How many of you have Shit your Pants at Work????

[Deputy Nutz]

Its an honest question.

See I started this new diet where I fast all morning long until lunch. All I drink is black coffee and sparkling water. Well after lunch I was sitting at my desk and what I thought was an innocent fart was actually a wet sack of shit.

How many people has this happened to? Maybe not at work but just in normal every day life.

[mraynrand]

You're the most disgusting person I've ever met in my life

[red]

Once, but I was working outside without another human being within about 20 miles of me at the time

[Joemailman]

It's called a shart.

[hoosier]

Bummer, dude.

[HowardRoark]

I never did that, but had to go home and change a shirt the day before my colonoscopy.

[wist43]

I never did that, but had to go home and change a shirt the day before my colonoscopy.

Thanks a lot - reminding me that I have to go in for one in a couple weeks.

[woodbuck27]

Once, but I was working outside without another human being within about 20 miles of me at the time

Your so polite red.

When Mae and I returned to our Winter home the water smelled awful so we investigated.

We discovered the remains of two chipmunks floating on the surface of the well water.

Two weeks ago like 'the Deputy' I had one of my average for adults 14 farts of the day and felt a swelling in my sweat pants...a warm and shitty ... YES Feeling.

It was ....in fact.........................S H I T ! .........Wet.... hot..... smelly .... SHIT !

I know it's OK.................. after all .....

We often hear the term....... SHIT Happens !

I actually shit my pants and that had never happened to me before as I recalled.

Shit!

I've come to a conclusion. I somehow got some bad well water in my system.

There's good and bad news. All our water comes from this well.

First the bad...The hot water tank is somewhat fouled or not fully purged. Water from it is darker than the cold water line.

THE GOOD.....I havn't shit my pants since that one occasion.

I blame it on acrobatic chipmunks playing hard on a hot summer day... looking to cool off.

This also gives new meaning to the common term:

" Follow the leader." A cover on the small vent hole on the above ground portion of the wells structure got moved to one side and the chipmunks ..one followed the other to their sad demise. One can only imagine them struggling to get out of that mess. It's so sad.

Shiting my pants...no sweat....why?

Shit happens !

[SkinBasket]

All that shit in your car and you don't carry an extra pair of panties? Or did you just go commando?

Also, what did you do with your fouled garments? Details!

[Deputy Nutz]

To answer Skins Question. I was lucky, I had a work out gear with extra pair of undies in my backpack. I had to wrap the undies in paper towel and sneak them back to my classroom and throw them in the desk. I managed to wash out any shit that happened to seep through the undies.

Update: Today it happened again, I wasn't at work, and I managed to save the undies. The weird thing is that the liquid shit was pure orange color. It looked like watered down orange paint and it seemed to be oily.

[SkinBasket]

Can't you just eat right and exercise instead of killing your body with whatever fad diet you're trying? Those might just be what's left of your intestines seeping out.

[Iron Mike]

Its an honest question.

See I started this new diet where I fast all morning long until lunch. All I drink is black coffee and sparkling water. Well after lunch I was sitting at my desk and what I thought was an innocent fart was actually a wet sack of shit.

How many people has this happened to? Maybe not at work but just in normal every day life.

My ex-wife used to work for a jeweler that had IBS. Apparently, no one ever wanted to use his work chair, as there was frequently a shit stain on it.

Hopefully, you also cleaned your work station....

[HowardRoark]

I thought you learned this lesson years ago.

I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to all though tasteless, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble pooping. No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique.
It seems my ss-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling.

Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with somepaper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold. I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey, this is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occasionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn babe. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

Little did I know. I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I
thought, it would dry. Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic poop -molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky poop/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there
and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm. Unfortunately, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally
reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks.

As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering poop/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own poop blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks." Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks.

Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil. As if that wasn't
enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad.

Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

Friends-DON'T SHAVE YOUR ARSE-HAIR!

[mraynrand]

^^^ Howie, I didn't know you were still in college.

[Deputy Nutz]

Can't you just eat right and exercise instead of killing your body with whatever fad diet you're trying? Those might just be what's left of your intestines seeping out.

actually the orange poop was caused because of other advice I did not heed from you. You once told me that Joey's Sea Food was terrible and that j should never go there. Well I went and got a piece of fish that apparently my body struggles to digest the oil or fat from. So my body just shits it out in a weird orange color. In fact it stained the toilet this morning. Good new is it is mostly gone.