of paper thin walls and glorious, echoey hardwood floors, and keep me up until about 4:30 with their assbagery (being loud, laughing ridiculously loud, talking way louder than necessary telling the same stupid stories we've all heard 1000 times).

Despite having to work at 7 this morning, I let that one slide since I'm a good guy.

Now, tonight, at about 1, Assbag 1 of 2 has brought home 3 random hoes and two random dudes. They're making a ton of noise, and its 2:10. I suspect it will go on for several more hours.

I sent a text message to Assbag 1 of 2 telling him to the shut the fuck up and ditch the bar skanks to no avail.

How would you handle the situation? As far as I can see, I have several options, but I am sure I am missing some.

1) Talk to said assbag in the morning. Tell him its annoying.
This is a route I've taken before with mixed results and not going to get the immediate satisfaction and sleep my body needs.

2) Go tell them to leave
This option makes me look like a dick

3) "Sleepwalk" naked into the kitchen and make some sort of food, hoping they will be creeped out and leave.
Not really something I'd like to do


Suggest a solution please.

[Deputy Nutz]

Tell your mom and her boyfriend to shut the fuck up.








Really all kidding aside, they should throw you out for ruining their good time.

[Partial]

To be fair, I'm not some square thats in bed by like 10 in the summer. Normally I'm right out there with them on the weekends, but I gotta work so damn early every morning.

[the_idle_threat]

Probably not option 3. Do that, and one of the "guests" turns out to be a co-worker.

[Tarlam!]

OK Partial, here goes:

Option A: Change surroundings:

New apatment, or, new walls, or, new roomates.

Option B: Earn some respect:

Become a leader, pay them off, pay Mad and his cousins to pay your roomates a visit.

You are experiencing some hard facts in life, my friend. The way you deal with this situation may very well define whether you land homeles under a bridge or, whether you will become a CEO.

Think "Back to the future", the very first film of it's kind.

Me? I'd hire Mad. But I turned out to be a lazy alcohic fuck, so, don't ever listen to me.

[Zool]

You forgot option 4. STFU and deal like 95% of the populace has had to do. You wanted your independence, and that's what you got.

Either sack up and stop worrying about looking like a dick or be a Nancy and deal with it.

Or you could just wake up for work and make as much noise as possible. Passive aggressive is awesome.

[mraynrand]

1) Get some headphones, earplugs, etc. - for until your lease runs out.

2) Try to set some ground rules in the morning/next day when they are sober and less horny. Take away their beer goggles.

3) Start looking for another place to live.

4) Go party with them. In 20 years, you're going to be bald and fat with three annoying kids, a wife, a yard, a piece of shit minivan (or equivalent) and a crappy 30 year mortgage. You're going to remember that you used to be able to say up all night and still work a full day the next day, and now you can't stay awake past 9:30, you hate getting up for work and your boss sucks. Live it up.

5) Stop asking Packerrats for advice. We don't know shit.

[SkinBasket]

Call the police with a noise complaint. Then get naked and walk around while sending text messages to your friends telling them to wake you up. If they come near you, dry hump them. When the police show, make wild claims about how your being held as a sex slave by the strangers in your house and then defecate on the floor and cry some.


I had the same problem when we took up residence with people our own age for the first time. There were four of us. One dropped out of school, started smoking pot twice a day and showering once a month. Him, and his room, smelled like a bum's asshole and he would use all our dishes and leave them to grow fungus in the sink.

For about a week, he brought a bunch of douchefuck goth druggies into the house. They would smoke ditch weed and pop what they thought was acid but turned out to be paper all night, laughing and giggling and acting like little bitches and sleep on the floor all day in the living room. After four or five nights, one of them made a comment about how I must hate them and laughed about it, so I grabbed him off the couch and threw him on the floor and went into my room.

They left shortly after, but afterwards I wished I had done it the first night. Don't make the mistake of thinking your being a "nice guy" by ignoring your roommates being cocksuckers. We thought we were being nice people too and giving our roommate some leeway. Looking back, we were surrounded by a bunch of fuck-ups for almost a week and our roommate was just what he seemed to be - a piece of shit, and for a long time I wish I had just stabbed them all while they slept instead of putting up with that shit for a guy who obviously didn't give a damned about any of the rest of us.

Instead I just fucked with his food for the rest of our lease. I hope he died as a result, but considering he was a living petri dish by that time, I doubt it.

It's your place too Partial, you sad little fuck. Take a stand. If they don't like it, the worst that happens is you end up living with mom again. The best that happens is that you learn to respect yourself (for real this time) a little and you get some sleep.

[Partial]

You forgot option 4. STFU and deal like 95% of the populace has had to do. You wanted your independence, and that's what you got.

Either sack up and stop worrying about looking like a dick or be a Nancy and deal with it.

Or you could just wake up for work and make as much noise as possible. Passive aggressive is awesome.

Thats the pussy way to do it. Really its not a long running issue so I will let it slide I think.

[Zool]

Mixed in my rant was something close to what Skin alluded to. You're getting pushed around because you're allowing it. You have Midwest nice down to a science. Time for action P not indifference.

[Tarlam!]

Lok, Partial. Mad is your best option. He comes at a value packaged price. You may need to deal with one or two nights of Mexican hooha while he and his cousins celebrate, but the word will spread that you have friends in Cali.

Fuck it, it's well worth the risk and it will cost you less than moving.

[GoPackGo]

option 4. STFU and deal like 95% of the populace has had to do

you sound like a bitch complaining about your roomates on the internet.
If you feel so wronged, put this occurance in your memory bank and remember it for later when you can give them payback. With roomates, what goes around comes around. You'll have your chances to get even.

[Scott Campbell]

Re: How To Deal With an Assbag Roomate

Suggest a solution please.

Ain't that tough. One of you has to leave. Pick one.

[MadtownPacker]

Lok, Partial. Mad is your best option. He comes at a value packaged price. You may need to deal with one or two nights of Mexican hooha while he and his cousins celebrate, but the word will spread that you have friends in Cali.

Fuck it, it's well worth the risk and it will cost you less than moving.

I dont man, this roomie has weed and hoes? I might lean toward kicking Partial the fuck out instead.

[Scott Campbell]

ROFL